t started for Alex with an acknowledgment—an awareness that his pain wasn’t the enemy, but an opportunity. A doorway to creating a more fulfilling marriage and greater life. As a clean energy executive transforming the nation’s grid, Alex sought challenges as opportunities in his work. But he didn’t do the same at home. He’d lost trust with his wife. She […]
My client Tim, a 46-year-old software CEO, is crushing it at work. But he feels trapped at home.“With all my success, I kind of feel entitled,” he says. “What do you mean?” I ask. “Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again. “I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s […]
You want it. You haven’t had it for a while. In fact, you’re hungry for it. Sometimes, you even feel like you’re at the mercy of it. You want it now. But you know you can’t demand it. You know that demanding will just make it more likely that you won’t get it. Besides, she’s an autonomous independent being. What […]
I remember many years ago, when I was first introduced to the teachings of Ken Wilber, transpersonal psychology writer. He said men on the evolutionary scale have two instincts. What are men’s two primary instincts historically? The first instinct for a man, he said, is to KILL IT. Kill, hunt, get the prey, conquer, win, feed the tribe. Today that […]
“She doesn’t love me anymore,” says my client Rick, a tech entrepreneur. “How do you know that?” I say. “We never have sex anymore,” he says Does lack of sex feel like lack of love to you as well? “Because she doesn’t have sex with you, you don’t feel loved?” I say. “Correct,” he says “Do you feel needy?” He […]
“She’s always got to have the last word.” “I can never win an argument with her.” “She’s got to be right.” Do these words describe your wife? In 15 years of coaching men, I’ve heard men say these things countless times. And let’s get real, brother, women say similar things about their men. But things I don’t hear women say […]
It’s one of the toughest things we can do. In 15 years of coaching men in relationship, I’ve seen how it’s key to a man to take charge of his marriage. It cuts to the heart of answering the question. How do I fix my marriage? To do so, you must see your blind spot. Without doing so, you fall […]
Ten years ago, I was 44 years old, married 17 years, with a 15-year-old son. I’d been through many death and life cycles in my marriage. I was about to go through another one. My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion. I brought my […]
Many years into my marriage, my sex drive was 10 times my wife’s. I wondered if I was a sex addict. So, to find out, I went to a therapist specializing in sex addiction. After an hour, he said, “No, you’re not a sex addict. You’re just a regular dude with a healthy sex drive.” I saw him, motivated by […]
“Happy wife, happy life.” “It’s your job to make her happy.” “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” No doubt you’ve heard one or all of these expressions. Maybe one of these voices lives in your head. How do you make your wife happy? Every month I talk to guys who approach their marriage as a “wife happy-making” endeavor. They […]
