My client Tim, a 46-year-old software CEO, is crushing it at work. But he feels trapped at home.“With all my success, I kind of feel entitled,” he says. “What do you mean?” I ask. “Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again. “I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s […]
Dave, an eight-figure portfolio manager, manages and takes significant risks consistently in his professional life. But when it comes to his marriage, he’s surprisingly risk-averse. His wife has closed off to him. She’s sexually shut down on him. Has your partner shut down on you sexually? Sex was the initial concern for which Dave came to see me. “I can’t […]
I remember many years ago, when I was first introduced to the teachings of Ken Wilber, transpersonal psychology writer. He said men on the evolutionary scale have two instincts. What are men’s two primary instincts historically? The first instinct for a man, he said, is to KILL IT. Kill, hunt, get the prey, conquer, win, feed the tribe. Today that […]
Ten years ago, I was 44 years old, married 17 years, with a 15-year-old son. I’d been through many death and life cycles in my marriage. I was about to go through another one. My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion. I brought my […]
“Is my marriage fixable?” Dave, a senior-level IT executive, asks me. He wants guidance. He wants reassurance. He’s a man who thrives with a plan. How do you know if your marriage can be fixed? Of course, no one has a crystal ball looking into the future. Still, having coached men in relationship for the last 15 years, there are […]
So, there’s this trap we guys often fall into. I call it the “fixer trap.” And when we’re in the fixer trap, we want to be “the guy.” You’re the guy who saves the day. The guy who makes things ok for her. The guy who is strong and capable for his partner. And the guy she needs us to […]
Make it right. Let her know you care. Show her you love her. Do you do these things in your marriage? Most guys do. It comes with great intention. But often, it’s done too late. And merely a response to having upset your wife in the first place. Maybe you didn’t listen to her properly. Maybe you forgot to make […]
Jake’s a big-shot engineer. An engineer who travels the country and lectures internationally. The rock star of engineers who trains other big-shot engineers. He’s brilliant. But like so many other successful men I speak with, his marriage is falling apart. Jake can’t reconcile himself to his own failure at home. He loves his kids, but he refuses to fully acknowledge […]
“My wife says I don’t listen to her,” Mike says. “And then I think,” he continues. “Listen to her? I can barely even follow her words.” He’s exasperated just talking about it. As the CEO of a high tech company, he’s a master of clear communication, but at home, he falters. “In the same breath, she says she had a […]
Success. It’s one of the greatest values we hold as men. Crushing it at work. Making things happen. Seeing the money. It can be quite gratifying when we are successful at work. At the same time, it’s mystifying when we can’t replicate that success in our marriage or relationship. Are you that guy who crushes it at work but struggles […]
