In this video, discover play by play how to finally get through to her.

The post What To Do When You Fear Your Relationship Is Over appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Move into action.

Remove the blocks that keep you from getting through to her.

Shoot me a quick email for a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful, honest conversation, keeping it real, to give you meaningful insights on how to create the relationship you want.

For the women out there, let’s talk as well.  That’s right, as a men’s coach, I help female partners better navigate with their male partners.

Guys, forward this link to your woman or check it out yourself.

Not ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform your relationship?

Check out the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly calls. Reply to join your first call for free.

The post How To Finally Get Through To Your Woman appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The post How Guys Screw Up With Their Partner appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The post Is My Wife Manipulating Me? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The post What A Sexually Empowered Man Does About His Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Typically at night, my wife will sit in bed, reading her book and I’m just thinking, how can I connect with her?

“Then I go to touch her, caress her arm. And then she’ll give me that look, like, are you kidding? Then it’s all bets off.

“This is infuriating because this has been going on for months. I feel trapped.”

Do you feel trapped in a sexless marriage?

For James, it was this.

“She needs to feel emotionally connected in order to feel physically connected. You work all the time, she says, then just expect sex from me.”

Maybe you can relate.

His wife needed to feel like he cared about her heart, her soul, her words. She needed his love.

James was mystified.

He gave his love in all kinds of ways.

He was very helpful around the household, doing the dishes after dinner, taking her out, working hard at his job to provide for their family.

He’d even sit and listen to her talk about her challenges with her mother.

Yet she was telling him she needed more in order to have sex with him.

Do you struggle to give your wife what she needs so that you can get what you want?

I see this is common with men who have been married for years. He can never meet the demands of his wife.

He feels like a dog who has to do a bunch of tricks in order to get fed.

Can you relate to having to do things right for your wife in order to get sex?

James inevitably began feeling lonely, unloved, and negative about the future prospect of his marriage.

To cope, he did like many guys do.

He used porn, he masturbated. He did whatever he needed to get his needs met.

No shame in that but it had limited payoffs.

How do you cope in your sexless marriage?

James wasn’t the guy to have an affair. He wants her, his wife, the woman he loves.

And yet his resentments were starting to build up. He didn’t feel hopeful about having sex with his wife on any regular frequency.

But things changed when James realized the hidden opportunity before him.

Check out the video below to discover the hidden opportunity in your sexless marriage.

The hidden opportunity for James was simply to start treating sex like a sacred act, instead of a transaction.

In our coaching, he learned what that meant for him and his wife. It focused on being relational with her, getting curious about her world, connecting with her in other ways emotionally in which she felt heard and seen.

What’s the hidden opportunity for you in your sexless marriage?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk to see what that is for you.

Life’s too short to settle for the status quo of a sexless marriage. You deserve better, brother.

The post The Hidden Opportunity In Your Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Commitment to one partner. That person you can rely on forever. Sounds beautiful upfront.

And yet, if you’ve been in a long-term marriage or relationship, it’s not that simple.

That one person is also the one who will trigger the sh*t out of you, causing you to feel trapped at times; in fact, that’s their job.

The sooner you learn that, the sooner you’ll stop arguing with reality and blaming her for your triggers.

Do you feel trapped in your marriage?

As you may know, a trigger will send you into your reptilian brain – fight, flight, freeze. The rational brain goes into a tailspin.

Common statements indicate a trigger’s been struck.

“She pushes my buttons like no one else.”

“She says things that send me off the deep end.”

“I just freeze up when she attacks me.”

More important than the trigger is how you respond to it.

Master your trigger responses and you’ll be free in your relationship.

Fumble your trigger responses (what most of us do) and your marriage will feel confining, confusing. At worst, you’ll feel trapped.

How do you respond when you’re triggered?

Most of us go one of two ways – avoidant or anxious.

As an avoidant, we try to not deal with things, distance our self, and take space to process things.

The avoidant is the distancer.

As an anxious, we believe only our partner can make us ok, even struggling when a text is not returned in a timely manner.

The anxious is the pursuer.

Every distancer needs a pursuer. And you guessed it, every pursuer needs a distancer.

Are you the pursuer or the distancer?

If you’re not sure, let’s talk.

If you’re in a pursuer or distancer dynamic, your marriage will start to feel very confining very fast.

This happens to most, if not all couples.

It’s a rare few couples who know how to navigate this anxious-avoidant attachment dynamic; they still experience ruptures but they know how to repair efficiently.

Each partner must see their patterns – as an anxious or avoidant.

What can you do as an anxious to improve your relationship?

In a nutshell, if you’re anxious and your partner is avoidant, you need to learn that they pull away to process things, to figure things out.

It’s not about them not loving you. It’s how they process.

Get that in your head!

It still hurts but knowing this will help.

You also need to self-regulate, tell yourself you’re ok, take deep breaths, and not make it your partner’s job to always make you ok.

What can you do as an avoidant to improve your relationship?

Conversely, if you’re avoidant (distant) and your partner is anxious (needy) – you need to not just check out and disappear on your partner, even if their behaviors feel smothering to you.

If you need space, honor that but always reschedule.

“I’ll be back in 10 minutes, 30 minutes, tonight. I’m here for you. I just need to get my head clear, so I don’t do or say something stupid.”

You need to lean in, even when it hurts. Note, I said lean in, turn towards, not overwhelm yourself.

Relationship – a trap or a path you can navigate?

While understanding avoidant and anxious is important, another key piece is the trap of monolithic monogamy, a term coined by author Esther Perel.

I also call it the tribe of two.

And let’s face it, two is not a tribe, but that’s how we live in marriage and relationship these days.

You may think you need to be everything, or almost everything to each other – lover, partner, best friend, co-parent, family logistic planners, financial partners, teacher, healer, soulmates, etc.

Are you trapped in a tribe of two?

Check out the video below to discover how to get out of the relationship trap.

Relationship is a lot of work. It will bring up your sh*t.

You have to be a warrior to get through it. A warrior of the heart.

Learn the skills to transform your relationship from a trap into a crucible of transformation into freedom and love.

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post Are You Feeling Trapped In Your Marriage? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again.

“I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s not true, I feel like my wife should want me”

Do you experience success at work and struggle at home?

Tim’s wife has shut down on him. He experiences distance from her. And a lack of trust.

“She says I’m not emotionally available to her. I work too much. “

“And can you relate to that?” I ask.

“Yes, but how does she expect us to have the nice lifestyle we have?”

I nod.

Are you abundant career-wise but impoverished in love?

So… you may be thinking, what a cliché. Poor rich guy can’t get sex from his wife. But Tim is a real guy suffering.

He’s trying to find answers to why his wife is shut down on him.

He hasn’t been intimate with her for months. His heart hurts.

Has your wife shut the door on you when it comes to sex?

Tim and I talk about how trust is a huge factor for a woman to open up sexually.

“She has to feel emotionally safe,” I say.

But there’s another factor that he has not taken into consideration.

And that’s that she’s his only source of emotional intimacy. That is, at least when she’s open to him. And she hasn’t been for years.

Is your wife the primary person you rely on for sharing your deeper thoughts and emotions?

If so, like Tim, that’s a problem. It leads to something Tim discovered, called enmeshment.

Too much enmeshment kills a couple’s sex life.

Do you want to have a better relationship and sex life with your partner?

If so, check out the video below to discover two HUGE tips to revive sex and passion in your relationship.

Life presents us with challenges. Will you step up?

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

Step up to the plate, grow, and give it your best shot. You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post 2 Tips To Revive Sex & Passion In A Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

So, to find out, I went to a therapist specializing in sex addiction.

After an hour, he said, “No, you’re not a sex addict. You’re just a regular dude with a healthy sex drive.”

I saw him, motivated by some questions. Questions you might be asking yourself.

Why is my sex drive so much higher than my wife’s?

Why do I want sex so much more than she does?

Why has she lost interest in sex with me?

And how is it possible for me to not take that personally?

As a guy, sex with my partner was an act of intimacy, of connection, of love making. Sex was a way of loving my wife.

It wasn’t just mechanical. I wasn’t a guy who was just going to go screw around outside of his marriage.

And when I looked at her world, I saw the way she was stressed about so many things – work, the house, our son.

I knew intellectually that stress kept her in a state of not feeling ok.

And I understood it impacted not just her general state of being but her sex drive as well.

I see this with so many men I coach and talk to.

Do you wonder why your wife doesn’t want sex with you?

Often, for us guys sex is a way of not only loving our partner, but also a way to release our stresses. I experienced this at a certain level.

I remember thinking how cruel God’s design was of men and women.

As men, we often use sex as a de-stresser. For women, they need to be stress-free to open up to sex. What a harsh joke.

So what do you do when your wife no longer wants to have sex?

Well, beyond not taking it personally, which can be super hard to do, but with some coaching very possible, you can start to look at how you exacerbate her stress and diminish her sexuality.

In the video below, I talk in depth about three things that can stress her out that have nothing to do with you and three ways guys typically respond that further compounds her stress.

Do you try to alleviate your wife’s stress to get her to open emotionally or sexually?

If so, you know that does not work. You’re treating her like an object or an obstacle, instead of a sensitive human being deserving of your love and strength.

Unconsciously, you’ve objectified her. And she knows it and likely resents you for it, furthering shutting her down sexually.

And I get it. I did that for years until I learned better.

Do you want to create a more sexually fulfilling marriage?

If so, shoot me a quick email to jump on a 15-minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can benefit you.

Or join me on the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for any man to get relationship support for only $47/month.

Join anytime. 1st call is free.

The post Why She No Longer Wants To Have Sex appeared first on Stuart Motola.

I hear men often say things like…

Sex is the last thing on my wife’s mind.

She’s physically shut down.

She’s just so busy.

I’m at the bottom of her list.

Hey man, I know this great massage parlor.

A lack of sex in his marriage is a big deal for a man. Over time, he internalizes the situation.

And what gets internalized is rejection. This happens explicitly in two ways.

Do you fear making things worse talking about sex with your wife?

The first way a man internalizes how he experiences a sexless marriage is by burying it, resigning it, trying to just get by with whatever he can get.

The second way is by struggling to voice it, doing nothing to make change, and staying in a cycle for months or years of a mindset of jeez, how can I continue like this?

Both ways are based on a man’s decision to avoid something, instead of going after what he wants. And this diminishes a man’s identity and self-esteem.

A man in a sexless marriage feels a loss of his sense of aliveness. Something is missing in his life.

When he’s resigned and not acting on the sexual challenges in his marriage, he’s avoiding more rejection. And it makes total sense.

Why expose yourself to the same old sexual rejection?

But in staying small and safe, he loses his ability to take charge of his marriage. To feel like he’s at least moving in the right direction to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with his wife.

And one way to create such a marriage is to look under the hood of resignation and what’s being avoided.

Avoidance is the story a man often buys into, a story a confident man rejects.

And that’s my job as a men’s coach. To help a man see what he cannot see with the mindset he’s currently in.

The problem is not just a sexless marriage. But how you keep yourself safe from taking the risk to change it.

The latter is your orientation, your self-talk about the state of your sexless marriage.

What is your self-talk about sex in your marriage?

Often, it’s… She’s just not open. This is a lost cause. Or I don’t know what to do.

All of these keep a man in a diminished state.

What would it be like to show up big to talk to your wife about sex in a way that…

… lowered the risk of rejection?

… was strong and vulnerable?

… melted her heart?

… moistened her insides?

In the video below, I do all of that, as if I was speaking to my actual partner about our sexless relationship. I tell her why sex is so important for me and what I really want when it comes to a fulfilling sexual relationship.

As I say in the video above, sex is not just a cock-release. Sex is connection. It is deep intimacy. And sex is the most powerful way to experience your union.

And let’s get clear, this is not a sales job on her. This is a guide on how to authentically communicate what sex is for you. How to express desire and love.

This is not the job of a man who is willing to take risks in order to create the marriage he wants.

It’s time to get out the elephant in the room. Would you agree?

And let’s get real. It won’t happen in a one-and-done kind of deal. Anyone peddling that kind of stuff is full of BS.

Creating a sexually fulfilling marriage takes courage and a willingness for a man to claim his own desires and own what he wants in connection with his wife.

Are you that man ready to do, with help, what may have seemed impossible prior?

I believe you are. Or else you wouldn’t be reading this.

Life is short. You deserve more than just to be another thing on your wife’s list. And she deserves all of you as well.

Creating a sexually fulfilling marriage does not happen by information alone but by action, by getting in the room with the things you fear.

And as much as we guys like to go it alone, this is not a solo job. Alone does not get the job done. Alone, it’s too easy to bow out when things get hard.

As your coach, I won’t let that happen. I will keep you on track to create the marriage you dream of and to know if it’s even possible with your current wife.

Action is the only way to get out of living the rest of your life resigned to a sexless marriage.

Let’s talk for 45 minutes. A guaranteed, powerful conversation about what it will take to make the impossible possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

And when we talk, there’s no sales job, just an honest conversation between two men being kind and real.

I’d be honored to hear from you because I know that even the first small step of an email is a huge act of courage.

If that’s too big of a step for you, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

And lastly, if you´re currently going through a divorce, reply to get the support you need during a hard time.

The post What A Confident Man Tells His Wife About Their Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.