Feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed with everything in my life – from running my business, helping run a household, raising a son, and all the other stuff that comes with it.

I knew I was depleted. I had lost a lot of energy in my relationship with my wife. We would go from brief moments of energized closeness to long desert spans of disconnection and mere functioning.

I remember asking myself…

How long can I make this last?

I was questioning the life I was living.

I had little in the tank with my wife after many attempts to heal the rifts between us, through therapy, counseling, or workshops.

The work we did on our marriage was mostly hail mary attempts, instead of committed, sustained efforts.

We just couldn’t seem to get on top of things to keep a strong connection. She struggled with a lot of chronic illnesses. I struggled with trying to hold up so much, so she could rest and heal.

I was in that classic scenario of burning the candle at both ends. Running hard to maintain a reality – work, family, marriage – that seemed to have no reprieve from stress or effort in sight.

It’s one thing to know relationship is hard work. It’s another to feel like it’s a mountain crushing you.

How can I keep going like this?

I often woke up, thinking this.

I wanted more love, trust, connection, sex, and yet it seemed like my wife and I were distant planets orbiting one another in separate galaxies, missing each other again and again.

And with the pain of it all, it was easy to hide out in the daily functioning of life, instead of making each other a priority and really taking command of our marriage. I really wanted that but it didn’t seem like it was a priority for her.

As I questioned the future of our coupledom, I began to get clarity that our future would be decided, not by some mysterious fate or hail mary attempt to make things better.

Nor would it be decided on how she received me. I already had a ton of data on that.

But instead, I got clarity of the future of our relationship through a simple question that I knew was critical for me to answer. And that simply was…

How much more work do I want to put into this marriage?

With that, came also… what do I have left in the tank?

Once I knew the answer, I got clear of how much more effort I was willing to put into the marriage.

I got clear on what I was willing to do to make the marriage work.

And what I was not willing to do. 

Where I still had skin in the game.

And where I was done.

Are you clear on how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship?

If not, you’re likely spinning in endless hypothetical scenarios in your mind.

If I do A, maybe she’ll do B. Or if I do C, maybe she’ll do D. It’s enough to drive a guy nuts. And it typically leaves him more confused than clear.

To get more clarity on if your relationship will last, check out the video below where I take you deeper into knowing where you’re in and where you’re out.

Most guys I know want their relationship to last.

They don’t want to give up on their partner. They don’t want to feel like a failure, especially when they’re married with kids and shared assets on the line.

But still they have thoughts of throwing in the towel, trying to imagine another life.

How do you really know when you’re done in a relationship?

It’s a huge decision and one made so much less stressful when you begin to access your inner clarity and authority.

Once you have that clarity, then you can begin to move toward an action plan. You can be fully aligned on where you’re willing to step in and what you want moving forward.

To help you get your clarity, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand in your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

The post Will My Relationship Last? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Tom, a successful CEO, was not talking about his company but about, you guessed it, his marriage of 18 years.

Does your marriage sometimes feel like hell?

Maybe you can relate to Tom’s experience.

“It’s just like we cross wires. I say one thing. She totally misinterprets it. And then she’s off to the races about how I don’t care about her and I’m selfish.”

Tom pauses and takes a deep breath.

“And I’m left scratching my head, wondering, what am I an alien? It’s like we’re on different planets.”

How do we miss each other as partners?

Why are we so distant at times?

And how can what was once the greatest love of your life become a hell?

Often these questions swirl in a guy’s solitary mind, unknown to anyone.

He feels isolated and fearful of talking to anyone about it, even fearful he’ll be found out.

Maybe he’ll eventually talk to a friend or a therapist. And he gets a bunch of stuff off his chest and feels less alone but nothing changes.

Unlike a therapist, as a coach, I’m not particularly focused on you getting stuff off your chest, but more on how you can take action to turn your hell into a heaven, or at the very least, a stable place you can call home.

How can you turn the hell of your marriage into a heaven or stable home?

You have to be willing to take risks. And that means wise risks. Risks that get you payoffs.

In truth, many guys would rather swirl in the why and stay stuck in what I call the maze of self-blame and blaming their wife.

He prefers the hell he knows to the heaven that’s an unknown. And in some ways, that’s common to human nature in its raw unconscious state.

We don’t even know we’re choosing hell. But we damn sure feel it.

Have you co-created a hell of your marriage?

If so, check out the video below to discover a quick filter to know if you are choosing a comfortably known hell over an unknown heaven awaiting you.

Nobody wants to live in hell. Of course not.

And yet when we spiral into the same old arguments with our partner without moving the needle of our relationship forward, choosing comfort over the unknown, we choose hell.

The inferno burns and it f*#king hurts.

You can do better than hell. But you have to be willing to take risks, get uncomfortable, and get the right help.

And I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’m the right help for you.

To find out, you have to take a risk, just like Tom did, who turned around the hell of his marriage, working with me.

Take the first step and shoot me a quick email.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your marriage. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

And for the many women reading these emails (yes, 50% of you), check out this special link just for women.

And for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly zoom calls, formerly known as The Men’s Relationship School.

This February, join all men’s relationship tools call for free. To take advantage just email me with MRT Free in the subject and I’ll send you the link to join the call.

The post Why Your Marriage Sometimes Feels Like Hell appeared first on Stuart Motola.

But like so many other successful men I speak with, his marriage is falling apart.

Jake can’t reconcile himself to his own failure at home. He loves his kids but he refuses to fully acknowledge his wife’s unhappiness.

Sure, it bugs him. And yes, he wants her to be happy. But instead of engaging with her, he’s thinking about throwing in the towel.

Do you ever think about throwing in the towel in your marriage?

“Why the hell not?” he says. “I’m happy in my life. But with her, all I get is a boat load of complaints.”

I nod. “Jake, why did you marry Emily?”

“She was charming, charismatic, the kind of woman who turned heads at a party.”

“So you married a trophy?” I say.

“Well… uh… no!”

“What else attracted you to her?” I say.

He pauses and thinks, goes a bit deeper.

“She was kind and loving. She had an open-hearted way about her.”

“Thank you.” I nod. “And now you’ve lost her heart and you want out?”

He pauses. “Yeah, but…”

There is no but. He knows it and stops short.

“You’ve focused on her unhappiness and her complaints as the problem. You’ve retreated into your work life and left her behind. True or false?”

No answer. Implied is true.

Do you sometimes want to just leave it all behind?

“So what do I do?” Jake asks me.

“You first decide if you want to save your family and resuscitate your marriage. It might mean you getting off your high horse of my life’s great, she’s a pain in the ass.”

“Ok. And how do I do that?”

I go on to teach Jake about relationality, about “we” consciousness instead of “me” consciousness, about having a relationship with his wife.

Do you want an authentic relationship with your wife?

You see Jake had diagnosed the problem – it was Emily’s unhappiness that was the problem. It wasn’t their marriage or his being emotionally checked out.

It’s something that I see with a lot of successful men who put themselves in this safe, constructed reality.

And it’s why so many men are stuck in their marriage.

Are you stuck in your marriage?

Learn why so many men get stuck in their relationship in the video below.

Within a few weeks, Jake starts spending more time at home, trying to help out around the house. He understands how he lost the sense of team with his wife.

He begins to now play for his family, instead of the fleeting egoic trip of accolades from his work colleagues.

Who would be at his deathbed at the end of his days?

Who would be walking with him in the next 10 years?

As a 47 year old man, he starts thinking about these things.

What’s the long game you’re playing in your marriage?

Work was not the problem. But giving everything to work and little to his relationship was. No wonder Jake ended up in a marital shit show.

Jake began putting his home life in better balance with his work life. And after two months of working together, we brought Emily onto our calls.

I spoke with her alone first. It was important that she saw I wasn’t just working for Jake but for them as a couple.

In a month, they both learned to open up to one another, to hear each other’s side of the story, to stop reacting and start responding, and slow down and connect with one another.

Do you want to step into your marriage to build a better relationship?

If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to build your risk tolerance to bring passion back into your relationship.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where I am helping men step into action to improve their relationship when it comes to sex, passion, trust, confidence, manhood, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now.

The post Why Men Feel Stuck In Their Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The brutal nature of feeling like the one person – your wife or partner – to whom you’ve limited your sexuality has closed the door on that part of your life.

She’s no longer interested in sex. She says she can’t be physically intimate if she doesn’t first feel emotionally connected. Or she just doesn’t want you.

The list goes on. She has dryness issues. She has trauma around sex. She has health issues and doesn’t feel comfortable in her body.

Of course, some of these reasons are serious and not to be taken lightly. But it can be frustrating as hell if she’s not actively trying to do anything about it.

Do you feel trapped in a sexless relationship?

Of course, women experience a lack of sex with their partner as well. But from working with men for over 15 years, and being a dude who experienced it, I know the harshness on the man-side of this equation.

While we guys are changing and “evolving,” 95+% of us will never evolve past our natural need for physical intimacy. And those who try are typically self-emasculating.

Sex is a natural love language for us dudes. And that alone doesn’t mean we’re perpetrators or players.

When a man’s woman receives him sexually, he is at the mountain top of his relationship. He feels deeply loved, accepted, and respected.

Of course, dudes want other things. But sex is key for most men to experience their deepest and most fulfilling connection to the feminine.

And when that door shuts, a guy can easily start to think, how the hell can I continue like this?

This is the voice of a man in a sexless marriage.

Are you in a sexless marriage?

In response, a guy typically does one of two things. The first is to try to woo her, win her over again, please her, make her happy, anything, so she’ll open up to him sexually again.

And if that doesn’t work, as she often sees through his ploy, he begins to withdraw and retreat. He turns to porn, pot, alcohol, an affair, anything to numb the painful reality he’s living in.

He might even shut down to her and say to himself, screw it, she’s gonna close herself off, I’ll show her and close her off as well.

On both sides of these responses is a guy who feels trapped and is at a loss about what to do about a super-desperate situation.

Do you struggle to know what to do about a lack of sex in your relationship?

Beyond making her happy to get sex or withdrawing completely, there are a few things you can do.

And the first one is to begin to reclaim your sexuality.

Get it out of your head that she owns the sexual part of you. You own that part of you.

Engage your sexuality so that you’re not at your wife’s mercy, to put you in a better position to influence her to open up to you again.

In the video below, I talk about 3 powerful ways to not be at her mercy and help her open up again.

Brother, you’ve got a lot more power than you realize. In moments of a sexless relationship, it may not feel like that. And that’s especially true when the lower part of you has you completely jacked up.

But when you begin to learn to work with that part of you, you can do this.

Approach your partner in a way that doesn’t have her feeling like you’re just trying to get her into the sack.

Because let’s face it, nobody likes to be manipulated by someone else’s agenda. And that’s true for her, and for you.

What if instead, she could experience closeness with you in a way that has her wanting to jump into bed with you?

Imagine if you could create a relationship where sex is enjoyable for both of you. Where you’re both open and excited to be together.

I’m not gonna B.S. you. It takes some work. But nothing important in life happens without some work.

Are you ready to create the loving, sexually fulfilling relationship you seek?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you reclaim your sexuality and your relationship.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, manhood, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

The post Own Your Sexuality in a Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

It happened to me when I was just 5 years old. It was then that I first learned fear wasn’t okay for a boy.

I remember my older brother, who was eight at the time, said to me, “What are you afraid of, you little baby? Little Stu Stu’s gonna cry. Scaredy cat.”

BAM! Message received. It’s not ok to experience fear.

How old were you when you first felt fear?

Maybe you have a story like me where someone, an older sibling, a kid on the playground, or an adult said, fear is not welcome here.

If so, chances are that like me and most men, you learned to put fear underground at a young age.

And then you buried it years later as an adult in your marriage. It happens in many ways.

I fear her blowing up on me again.

Will she go all cold and distant again?

I fear being alone if things don’t work out.

Is my marriage a failure?

In over 15 years of coaching men in relationship, I’ve seen men respond to their fears in two primary ways.

How do you handle fear in your relationship?

One is the tough-guy approach. A man buries his fear and acts like he’s whipped it but underneath it’s driving his behaviors.

Verbal tantrums. A need to control things. A sense of never being safe but projecting otherwise.

The second way is the wimp approach. A guy tries to do all he can to make sure he doesn’t upset his partner. He walks on eggshells.

Ultimately, he tries to get safe from his fears by trying to make everyone else safe but inside, he’s a wreck.

His partner feels no safety with him. She has no sense of his boundaries. She never knows where he really stands on things because he follows her like a ping pong ball.

What’s your greatest fear in your relationship?

Both approaches try to make fear go away. But fear doesn’t just go away. It goes underground, into the shadows.

And it can keep a man stuck in a toxic relationship for years on end.

The biggest fear I’ve seen coaching men is a man’s fear of being alone.

Of course, saddle that up with fear of being a failure, fear of letting down his kids. And the list could go on and on.

But his fear of being alone is the giant elephant in the room. Once a man gets past it, he’s finally free to create the marriage he ultimately wants.

How does fear of being alone impact how you approach your relationship?

Consider, instead of getting past fear, conquering fear, or burying it, all of which create an inner civil war, developing a relationship with fear.

Own it. Don’t project it onto your partner. And don’t let it hold you hostage in a toxic marriage.

How can you use fear of being alone to work for you instead of against you?

Learn more in the video below.

Do you stay in a challenged marriage for fear of being alone?

That fear can be crippling. It keeps you at a low energy level. And it keeps you divided in your relationship.

What if instead, fear had a valuable message for you? And you could receive that message?

That’s when you’ll be freed up to be the man you want to be in relationship – confident, capable, and caring.

It’s time to end your inner civil war with fear.

Action is the only way to get out of living the rest of your life in fear.

Take a first simple step. Shoot me a quick email. Let’s talk for 45 minutes. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on fear.

And when we talk, there’s no sales job, just an honest conversation between two men being kind and real.

I’d be honored to hear from you because I know that even the first small step of an email is a huge act of courage.

If that’s too big of a step for you, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

And lastly, if you´re currently going through a divorce, reply to get the support you need during a hard time.

The post What To Do When Fear Of Being Alone Keeps You Stuck In A Toxic Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Then there’s another group of guys in the marital battle zone. No sex. The house is on fire. And in response, they try to ignore it. Or they have a fire hose spraying everywhere. But still, the fire’s not going out.

And then there’s a rare few men who have an engaging, fulfilling marriage. They have good sex. They navigate conflict well with their wife. And they feel a sense of trusted home in their wife.

Which of these guys are you?

The first two guys are at a much higher risk of marital dissolution, a kind way of saying getting blindsided by divorce papers.

A fact: Of college-educated couples, it’s the woman 90% of the time who initiates divorce.

Yes, even the first guy. The one who thinks things are fine. He is totally shocked when he gets served papers. He’s like what, how’s that possible? I thought we were fine.

The second guy knows things are bad. But he doesn’t think she’ll pull the divorce trigger. He thinks she’s invested in staying. That’s why she hangs around, even though the house has been on fire for a while.

Are you at risk of getting blindsided by your wife asking for a divorce?

It’s a tough question to answer. And more than trying to cause fear in you, I’m interested in opening your eyes to the reality that this is happening left and right.

Knowledge is power. 90%. That’s a big number.

Regardless, most men would rather not deal with this. He thinks, I’m doing what I can. Or we’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about.

But what if you could see the warning signals. The red flags that she’s got divorce on her mind.

Did you know that women often decide two years prior to asking for a divorce?

Two years. Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. That’s a long time.

But the opportunity for you as a man, who cares about his family, who wants his marriage to work, is to do something critical now.

That something is simple but it takes some work. And I say it in two words in the video below.

Ok, I’m not going to be one of those guys who force you to watch a video to get the answer.

But I explain them more in-depth in the video above. So click on it now and keep the Youtube window open on your phone or laptop to watch when you have a moment.

Those two words are simple. Pay Attention.

Yes, pay attention to the state of your marriage. Pay attention to her body language. The way she looks at you or ignores you. Pay attention to the energy she does or doesn’t give you.

Do you know the signs of a woman who’s decided to divorce?

She’s given up hope. She doesn’t see any real reason to engage you directly anymore. She might have sex now and then, but emotionally she’s checked out or she’s stuck in complaint mode.

When you start to pay attention to her signals, you’ll have a read on the state of your marriage. And you’ll start to notice the #1 reason women blindside men with divorce.

And that is, they are emotionally unfulfilled in the marriage.

They have a voice in their head that says, He’s clueless. He’s checked out. I’m tired of this crap.

What can you do about your marriage?

Start talking to quality men. Men who are working on their marriage in a good way. Guys who are positive about their wives and have good ideas.

The problem is most of us guys don’t know any men like that. And that’s precisely why I created the Men’s Relationship School, where quality men are having powerful conversations to take charge of their marriage.

It’s where we use knowledge that could be dangerous to us and turn it into building strength in ourselves and our relationship.

Let’s face it. The state of your marriage, as much as you might try to avoid it, reflects the state of your life.

If you’re not a group guy and you want to consider 1:1 coaching, shoot me a quick email.

And lastly, if you´re going through a divorce, reply to learn how to divorce amicably for the well-being of your kids & your own mental and emotional health.

The post How Not To Get Blindsided By Your Wife Asking For A Divorce appeared first on Stuart Motola.

He was a great connector when it came to people. At work, he was confident and capable. He loved what he did.

Yet at home, it was a totally different story. At home, he lived in fear.

Fear that he couldn’t make his wife happy. Fear that he would upset her at any moment. Fear that she’d never be intimate with him. Fear that she would leave him and he’d be alone forever.

Do you experience fear in your marriage?

Ben was so deep in fear that he couldn’t get out of it. As you can imagine, that made things worse.

Fear can grab a man and never let go.

Fear that your wife will never want to be intimate again. Fear that she will not open up to you again. Fear that you’ll die in a sexless marriage.

What do you fear in your relationship?

Ben didn’t even really know. It took us talking several times before he was even willing to acknowledge that he had any fears.

He had that classic tough-guy facade. But even though he wouldn’t name it, he felt the symptoms – his wife ignoring him, her getting upset at small things, his feeling like he had to hideout.

Often he would feel agitated at home. He’d wonder, What’s going on? Why is everything she’s doing annoying me? Why do I want to just run and hide?

Do you ever want to just disappear from your marriage?

When Ben spoke to me about it, I helped him realize that his desire to hide out had a healthy intention, to be safe, but it presented itself in a way that actually made him less safe.

When he hid out from his wife, he became less trustworthy to her. So of course, she got more irritable and annoyed with him.

What if instead, you could gain your wife’s trust by engaging directly with her?

You’d learn that you don’t need to hideout. You’d develop the confidence to speak honestly with your partner about your experiences without having things blow up on you.

And that’s where Ben built up his confidence. He started doing things that seemed almost impossible months prior.

Things like having hard honest conversations that brought his wife and him closer. Noticing when he wanted to run but instead engaging. Feeling fear without capitulating to it.

Over time, he built up the capacity to work with his anxieties with his wife to relax and just be himself.

What if you could just relax and be yourself with your wife?

Check out this video where I offer 3 powerful strategies for how to get past your fears when it comes to your relationship.

I hate to say it, but fear is a fact of life.

But when we listen to fear, instead of just capitulating to it, fear has a powerful message for us, one that Ben learned quickly.

95% of the time, fear’s message simply is “I want you to be safe.”

Extract that message and make fear work FOR you instead of against you.

It’s then that you’ll feel safer in your skin. You’ll have more capacity to keep your cool and be the confident man that you seek to be in your relationship.

Do you want to learn to work with your fears instead of being worked over by them?

If so, take a simple first step like Ben did. Shoot me a quick email. Let’s explore what’s possible for you in an initial conversation.

And getting past your fears is one of many things I teach men at The Men’s Relationship School.

For $47/month, MRS will help you…

• Learn simple strategies to work with fear when it comes to your relationship.
• Develop self-confidence by doing things that once felt impossible.
• And finally become you again – the real, authentic confident you, not a guy who hides out.

Lastly, if you´re on the brink of divorce, email me at info@stuartmotola.com to learn about a personalized group coaching program for guys learning to do relationship ending amicably for the well-being of their kids & own mental and emotional health.

The post Fears That Sabotage Your Relationship & How To Stop Them appeared first on Stuart Motola.

What do you do?

In the past month, two clients told me a version of this story above.

Both were stunned at their kids’ responses when they told them that they might be headed for divorce.

Can you imagine what the kids said?

“I’m surprised you hung in there so long. I thought you and mom would’ve divorced years ago.”

Is your marriage working? Is it serving you, your wife, and your kids?

Hey, I’m not a homewrecker. I really do want marriages to work out.

But I also don’t believe it’s wise to stay in a marriage that you want to leave just for fear of how it will impact your kids.

And that’s especially true with two miserable, stressed-out parents.

What if you could divorce with the love you married with?

On the Mankind Podcast, my most vulnerable podcast ever, I recently shared:

• The most difficult conversations that men avoid with their wife.
• My own personal story away from divorce and into emancipation.
• How divorce is an unsavory word and what to use instead.

Check it out now.

If you´re on the brink of divorce, reach out to me to learn how to divorce lovingly and wisely, for the well-being of your kids & your own mental and emotional health.

And if you want to discuss with other guys going through the same struggles, try out The Men’s Relationship School. For 2022, I have reduced the cost of The Men’s Relationship School by 50%. That’s 3 to 4 live group calls with me every month. Check it out with a money-back, no-questions-asked guarantee.

The post Tough Conversations Men Avoid With Their Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

His wife’s over-spending on excessive gifts.

Trying to be “joyful” with her when you’re just not.

The sense of obligation to be on your best behavior for the kids.

It can all leave a guy dreading the holidays. Yet these are mere symptoms of a bigger problem a guy often misses.

The real source of a man’s dread is the sense that he has to behave his way through his wife’s holiday agenda. She does all the planning and we guys just go along with it all.

He struggles to assert his wants and needs, and to even know he has any wants and needs for the holidays.

What do you want this holiday season?

A lot of men say, I just want to be left alone. I just want some peace. I just want to watch the game on the sofa.

Great, do that. But don’t check out altogether from your family. That’s playing small.

Show up. Play big this holiday season. Take charge. Do the work of asking yourself, what would I really enjoy?

In the absence of that, the holidays can feel like a bunch of boring obligations. Instead, make it a special, fulfilling time of the year to love and connect with your family.

Do you want to enjoy the holidays this year?

If so, do this. Claim what you want for yourself and your family this holiday season.

Don’t just be a passenger on your partner’s holiday program. Take initiative, co-pilot, and assert yourself.

Yes, you can do this, even if you’ve followed your partner’s lead for 15 years. Even if she questions you. I know. That was my deal.

And being a co-creator means first, get clear on what you want for your holidays, then speak it to your partner, and then make clear agreements with her about what the holidays will look like.

That could be as simple as you saying, “I want to go for a hike or walk on Christmas or New Year’s Day.”

Or I want to sing karaoke to Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.”

Or I want to create time for all of us to speak what we’re grateful for.

What would your best holidays look like?

The default for most guys is to resign themselves to sitting on the sidelines and letting his partner take the lead. To not rock the boat.

But you know what that looks like – a lot of obligations. You can do better.

When I feared my wife rejecting my wants, I still went after them.

“Ok,” I said. “You guys don’t want to go for a walk on Christmas day. Well, I’m going to take an hour to go for a walk by myself.”

And super important, was to include the benefits to her of me getting what I wanted.

“And this will actually allow me to be more present with you and Jake (our son) and enjoy our time together,” I added.

No fights. Win-win.

If this sounds nuts to you, chances are it’s just what you need. Resistance has that way of showing us exactly what we need.

What’s possible for you this holiday season?

Let go of your resentments and embrace joy together this holiday season.

Don’t just be on your best behavior for the kids but actually love on one another.

Use the holidays as a time to reignite your relationship and become a new, bold, and confident man in your relationship for 2022 at The Men’s Relationship School.

• Learn simple strategies for the holidays to be cool & collected with your partner.
• Discover how not to trip up when she wants to break the bank this holiday season.
• Set yourself up to go into 2022 as a new assertive you in relationship.

For the next month, join The Men’s Relationship School for half price at $45 with the “checkitout” code.

Also included is a money-back, no-questions-asked refund if you’re not happy with the monthly program.

And another thing, did you know that statistically, divorce rates peak in January?

For those guys on the brink of divorce, a powerful small group of 4 men are learning to use divorce NOT as failure, NOT as self-destruction but as a HEALTHY & POWERFUL reconfiguration of their family and their selves.  Shoot me a quick email to learn more about this exclusive group.

And if you’re not ready for action and are still in the information-gathering stage, check out my free men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

Happy Holidays!

The post Husband’s Holiday Dread Syndrome appeared first on Stuart Motola.

In fact, it’s something you should’ve known way before you even got married.

It’s precisely because you don’t know this one thing that you may be in a marriage that drains you more than fulfills you.

And it can put you in a position where you feel like you’ve lost yourself with your wife and wonder…

Who I am with her? Do I want to continue as things are?

You might even feel like you can do nothing right for her. Or you have to walk on eggshells around her.

I remember years ago when I was in this position, thinking, what I wouldn’t give to get clarity on the future of my marriage. If I only knew then what I know now.

Regardless, what I learned is this one thing. A thing that is critical to know if you want to stay in your marriage or not.

Do you want to know the future of your relationship?

If clarity has been elusive, chances are you were overlooking this one thing.

And here’s a chance to finally figure it out.

But I’m not gonna BS you, it takes a little bit of work.

Are you willing to do some work to get clear on your marriage’s prospects?

Every day you feel this one thing with your partner – in your ability to speak openly and to feel trusted and safe.

But in its absence, you often feel attacked, not enough, or unable to make her happy.

So, here it is. And I’m going to follow it up with a critical question.
In a nutshell, it’s… how you’ve entangled your nervous system with that of your partner.

You see, your nervous system is constantly giving you signals about the current state of your marriage – if you’re ok, if you’re not, if you’re vulnerable to attack or safe to engage.

There’s a ton of information readily available within you. And you likely have a sense of it but it’s very rare that an individual knows the meaning of it or what it’s clearly telling them.

To get to that clarity, consider this one related question that gets straight to the core of what you’re feeling and what’s going on inside of you.

When I think of the future, 5, 10 years down the road, do I want to continue to be entangled in the nervous system of my partner or not?

To answer, it helps to pause and slow things down. Take a few breaths and get out of your head. Below the neck, I like to say. Feel the answer in your body.

That’s the no-bullshit zone where you’re not trying to argue your way out of information that scares you.

Give it a try right now. Close your eyes for five seconds. Ask yourself the question. See what your body says.

Can you try this for a moment?

For a lot of guys, it’s a hell no, I don’t want to stay entangled in her nervous system. She’s nervous, she’s anxious, she’s hysterical.

For many women, it’s he’s checked out, he’s withdrawn, I don’t know where the man is, I can’t relax or trust him.

But let’s be clear, this might just be where you are at this moment.

What if instead of just wanting to get the hell out of your marriage, you could pause, slow things down, and make peace with all your inner voices?

Because chances are if you’re reading this there’s another part of you that wants to make things work.

There’s a lot to consider. Your kids, mutual assets, the family. Self-judgments of being the jerk who blows up his family. The asshole who betrays his partner.

Let’s get real. It’s not just as simple as, do I want to stay connected to my partner or not?

But with the noise of all your other concerns, you rarely get to the “gut information” about your nervous system and what you’re choosing relationally.

In fact, often we won’t go there because we fear the answer.

And yet getting to that “gut truth” will help you know what you’re in the room with.

Why you struggle so much to move forward.

And how easy it is to stay stuck and frozen without clarity, for months, years, and even decades.

What if it wasn’t just about saving or leaving your relationship but about leaving who you’ve become in your relationship and becoming a better version of yourself to make the best decision possible?

And from there you’d be in a much stronger place to make this huge decision.

To get to the “gut truth” about the future of your relationship and what it’s really telling you, check out the video below.

Do you want to make the right decision about your marriage?

Regardless of whether you save or leave your relationship, you, your kids, and your wife deserve a better version of you. And it’s from there that you’ll make the right decision for you and your family moving forward.

Getting there is not rocket science but it can feel elusive. To get it right. To be present with fear instead of avoiding it. To step out of your comfort zone and into transformation with wise guidance.

If you’re ready to step into action and move past information, shoot me a quick email. Let’s explore what’s possible for you.

Remember, nobody can do the work for you but you can’t do it alone.

And if you’re not ready to consider the investment of 1:1 coaching, check out The Men’s Relationship School.

It’s a school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship. A group of guys taking action together as a team on their relationships one hour per week.

Check it out now and learn how to…

• GET CLARITY on the save or leave your relationship question.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS and be the best version of yourself.
• STOP BEING INVISIBLE with your partner and start going after what you want in your relationship.

And if you’re not ready for action and only want information, check out my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post Answer This One Question To Know If You Should Save Or Leave Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.