Ten years ago, I was 44 years old, married 17 years, with a 15-year-old son. I’d been through many death and life cycles in my marriage. I was about to go through another one. My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion. I brought my […]
The holidays can be a super-challenging time for many men. The spending of money on often superfluous gifts. Trying to be “joyful” with your partner when you’re not. The sense of obligation to be on your best behavior. It can all leave a guy dreading the holidays. Yet these are the mere symptoms. The real source of a man’s dread is the sense that […]
“Happy wife, happy life.” “It’s your job to make her happy.” “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” No doubt you’ve heard one or all of these expressions. Maybe one of these voices lives in your head. How do you make your wife happy? Every month I talk to guys who approach their marriage as a “wife happy-making” endeavor. They […]
“Crushing,” my client Tommy, a CTO at a software company, said. “It’s crushing when my wife’s upset at me. I love her and want to be a good man for her.” And then the dagger came. “I can’t be OK when she’s not OK.” Do you struggle being OK when your partner’s not OK? The dagger was in his words, […]
Below is a letter a married man struggling with “not enoughness” sent to his wife recently, inspired by a video of mine. Dear Cindy*, There is something that has been weighing on my heart that I want to share with you. I often find myself grappling with the feeling that I’m not enough for you. Yes, it relates to our […]
Sex. It should be simple. It should be clean. She should just want you. And yet when she doesn’t, you can feel a ton of rejection, a sense of desperation, and like you’re screwed – no pun intended. Do you experience sexual rejection from your wife or partner? Or maybe you just don’t get enough sex? A mentor of mine, […]
“I’m in love with you” versus “I love you.” What’s the difference? And why would you care? Chances are you don’t care unless you heard or fear this; your partner says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” What’s she really saying when she says that? Is she saying that she’s done with the relationship? She wants […]
Three scripts from three men about their sex challenges with their wives. “She hasn’t touched me in weeks. She never initiates sex.” “It’s like she doesn’t want me anymore. I feel hopeless.” “I want it and I want it now. I’m sick of this shit.” Are you frustrated with your sex life? I have a lot of empathy for men […]
Most of us have our own version of this story. Do you? You met your wife x number of years ago. At first, it was great. Sweet connection. Wonderful sex. The urge to merge. You got engaged and then married. And then you had a family and things changed over time. You were no longer each other’s priority. Kids came. […]
She talks. I listen. She talks some more. I listen some more. On a good day, her words are about someone or something else and I can help her figure things out. On a bad day, her words are about me and what I don’t do right and what I do wrong. I want to do better but after a […]
