Many years into my marriage, my sex drive was 10 times my wife’s. I wondered if I was a sex addict.

So, to find out, I went to a therapist specializing in sex addiction.

After an hour, he said, “No, you’re not a sex addict. You’re just a regular dude with a healthy sex drive.”

I saw him, motivated by some questions. Questions you might be asking yourself.

Why is my sex drive so much higher than my wife’s?

Why do I want sex so much more than she does?

Why has she lost interest in sex with me?

And how is it possible for me to not take that personally?

As a guy, sex with my partner was an act of intimacy, of connection, of love making. Sex was a way of loving my wife.

It wasn’t just mechanical. I wasn’t a guy who was just going to go screw around outside of his marriage.

And when I looked at her world, I saw the way she was stressed about so many things – work, the house, our son.

I knew intellectually that stress kept her in a state of not feeling ok.

And I understood it impacted not just her general state of being but her sex drive as well.

I see this with so many men I coach and talk to.

Do you wonder why your wife doesn’t want sex with you?

Often, for us guys sex is a way of not only loving our partner, but also a way to release our stresses. I experienced this at a certain level.

I remember thinking how cruel God’s design was of men and women.

As men, we often use sex as a de-stresser. For women, they need to be stress-free to open up to sex. What a harsh joke.

So what do you do when your wife no longer wants to have sex?

Well, beyond not taking it personally, which can be super hard to do, but with some coaching very possible, you can start to look at how you exacerbate her stress and diminish her sexuality.

In the video below, I talk in depth about three things that can stress her out that have nothing to do with you and three ways guys typically respond that further compounds her stress.

Do you try to alleviate your wife’s stress to get her to open emotionally or sexually?

If so, you know that does not work. You’re treating her like an object or an obstacle, instead of a sensitive human being deserving of your love and strength.

Unconsciously, you’ve objectified her. And she knows it and likely resents you for it, furthering shutting her down sexually.

And I get it. I did that for years until I learned better.

Do you want to create a more sexually fulfilling marriage?

If so, shoot me a quick email to jump on a 15-minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can benefit you.

Or join me on the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for any man to get relationship support for only $47/month.

Join anytime. 1st call is free.