In marriage and relationship, at a certain point, things flatline. It’s inevitable. It is not cynical. It’s just how it is.

At a certain point, we get so safe in the relationship that we stop aspiring towards what lights us up. And often we can’t put our finger on when that happened.

Then one day, we live into a future we didn’t even know we were choosing. That was my story as well, leading me to write a book many years later called “Fixing You Is Killing Me.”

We ignore the spark that originally lit us up about our partner.

And over time, to get through our days, we end up stuffing things down – opinions, desires, feelings – to keep the peace. And from there, unknowingly we get into a withholding pattern.

Do you withhold your opinions, desires, or feelings in your relationship to stay married?

If so, I totally understand. I did it for years in a 25-year marriage.

It was easier to shut up and stuff things down than to deal with the conflict I thought would ensue if I didn’t.

But in the process, I lost something big and maybe this is true for you. Dare I say, one’s soul. The vivacity of aliveness. The spark of desire.

Have you lost the spark in your marriage or relationship?

As a survival mechanism, functioning in daily life takes over. It could be getting the kids to school. Succeeding at work. Paying the bills. Saving money.

And inside is left the carcass of an individual who feels alone and fears it will be like that forever. This is a dark moment for any person in a marriage or long-term relationship.

Do you feel alone in your relationship?

Often we feel this aloneness and we accept it for fear that trying to change things will only make things work. We resign ourselves to survival mode.

How can you come alive again in your relationship?

First, you must have the courage to ask hard questions.

Check out the video below to discover those questions.

What does it cost you to stay in a relationship where you feel invisible?

Have you thought about what are you modelling for your kids about relationship?

What do you fear will come true?

Living the questions is the face to face with death. The death of your old relationship.

But in that death is the emergence and birth of a new relationship.

It’s often been said that a couple must reinvent themselves every 5 to 7 years to have a vibrant and alive relationship. In a long-term marriage, you can expect to have multiple lives together.

And yet most of us refuse that call. We don’t know that we can actually die into something new. We don’t how to do it.

And most of all, we don’t know that we’re being called into something greater.

What are you being called into with your partner?

Nobody can find out for you, but you can’t discover it alone. It’s impossible to see your own blind spots. That was true for me as well.

We are more powerful with allies and guides than we are alone.

Come join a powerful group of allies at The Men’s Relationship School and…

• Learn simple strategies to come alive in yourself & relationship.
• Discover how to stay the course & recover when you trip up. (Inevitably, you will; we all do.)
• And finally become you again – the real, authentic confident you, not hiding, not wearing a mask.

For 2022, I have reduced the cost of The Men’s Relationship School by 50%. That’s 3 to 4 live group calls with me every month. Check it out with a money-back, no-questions-asked guarantee.

If you’re not a group guy, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Send me a quick email.

And lastly, if you´re on the brink of divorce, email me at info@stuartmotola.com to learn how to divorce lovingly and wisely, for the well-being of your kids & your own mental and emotional health.