I remember many years ago, when I was first introduced to the teachings of Ken Wilber, transpersonal psychology writer. He said men on the evolutionary scale have two instincts. What are men’s two primary instincts historically? The first instinct for a man, he said, is to KILL IT. Kill, hunt, get the prey, conquer, win, feed the tribe. Today that […]
It’s one of the toughest things we can do. In 15 years of coaching men in relationship, I’ve seen how it’s key to a man to take charge of his marriage. It cuts to the heart of answering the question. How do I fix my marriage? To do so, you must see your blind spot. Without doing so, you fall […]
Many years into my marriage, my sex drive was 10 times my wife’s. I wondered if I was a sex addict. So, to find out, I went to a therapist specializing in sex addiction. After an hour, he said, “No, you’re not a sex addict. You’re just a regular dude with a healthy sex drive.” I saw him, motivated by […]
Jake’s a big-shot engineer. An engineer who travels the country and lectures internationally. The rock star of engineers who trains other big-shot engineers. He’s brilliant. But like so many other successful men I speak with, his marriage is falling apart. Jake can’t reconcile himself to his own failure at home. He loves his kids, but he refuses to fully acknowledge […]
Below is a letter a married man struggling with “not enoughness” sent to his wife recently, inspired by a video of mine. Dear Cindy*, There is something that has been weighing on my heart that I want to share with you. I often find myself grappling with the feeling that I’m not enough for you. Yes, it relates to our […]
The most common questions I hear men voicing about their marriage. Why does she complain so much about me? And what can I do about it? Maybe you’ve been married or in a relationship for many years – 5, 10, or 20 years. Do you ever wonder when will her complaining stop? Maybe you think to yourself, I do my […]
Symptoms. What ails you. Do you operate in your relationship at the level of symptoms? A “yes” means that you don’t give much thought to the quality of your relationship until symptoms, typically negative, appear. Be it… She doesn’t hear me. Or she complains a lot. Maybe it’s that she isn’t open to me. Or whatever your challenge is. If […]
She talks. I listen. She talks some more. I listen some more. On a good day, her words are about someone or something else and I can help her figure things out. On a bad day, her words are about me and what I don’t do right and what I do wrong. I want to do better but after a […]
A guy wants sex. His wife doesn’t. He asks himself, “What’s the point of being married if I can’t have sex with my own wife? Will it be like this forever?” He feels trapped. Have you ever felt trapped like this in a sexless relationship? I have. I even went to a sex addiction therapist at one point in my […]
“You don’t hear me.” “Why don’t you take me seriously?” “You don’t listen.” Does your wife say any of these things to you? It’s not uncommon for a guy to hear something similar from his wife. And there’s a good reason why. As men, we often struggle to keep up with our partner’s words. We feel like she’s verbose and […]
