His wife Tamara complains about how he is checked out. How he can’t even be with his family for 10 minutes without being on his phone.

Mincing no words, she says, “I feel like I’m in a relationship with a zombie.”

“Say more,” I say.

“You know, he’s checked out. Not really in the room.”

“Well, most of the time,” he interrupts. “I’m actually working to support your lifestyle.”

“Just a second, Philip. It’s not your turn.” I turn back to Tamara. “What are you wanting from him?”

“I want to grab him by the neck and say be with your family, put away your damn phone.”

No wonder he wants to do exactly what you don’t want him to do, I think.

“Well, Tamara, I’d say your behavior modification program is not working well.”

Tamara looks over at her husband with scorn. He returns the look.

“Philip, your turn. Do you hear what Tamara is asking of you?”

He looks off into space. I don’t even know if he’s heard me.

“Philip, are you here? You look like you’re somewhere else.”

“Damn right I’m somewhere else,” he says. “I always have to put up with this crap. God forbid she could be appreciative of all I do. And so what if I want to check out now and then.”

“It sounds like it’s more than now and then.” I pause.

“Philip, the only question that matters right now is this. And you better answer it or as far as I can tell, your marriage is over.”

I’ve caught his attention.

“Do you want be alone or do you want to be married?”

He laughs. “Can I have a little bit of both?”

I pause and allow the dead silence to percolate in the room. I look Philip in the eye.

“Philip, you spend 98% of your time alone. Alone in your head.”

“And your point?” he says.

“My point is your wife is very lonely. She’s dying for her husband.”

He scoffs.

“Are you interested in being married to her?

He pauses. He looks at Tamara with concern. All eyes are on him. He knows this is a make or break moment.

“Well, we’re waiting,” Tamara says.

“Not your turn, Tamara. Give him space,” I say.

Philip is caught in between two realities. One in which his wife is a raging bitch and the other in which he is desperately alone.

To cope, he does something many men do. He withdraws, retreats, and turns away from his wife and yes, even his sons.

It’s his simple way of staying safe from a woman, who he experiences as overbearing, when in truth her request is simple – to have a present husband.

But Philip’s is a false safety that actually makes him less safe, more alone, and more distant from his wife.

In the next moment, I see an opening. I teach him to use a simple 10 second tip to catch himself when he falls into these old patterns which, if continued, will destroy his marriage.

In the video below, check out what I taught him, which transformed his marriage; and if diligently practiced, will transform your marriage as well.

“So, how hard was that?” I say. “To ask yourself a simple question, in order to save your marriage.”

The question was – How can I turn towards her?

Simple but big, in that it required Philip to break decades of unconscious patterning, of abandoning his wife and instead turn towards her and engage with her.

“Hard. It requires me trusting that she’ll receive me.”

“And taking the risk that she won’t,” I say. “And knowing you’ll still be ok.”

He nods, humbled by his new power.

“Bravo, Philip. Good work. That’s called being relational and it’s good for you. It’s good for your wife and it’s good for your kids.”

“Well, there’s hope after all,” Tamara says.

“Great,” I say to her. “Now, when he does that, let him know he did something valuable for you. And when he doesn’t, don’t nag. Instead, help him. Help him help you get what you want. Say to him – Sweetie, can you please turn towards me?”

“I can do that,” she says.

She looks at Philip, reaches for his hand, and he receives it in his.

Are you wanting to transform your marriage or do the same old dance that has you where you are today?

For those men who are wanting to transform their marriage, let’s have a quick chat.

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to really understand what’s keeping you stuck from creating the marriage you seek.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two individuals keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who prefer a group setting with guys in similar struggles transforming their marriages, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools where I am helping men step into action to enhance sex, passion, trust, and confidence in their relationship. Reply “MRS Yes” to join your first call for free.

The post A 10 Second Tip To Transform Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Baby,” he says, “I work 10 hours a day, I do everything I can for us to have a good life.”

“Yes, that’s fine,” she says. “But I don’t feel like you love me.”

“What did I do wrong?” He asks her.

“Nothing,” she says.

Do you struggle to understand how you failed your wife?

If so, just know that there are millions of men who are in the same boat as you.

In his seminal book many years ago “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” John Gray spoke to this.

He explained a core difference between men and women and how they show love.

Essentially, he said men and women have different brains.

Men are logical. Women are emotional.

And yes, it can often feel like we are on two different planets.

Do you try to understand your wife logically?

If so, there you go, that’s part of the problem.

Due to a lack of advanced emotional intelligence in many of us men, we often ignore emotions and instead attempt to show our love through logic. We try to fix things.

Do you try to serve your wife by fixing and it often backfires?

A guy’s inner script typically goes like this – Tell me the problem and let me use my superior rational powers to make things better, sweetie.

He uses his rational powers at work all the time – in law, finance, business, engineering, science – and it pays off, but not at home.

“Well, then the other day,” Dave continues. “She said that she wanted me to take care of the food for the party, and then when I came home with everything, she got upset at me.

“I asked her why, and she says, oh because I didn’t do it right.

“Baby, I got everything you asked me for. I even had a list.” He scratches his head, mystified.

“That’s not the point,” his wife says. “Three people canceled and now we’ll have too much food.”

“Wait a minute, love. Is this about you being upset for me not getting the right food at the market or about people not coming tonight?”

“Why do you have to argue with me?” She says.

Dave has that “I can never win” look on his face.

And then it goes downhill from there.

Do you struggle to understand your wife?

Well, if so, consider Dave’s story. Maybe it’s yours too. Clearly, there were some illogical things going on.

Logically, Dave got it right, and maybe you do too, but still emotionally he’s on another planet and can’t see what his wife really needs.

Do you want to figure out what your wife really needs?

If so, check out the video below to see how your logic spins you into a place of helplessness with her and what to do instead.

“Dave,” I say, after he’s done telling me about the party incident. “Her upset wasn’t about you.”

“But why did it come out on me?” He asks. “I try to do my best for her and nothing seems like enough.”

“Emotions, Dave. Emotions. Tune into her emotions.

“Start learning her language. Decode her.

“She’ll pivot from food shopping to guests cancelling in a micro-second. And you’ll be left in the dust on the food shopping.

“She was upset about the guests, not you.”

“But…” he says. “It shouldn’t have come out on me.”

“I know, it seems unfair. But this is your chance to man up.”

“Try this, Dave,” I continue. “Say this to yourself.

“Her emotions came out on me. It wasn’t about me. I can be there for her.

“And I can say, I’m sorry, sweetie, that people cancelled. Let’s still do our best to have fun together.”

Hmmm… Dave looks up, thinking. He’s struggling to buy it.

“Ok, I’ll do my best,” he says. He gets it.

Changing his marriage is more important than being right.

In the weeks to come, Dave starts implementing and things improve dramatically with his wife.

Do you want to learn how to decode your wife’s emotions so you can experience less frustration and more joy?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. Men or women who want to learn more about men (that’s right, I am coaching women now).

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post Why Her Emotions Frustrate You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed with everything in my life – from running my business, helping run a household, raising a son, and all the other stuff that comes with it.

I knew I was depleted. I had lost a lot of energy in my relationship with my wife. We would go from brief moments of energized closeness to long desert spans of disconnection and mere functioning.

I remember asking myself…

How long can I make this last?

I was questioning the life I was living.

I had little in the tank with my wife after many attempts to heal the rifts between us, through therapy, counseling, or workshops.

The work we did on our marriage was mostly hail mary attempts, instead of committed, sustained efforts.

We just couldn’t seem to get on top of things to keep a strong connection. She struggled with a lot of chronic illnesses. I struggled with trying to hold up so much, so she could rest and heal.

I was in that classic scenario of burning the candle at both ends. Running hard to maintain a reality – work, family, marriage – that seemed to have no reprieve from stress or effort in sight.

It’s one thing to know relationship is hard work. It’s another to feel like it’s a mountain crushing you.

How can I keep going like this?

I often woke up, thinking this.

I wanted more love, trust, connection, sex, and yet it seemed like my wife and I were distant planets orbiting one another in separate galaxies, missing each other again and again.

And with the pain of it all, it was easy to hide out in the daily functioning of life, instead of making each other a priority and really taking command of our marriage. I really wanted that but it didn’t seem like it was a priority for her.

As I questioned the future of our coupledom, I began to get clarity that our future would be decided, not by some mysterious fate or hail mary attempt to make things better.

Nor would it be decided on how she received me. I already had a ton of data on that.

But instead, I got clarity of the future of our relationship through a simple question that I knew was critical for me to answer. And that simply was…

How much more work do I want to put into this marriage?

With that, came also… what do I have left in the tank?

Once I knew the answer, I got clear of how much more effort I was willing to put into the marriage.

I got clear on what I was willing to do to make the marriage work.

And what I was not willing to do. 

Where I still had skin in the game.

And where I was done.

Are you clear on how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship?

If not, you’re likely spinning in endless hypothetical scenarios in your mind.

If I do A, maybe she’ll do B. Or if I do C, maybe she’ll do D. It’s enough to drive a guy nuts. And it typically leaves him more confused than clear.

To get more clarity on if your relationship will last, check out the video below where I take you deeper into knowing where you’re in and where you’re out.

Most guys I know want their relationship to last.

They don’t want to give up on their partner. They don’t want to feel like a failure, especially when they’re married with kids and shared assets on the line.

But still they have thoughts of throwing in the towel, trying to imagine another life.

How do you really know when you’re done in a relationship?

It’s a huge decision and one made so much less stressful when you begin to access your inner clarity and authority.

Once you have that clarity, then you can begin to move toward an action plan. You can be fully aligned on where you’re willing to step in and what you want moving forward.

To help you get your clarity, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand in your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

The post Will My Relationship Last? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Sometimes, you even feel like you’re at the mercy of it. You want it now.

But you know you can’t demand it.

You know that demanding will just make it more likely that you won’t get it.

Besides, she’s an autonomous independent being.

What is it?

Sex. Of course.

It’s a big deal for us guys.

It’s often the most direct way that we feel love from our wife or partner.

Without sex, things just don’t feel right in the marriage or relationship.

It often feels as if… you are not right. You feel rejection.

A sense of her not being willing to receive you literally, physically, and, of course, emotionally.

Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship?

If so, I have an invitation for you.

To go deeper. To go to what you already know. A painful knowing which takes courage to confront.

The knowing that she’s shut down on you sexually.

And to be willing to learn the deeper causes of why she’s shut down on you.

And to know that it’s a manifestation of how she’s closed on a deeper level, emotionally.

You may have heard the expression, the key to her heart is…”___”

Fill in the blank. Trust, respect, love, emotion, safety….

What about the key to her vagina?

Well, you may have guessed it.

The key to her vagina is her heart.

There are actual nerves that connect her heart and vagina.

So how did her heart shut down on you?

Watch the video below to discover the 3 R’s – resentment, reclusion, and repair – that are key to understanding the deeper root causes of a sexless marriage and what to do about it.

Her heart shut down at some point in your relationship because she felt unsafe talking to you about things.

It could’ve been an incident that happened many years ago.

It could be something you did several weeks ago that reinforced an old story she tells herself.

A story that she’s not safe with you.

These are all deeper root causes of a sexless marriage. It does not just happen overnight.

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

I applaud you for your courage. For your commitment to give it your best shot.

You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post The Deeper Root Causes Of A Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Then there’s another group of guys in the marital battle zone. No sex. The house is on fire. And in response, they try to ignore it. Or they have a fire hose spraying everywhere. But still, the fire’s not going out.

And then there’s a rare few men who have an engaging, fulfilling marriage. They have good sex. They navigate conflict well with their wife. And they feel a sense of trusted home in their wife.

Which of these guys are you?

The first two guys are at a much higher risk of marital dissolution, a kind way of saying getting blindsided by divorce papers.

A fact: Of college-educated couples, it’s the woman 90% of the time who initiates divorce.

Yes, even the first guy. The one who thinks things are fine. He is totally shocked when he gets served papers. He’s like what, how’s that possible? I thought we were fine.

The second guy knows things are bad. But he doesn’t think she’ll pull the divorce trigger. He thinks she’s invested in staying. That’s why she hangs around, even though the house has been on fire for a while.

Are you at risk of getting blindsided by your wife asking for a divorce?

It’s a tough question to answer. And more than trying to cause fear in you, I’m interested in opening your eyes to the reality that this is happening left and right.

Knowledge is power. 90%. That’s a big number.

Regardless, most men would rather not deal with this. He thinks, I’m doing what I can. Or we’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about.

But what if you could see the warning signals. The red flags that she’s got divorce on her mind.

Did you know that women often decide two years prior to asking for a divorce?

Two years. Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. That’s a long time.

But the opportunity for you as a man, who cares about his family, who wants his marriage to work, is to do something critical now.

That something is simple but it takes some work. And I say it in two words in the video below.

Ok, I’m not going to be one of those guys who force you to watch a video to get the answer.

But I explain them more in-depth in the video above. So click on it now and keep the Youtube window open on your phone or laptop to watch when you have a moment.

Those two words are simple. Pay Attention.

Yes, pay attention to the state of your marriage. Pay attention to her body language. The way she looks at you or ignores you. Pay attention to the energy she does or doesn’t give you.

Do you know the signs of a woman who’s decided to divorce?

She’s given up hope. She doesn’t see any real reason to engage you directly anymore. She might have sex now and then, but emotionally she’s checked out or she’s stuck in complaint mode.

When you start to pay attention to her signals, you’ll have a read on the state of your marriage. And you’ll start to notice the #1 reason women blindside men with divorce.

And that is, they are emotionally unfulfilled in the marriage.

They have a voice in their head that says, He’s clueless. He’s checked out. I’m tired of this crap.

What can you do about your marriage?

Start talking to quality men. Men who are working on their marriage in a good way. Guys who are positive about their wives and have good ideas.

The problem is most of us guys don’t know any men like that. And that’s precisely why I created the Men’s Relationship School, where quality men are having powerful conversations to take charge of their marriage.

It’s where we use knowledge that could be dangerous to us and turn it into building strength in ourselves and our relationship.

Let’s face it. The state of your marriage, as much as you might try to avoid it, reflects the state of your life.

If you’re not a group guy and you want to consider 1:1 coaching, shoot me a quick email.

And lastly, if you´re going through a divorce, reply to learn how to divorce amicably for the well-being of your kids & your own mental and emotional health.

The post How Not To Get Blindsided By Your Wife Asking For A Divorce appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Maybe you’ve heard of them.

Maybe you’ve even heard that they are good for your marriage or relationship.

And yet maybe you’re still trying to figure out how the heck to implement them.

If that’s you, you won’t want to miss this podcast in which I speak in detail about:

• How to deal with the childish part of you that says either “I’m gonna let her have it” or “I need to take it from her.”
• How to implement healthy boundaries to deepen trust, intimacy, and happiness with your partner.
• Two types of boundaries and when to use which.
• And much more.

Tune in below.

Good Boundaries Make Great Marriages

And if you want to discuss with other guys going through the same struggles, try out The Men’s Relationship School.

For 2022, I have reduced the cost of The Men’s Relationship School by 50%. That’s 3 to 4 live group calls with me every month. Check it out with a money-back, no-questions-asked guarantee.

If you’re not a group guy, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Send me a quick email.

The post How Good Boundaries Make Great Marriages appeared first on Stuart Motola.

In fact, it’s something you should’ve known way before you even got married.

It’s precisely because you don’t know this one thing that you may be in a marriage that drains you more than fulfills you.

And it can put you in a position where you feel like you’ve lost yourself with your wife and wonder…

Who I am with her? Do I want to continue as things are?

You might even feel like you can do nothing right for her. Or you have to walk on eggshells around her.

I remember years ago when I was in this position, thinking, what I wouldn’t give to get clarity on the future of my marriage. If I only knew then what I know now.

Regardless, what I learned is this one thing. A thing that is critical to know if you want to stay in your marriage or not.

Do you want to know the future of your relationship?

If clarity has been elusive, chances are you were overlooking this one thing.

And here’s a chance to finally figure it out.

But I’m not gonna BS you, it takes a little bit of work.

Are you willing to do some work to get clear on your marriage’s prospects?

Every day you feel this one thing with your partner – in your ability to speak openly and to feel trusted and safe.

But in its absence, you often feel attacked, not enough, or unable to make her happy.

So, here it is. And I’m going to follow it up with a critical question.
In a nutshell, it’s… how you’ve entangled your nervous system with that of your partner.

You see, your nervous system is constantly giving you signals about the current state of your marriage – if you’re ok, if you’re not, if you’re vulnerable to attack or safe to engage.

There’s a ton of information readily available within you. And you likely have a sense of it but it’s very rare that an individual knows the meaning of it or what it’s clearly telling them.

To get to that clarity, consider this one related question that gets straight to the core of what you’re feeling and what’s going on inside of you.

When I think of the future, 5, 10 years down the road, do I want to continue to be entangled in the nervous system of my partner or not?

To answer, it helps to pause and slow things down. Take a few breaths and get out of your head. Below the neck, I like to say. Feel the answer in your body.

That’s the no-bullshit zone where you’re not trying to argue your way out of information that scares you.

Give it a try right now. Close your eyes for five seconds. Ask yourself the question. See what your body says.

Can you try this for a moment?

For a lot of guys, it’s a hell no, I don’t want to stay entangled in her nervous system. She’s nervous, she’s anxious, she’s hysterical.

For many women, it’s he’s checked out, he’s withdrawn, I don’t know where the man is, I can’t relax or trust him.

But let’s be clear, this might just be where you are at this moment.

What if instead of just wanting to get the hell out of your marriage, you could pause, slow things down, and make peace with all your inner voices?

Because chances are if you’re reading this there’s another part of you that wants to make things work.

There’s a lot to consider. Your kids, mutual assets, the family. Self-judgments of being the jerk who blows up his family. The asshole who betrays his partner.

Let’s get real. It’s not just as simple as, do I want to stay connected to my partner or not?

But with the noise of all your other concerns, you rarely get to the “gut information” about your nervous system and what you’re choosing relationally.

In fact, often we won’t go there because we fear the answer.

And yet getting to that “gut truth” will help you know what you’re in the room with.

Why you struggle so much to move forward.

And how easy it is to stay stuck and frozen without clarity, for months, years, and even decades.

What if it wasn’t just about saving or leaving your relationship but about leaving who you’ve become in your relationship and becoming a better version of yourself to make the best decision possible?

And from there you’d be in a much stronger place to make this huge decision.

To get to the “gut truth” about the future of your relationship and what it’s really telling you, check out the video below.

Do you want to make the right decision about your marriage?

Regardless of whether you save or leave your relationship, you, your kids, and your wife deserve a better version of you. And it’s from there that you’ll make the right decision for you and your family moving forward.

Getting there is not rocket science but it can feel elusive. To get it right. To be present with fear instead of avoiding it. To step out of your comfort zone and into transformation with wise guidance.

If you’re ready to step into action and move past information, shoot me a quick email. Let’s explore what’s possible for you.

Remember, nobody can do the work for you but you can’t do it alone.

And if you’re not ready to consider the investment of 1:1 coaching, check out The Men’s Relationship School.

It’s a school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship. A group of guys taking action together as a team on their relationships one hour per week.

Check it out now and learn how to…

• GET CLARITY on the save or leave your relationship question.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS and be the best version of yourself.
• STOP BEING INVISIBLE with your partner and start going after what you want in your relationship.

And if you’re not ready for action and only want information, check out my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post Answer This One Question To Know If You Should Save Or Leave Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

My client Jack raises his hands like claws at his skull. The complaints come at him constantly. It feels like an endless barrage.

He works full time as the CEO of a successful company. And he’s still not doing enough.

Is your wife always complaining?

Jack’s wife was complaining A LOT. And unfortunately for him, he got sucked down the rabbit hole with her.

He did that by making her complaints about him. He internalized the belief that no matter what he did, her complaints were a sign that he had failed her as a man.

“Even the kids,” he said, “are not good enough for her. They’re on their phones all the time. They’re unhelpful. I mean, jeez woman, these are our kids. Come on. Cut them some slack!”

What Jack really meant was “cut ME some slack.” Being with a wife who complains a lot can be a major burden for a guy.

Do you take on your wife’s complaints as your burden?

It seems that more and more these days a lot of women traffic in complaints. In some ways, you could say it’s their style of communication.

But you see most of us guys don’t understand that. And we take it personally.

Like Jack, we make it about us. Whether we know it or not, we have this unconscious belief in “happy wife, happy life.”

The problem with that is on the flip side, it translates to “unhappy wife, unhappy life.” And then we internalize the belief that if she’s hot happy, then I can’t be.

And while it’s noble to care about your wife’s well-being, taking on her happiness as your responsibility DOES NOT work out well, as Jack noticed.

Do you take on your wife’s unhappiness as your responsibility?

You see, the thing is Jack did this, in order to fill a void within himself. He abandoned his own wants and needs and focused solely on those of his wife.

And that meant, he abandoned what he wanted. As a result, he only knew what he didn’t want.

“So, what’s your greatest hope with her?” I asked him.

“That she’ll stop complaining!” He said.

I nodded. And then I asked him something else, something he hadn’t thought possible. Something he couldn’t even imagine.

What if you could transform her complaints into loving requests?

His eyebrows raised with disbelief. “Yeah, right, are you some kind of magician?”

The next few months, Jack and I went on a mission to do just this. And this is how we did it.

The first thing I taught Jack was to stop making his wife’s complaints all about him. To start seeing that HE was not the problem. The problem was how he dealt with her complaints.

Like a man, he took it all on. I call this false heroism. It’s the b.s. behind the “happy wife, happy life” script, which Jack wasn’t even aware was running him.

Together we worked on helping him put some distance between himself and his wife’s complaints. To have a healthy boundary. Not letting all her complaints penetrate the deepest parts of his heart.

Do your wife’s complaints tear at your heart?

Once Jack learned to have a healthy boundary from his wife’s complaints, he was able to actually be the good, caring guy he wanted to be. What an irony.

You see, even though Jack was a powerful guy at work, at home he was a nice guy.

And as a nice guy, he thought that letting his wife’s complaints penetrate his heart was empathy and being a good guy.

But the problem is that strategy shut him down to her and just caused him a ton of resentments.

Do you get resentful at your wife when she complains?

If so, do what I taught Jack. Start to separate yourself from her complaints. Create a healthy boundary on what you let sink in.

Start to see that she’s the one having a hard time. Not you. Let me repeat. NOT YOU! You don’t have to take that on.

And in fact, when you stop taking it on, you’ll be a better man for her.

Being a good man is not the same as letting all her complaints sink into your heart.

When you stop that, and yes even if she attacks your character, you are in a much more powerful position to keep yourself safe and not be dragged down.

And when you’re not dragged down, you receive something else. It’s called bandwidth. That offers you more energy. Energy to hear her and listen, and yes, with empathy.

It’s empathy that helps her get what she wants – to feel heard and be seen. The lack of being heard and seen is what has her complaining so much in the first place.

And when she’s heard and seen, her whole nervous system calms down. She feels loved. And it’s then that you can transform her complaint into a loving request.

Do you want to transform her complaints into loving requests?

If so, check out the video below for 3 key steps I took Jack through to get his marriage from “I’m done” to “I feel loved and respected.”

It’s tough being a guy in marriage today. We want to be good to our wife and we want to be empathic.

Of course, we want to be a good guy. Nobody wants to be the macho jerk. We want to try to meet her needs as best as we can.

But when they come out in the form of complaints all the time, it’s only human to get resentful.

Are you stuck between resentments and the desire to be a good man for your wife?

If so, cut yourself some slack. How would you know how to do any different? Did you ever go to school for this stuff? Of course not. Maybe like me, you went to the school of heart knocks.

Well, I’m excited to say that I have created a relationship school for men. The Men’s Relationship School. A school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship.

Let’s face it, not every guy is ready for the deeper commitment and investment of 1:1 coaching. That’s why I created The Men’s Relationship School. I’m offering it for a low monthly fee of $89, but you can enjoy the month of October for FREE!

Try it out and learn how to…

• HAVE A STRONG BACKBONE to get the respect and love you deserve.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and stay bold and calm in the heat of conflict.
• TRANSFORM HER COMPLAINTS into loving requests.
• And more.

Not a group guy? To talk 1:1, shoot me a quick email.

And join my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post Transform Her Complaints Into Loving Requests appeared first on Stuart Motola.

I dreamed of our future. Wondered what our kids would look like. Thought about the life we’d create together.

I sought a home in my prior wife at the time. A psychological, emotional, and sexual home. A place I could rest and relax and not deal with dating or seeking women anymore.

Think back to when you first got married.

What were your ambitions when you got married?

Chances are you felt comfort in having a loyal and loving partner.

You felt a sense of a richer life with her. A sense of completion in her presence.

Maybe you felt a sense of comfort knowing she’d be there for you. A sense of a safe, stable, loving person to come home to.

Often when we get married, we have great ambitions for a rich life together.

We think about what kind of home we’ll create together one day, what our kids we will look like. So much possibility and excitement.

What was alive for you when you first got married?

Chances are it was many years ago. You were young. So much has changed and happened since then.

Maybe remembering your initial love is a painful reminder of how far you’ve drifted from one another.

In that hangover, it’s easy to beat yourself up about it. To heap self-judgement on what might feel like failure.

For most of us, many years after marriage, we have crashed into reality. Life passed us by. And we lost our partner to the busyness of the day to day of kids, work, and home.

And then what was once an aspiration for a beautiful loving home with her over time became a prison.

Does your marriage ever feel like a prison?

A place where you feel anything but free. You feel like a small version of yourself.

I was there too. My wife and I had lost each other in marriage. She had little or no time for me. I felt invisible. Sex was rare.

The same old patterns occurred, the same old arguments, and over time it seemed like nothing would change and I couldn’t escape.

What’s the point of being married? I thought. There’s no more joy in it, just a lot of misery.

How can you get back to the joy in your marriage?

First, you have to be willing to admit where you’re at. In the face of fear. Or in the face of self-judgement. Even in the face of perceived failure.

If you can’t name it, you can’t tame it. You can’t change it. You stay in prison.

Maybe you’re hiding the failure of your marriage from your parents, your kids, your community.

But what if you could get free again?

In the video below, I offer 3 tips from admission to self-responsibility to the third most crucial phase of action.

And what if your marriage was supposed to happen exactly as it has?

Imagine that you needed to get into this prison, in order to arouse your hunger for freedom.

The fierce thirst for a more open, honest, and loving relationship, like a man clawing his way to water in the desert.

A great thinker once said that a man must experience a period of non-freedom before he can value his freedom.

What if, in some crazy way, this prison you’re living in is a gateway to something bigger and more expansive than you could ever imagine?

Most men come to me, thinking our work is about saving or leaving their marriage. Ultimately, that’s the external manifestation of the work.

What they are really working on is how to awaken their ability to act courageously in the face of fear. To do so, in service to re-negotiating the contract of their marriage – be it to recreate it or end it.

And that is what helps a man get out of the prison of his marriage, to the freedom in relationship that he ultimately craves.

To say I’m responsible for what happens here and I’m responsible to make this situation better for everyone involved, even if it appears in moments that I am hurting the ones I love.

But most men falter here. They get stuck in a spiral of depression and inaction.

It’s only that rare breed of man who creates a paradise from a prison.

Are you ready to get out of the prison of your marriage?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re uncertain of your next action, ask yourself…

• Are you that guy who struggles to ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT in your relationship?
• Is it a challenge for you to GET THE RESPECT, LOVE, & SEX you seek from your partner?
• Do you want to GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and BE BOLD AND CONFIDENT in the heat of conflict?
• Do you seek to be AN EMPOWERED MAN IN A FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP with an empowered woman?

If this is you, stop the struggle and start the successes.

And check out my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items.

The post 3 Tips For When Your Marriage Feels Like A Prison appeared first on Stuart Motola.

It is your responsibility to co-pilot the ship together.

And yet after years together, both of you let go of the wheel.

Have you captained the ship of your marriage?

If not, in time the ship hits a channel of rocks. And yes, that’s why we say, the marriage is on the rocks.

You struggle to get out of the channel. You crank the engine in reverse. You push off a giant pole. Nothing works. You feel stuck.

So then you do what most people do. You see a therapist.

Have you been to therapy for your marital challenges?

When we have marital struggles, the first place we often turn to is a therapist. It seems like the logical place to go.

You go on your own or with your partner. You talk about your challenges. You’re heard and listened to.

And yet do you get clarity on how to right the ship of your marriage?

The common complaint I hear from men regarding therapy is this. There’s a lack of direction.

“Therapy helped me understand what was going on in my marriage, but it didn’t give me any sense of how to change it,” a client of mine recently said.

Another client said, “There was no road map on how to make progress. And that’s what I wanted.”

Why does therapy feel so directionless to so many men?

Simply put, many therapists have a “problem” problem. They are more interested in the problem than a clear solution.

They don’t think in terms of roadmaps or strategies. In fact, they’re often suspicious of them.

And for many men, that leaves them feeling stranded without a raft.

Do you lack a clear action plan with your therapist?

Often we can ignore that. Because therapy can often feel good in the moment. Comforting even.

“Ah, I see what’s going on,” a man might say afterwards.

But twenty-four hours later, the thrill is gone, the insight fades, and his marriage stays stuck.

Is therapy keeping you stuck in your marriage?

Check out the video below to discover the ONE KEY reason why therapy keeps many men stuck in their marriage and what to do about it.

There’s one key thing that men know and trust. And this is particularly true of guys who have had success in their professional lives.

When the pay offs in an endeavor are clear and the blueprint is well-articulated, he’s much more motivated to stay in the game, be a part of the team, and go after what he wants.

And when he’s optimistic about the success he seeks, he gets inspired to step into action to change what is not happening in his life. And that’s doubly true of his marriage.

Do you want to get unstuck in your marriage?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

Connect with a bunch of powerful guys playing big in their marriages in my next Men’s Relationship School session (formerly Men’s Relationship Tools) this Tuesday at 12pm ET.

And for daily relationship tips and action items, join my private men’s only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.

The post How Therapy Can Keep You Stuck In Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.