I remember 8 years ago, I first started asking the question. It was in my kitchen where I was washing the dishes in my suburban house in Boulder, CO.

Feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed with everything in my life – from running my business, helping run a household, raising a son, and all the other stuff that comes with it.

I knew I was depleted. I had lost a lot of energy in my relationship with my wife. We would go from brief moments of energized closeness to long desert spans of disconnection and mere functioning.

I remember asking myself…

How long can I make this last?

I was questioning the life I was living.

I had little in the tank with my wife after many attempts to heal the rifts between us, through therapy, counseling, or workshops.

The work we did on our marriage was mostly hail mary attempts, instead of committed, sustained efforts.

We just couldn’t seem to get on top of things to keep a strong connection. She struggled with a lot of chronic illnesses. I struggled with trying to hold up so much, so she could rest and heal.

I was in that classic scenario of burning the candle at both ends. Running hard to maintain a reality – work, family, marriage – that seemed to have no reprieve from stress or effort in sight.

It’s one thing to know relationship is hard work. It’s another to feel like it’s a mountain crushing you.

How can I keep going like this?

I often woke up, thinking this.

I wanted more love, trust, connection, sex, and yet it seemed like my wife and I were distant planets orbiting one another in separate galaxies, missing each other again and again.

And with the pain of it all, it was easy to hide out in the daily functioning of life, instead of making each other a priority and really taking command of our marriage. I really wanted that but it didn’t seem like it was a priority for her.

As I questioned the future of our coupledom, I began to get clarity that our future would be decided, not by some mysterious fate or hail mary attempt to make things better.

Nor would it be decided on how she received me. I already had a ton of data on that.

But instead, I got clarity of the future of our relationship through a simple question that I knew was critical for me to answer. And that simply was…

How much more work do I want to put into this marriage?

With that, came also… what do I have left in the tank?

Once I knew the answer, I got clear of how much more effort I was willing to put into the marriage.

I got clear on what I was willing to do to make the marriage work.

And what I was not willing to do. 

Where I still had skin in the game.

And where I was done.

Are you clear on how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship?

If not, you’re likely spinning in endless hypothetical scenarios in your mind.

If I do A, maybe she’ll do B. Or if I do C, maybe she’ll do D. It’s enough to drive a guy nuts. And it typically leaves him more confused than clear.

To get more clarity on if your relationship will last, check out the video below where I take you deeper into knowing where you’re in and where you’re out.

Most guys I know want their relationship to last.

They don’t want to give up on their partner. They don’t want to feel like a failure, especially when they’re married with kids and shared assets on the line.

But still they have thoughts of throwing in the towel, trying to imagine another life.

How do you really know when you’re done in a relationship?

It’s a huge decision and one made so much less stressful when you begin to access your inner clarity and authority.

Once you have that clarity, then you can begin to move toward an action plan. You can be fully aligned on where you’re willing to step in and what you want moving forward.

To help you get your clarity, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand in your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, manhood, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now.

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