So, there’s this trap we guys often fall into. I call it the “fixer trap.” And when we’re in the fixer trap, we want to be “the guy.” You’re the guy who saves the day. The guy who makes things ok for her. The guy who is strong and capable for his partner. And the guy she needs us to […]
Below is a letter a married man struggling with “not enoughness” sent to his wife recently, inspired by a video of mine. Dear Cindy*, There is something that has been weighing on my heart that I want to share with you. I often find myself grappling with the feeling that I’m not enough for you. Yes, it relates to our […]
“My wife says I don’t listen to her,” Mike says. “And then I think,” he continues. “Listen to her? I can barely even follow her words.” He’s exasperated just talking about it. As the CEO of a high tech company, he’s a master of clear communication, but at home, he falters. “In the same breath, she says she had a […]
Emotions. They can hound a man. Take him over. Anger and fear especially. Ever thought to yourself after an emotional outburst… Jeez, did I just say that to her? What just happened? Man, I’m gonna be in the doghouse for the next week. Chances are it took you a few minutes or longer to notice how your emotions got the […]
Ok, I know, another email about the 1 thing on this or the #1 thing on that. We’re inundated by it all the time. And so forgive me for the clickbait title. But this one really is a game-changer. Something big that I’ve consistently seen in 15 years of coaching men in relationship that blows apart marriage after marriage when […]
Serve, protect, provide. This is the mantra, conscious or not, that drives the behaviors of many married men. Ultimately, most men want to make their wives happy. So in that effort, he’s willing to overlook a lot of challenging behaviors from her. Do you seek to make your wife happy? If so, that’s great. But ask yourself for a moment, […]
Let’s face it. We men want to make our woman happy. In that effort, many of us fall into a pattern. Ask yourself if this pattern applies to you. Your partner complains about your behavior or who you are. You get the message that you’re not enough for her. And you may even feel like you’ve failed her. You don’t […]
Jake’s a big-shot engineer. An engineer who travels the country and lectures internationally. The rock star of engineers who trains other big-shot engineers. He’s brilliant. But like so many other successful men I speak with, his marriage is falling apart. Jake can’t reconcile himself to his own failure at home. He loves his kids but he refuses to fully acknowledge […]
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Ever heard the expression? If so, then you may understand like my client Mauricio did, that in relationship, the saying applies doubly so. Mauricio would get into an argument with his wife and then for hours afterward, he would beat himself up. He’d spiral into fear about how his wife would deprive him of […]
Men. Many of us often cruise along in our marriage. As long as we’re having sex occasionally and the house isn’t on fire, we’re fine with how things are. We don’t think much more about our marriage. Then there’s another group of guys in the marital battle zone. No sex. The house is on fire. And in response, they try […]
