When I first got married, I was very much in love with my wife.

I dreamed of our future. Wondered what our kids would look like. Thought about the life we’d create together.

I sought a home in my prior wife at the time. A psychological, emotional, and sexual home. A place I could rest and relax and not deal with dating or seeking women anymore.

Think back to when you first got married.

What were your ambitions when you got married?

Chances are you felt comfort in having a loyal and loving partner.

You felt a sense of a richer life with her. A sense of completion in her presence.

Maybe you felt a sense of comfort knowing she’d be there for you. A sense of a safe, stable, loving person to come home to.

Often when we get married, we have great ambitions for a rich life together.

We think about what kind of home we’ll create together one day, what our kids we will look like. So much possibility and excitement.

What was alive for you when you first got married?

Chances are it was many years ago. You were young. So much has changed and happened since then.

Maybe remembering your initial love is a painful reminder of how far you’ve drifted from one another.

In that hangover, it’s easy to beat yourself up about it. To heap self-judgement on what might feel like failure.

For most of us, many years after marriage, we have crashed into reality. Life passed us by. And we lost our partner to the busyness of the day to day of kids, work, and home.

And then what was once an aspiration for a beautiful loving home with her over time became a prison.

Does your marriage ever feel like a prison?

A place where you feel anything but free. You feel like a small version of yourself.

I was there too. My wife and I had lost each other in marriage. She had little or no time for me. I felt invisible. Sex was rare.

The same old patterns occurred, the same old arguments, and over time it seemed like nothing would change and I couldn’t escape.

What’s the point of being married? I thought. There’s no more joy in it, just a lot of misery.

How can you get back to the joy in your marriage?

First, you have to be willing to admit where you’re at. In the face of fear. Or in the face of self-judgement. Even in the face of perceived failure.

If you can’t name it, you can’t tame it. You can’t change it. You stay in prison.

Maybe you’re hiding the failure of your marriage from your parents, your kids, your community.

But what if you could get free again?

In the video below, I offer 3 tips from admission to self-responsibility to the third most crucial phase of action.

And what if your marriage was supposed to happen exactly as it has?

Imagine that you needed to get into this prison, in order to arouse your hunger for freedom.

The fierce thirst for a more open, honest, and loving relationship, like a man clawing his way to water in the desert.

A great thinker once said that a man must experience a period of non-freedom before he can value his freedom.

What if, in some crazy way, this prison you’re living in is a gateway to something bigger and more expansive than you could ever imagine?

Most men come to me, thinking our work is about saving or leaving their marriage. Ultimately, that’s the external manifestation of the work.

What they are really working on is how to awaken their ability to act courageously in the face of fear. To do so, in service to re-negotiating the contract of their marriage – be it to recreate it or end it.

And that is what helps a man get out of the prison of his marriage, to the freedom in relationship that he ultimately craves.

To say I’m responsible for what happens here and I’m responsible to make this situation better for everyone involved, even if it appears in moments that I am hurting the ones I love.

But most men falter here. They get stuck in a spiral of depression and inaction.

It’s only that rare breed of man who creates a paradise from a prison.

Are you ready to get out of the prison of your marriage?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re uncertain of your next action, ask yourself…

• Are you that guy who struggles to ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT in your relationship?
• Is it a challenge for you to GET THE RESPECT, LOVE, & SEX you seek from your partner?
• Do you want to GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and BE BOLD AND CONFIDENT in the heat of conflict?
• Do you seek to be AN EMPOWERED MAN IN A FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP with an empowered woman?

If this is you, stop the struggle and start the successes.

And check out my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items.

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