Love is blind is a cliché. And yet there is some truth to it.

Consider Zack. You may have hung out with him before.

You know that guy who’s clearly getting beat up by his wife (she yells at him, gets hysterical, complains about him nonstop) yet he still blames himself for all their marital problems?

“If only I could… and then I could… and then we’d be ok,” he says.

And you’re sitting there across the table thinking, Dude, why are you beating yourself up so badly? Can’t you see…?

You shake your head in sympathy, knowing there’s only so much you can do.

You see it clearly. Zack’s self-flagellating, twisting himself into a pretzel. And all you can do is hope he’ll get it.

In this case, love is blind, explicitly blind to abuse.

But I’ll argue that Zack is not acting out of love. He’s acting out of attachment.

Underneath Zack’s pretzel-twisting is a deep fear of being alone, losing his wife, of losing attachment to her.

Do you fear losing your wife?

When in fear of loss, a man turns a blind eye to his wife’s abuse, thinking that will make things better.

He keeps his shitty marriage but he loses his self-esteem.

He loses his confidence.

And if he doesn’t act soon, he may even lose his soul.

Ok, enough with Zack.

The bigger question is…

Are you that guy who suffers verbal abuse from his wife and then twists himself into a pretzel to try to be what she wants?

If so, see if this resonates for you.

It can be hard for a man to recognize and acknowledge abuse with his wife when he fears losing her.

Often there’s a story underneath. Well, she’s acting that way for a reason, I must’ve done something wrong.

It’s a noble thing for you to take responsibility for your behavior, but it’s not noble to not call out abuse and co-create a relationship where abuse is acceptable.

It often takes an outside observer to point out to a man what’s abuse and what’s not.

Does your wife have harsh critiques of your character?

Does she say that you’re not for her?

Does she exhibit behaviors you wouldn’t tolerate at work?

If so, this is hard stuff but there’s an opportunity here. And that is to notice if you do any of these things.

Walk on eggshells around your wife?

Believe that you’re not enough for her?

Fear conflict with her?

If any of these ring true for you, consider this next statement.

Your she-esteem (how she esteems you) is greater than your self-esteem.

And that means you’re not owning your own self-esteem. You’re giving it over to your wife.

So, what do you do if you hand over your self-esteem to your wife?

You work on yourself.

You build a secure attachment to yourself.

You become the primary caregiver of yourself, knowing she is secondary.

That’s healthy. And that’s the foundation of how a man deals with a verbally abusive woman.

For more explicit tips, check out the video below.

Zack is that guy nobody wants to be. And yet often, we become Zack and are horrified when we realize it.

But what if you were Zack and you had a clear roadmap into action to become an empowered, confident, and securely attached version of yourself?

If that sounds appealing, let’s talk. A simple, no BS conversation between two guys.

Option two is to join the next Confident Man’s Path To Relationship online training starting September 19 on Tuesdays from 7:30-9pm ET. Training is limited to 8 men.

Topics we’ll cover in this 6-week training.

• Week 1 – Ground Zero Of Your Relationship
• Week 2 – What She Does That Pisses You Off
• Week 3 – Essential Parts Of Yourself That You Suppress To Stay In Relationship
• Week 4 – How To Not Lose It With Her (Or Emotionally Check Out)
• Week 5 – Strengthen Your Confidence With Your Partner
• Week 6 – Ask For What You Want Without Stepping On A Landmine

Hope to connect soon.