The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body.

You want to have more sex than your wife.

Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex.

It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a man, for crying out loud. You have needs.

You feel most loved, admired, and respected when your partner is open to you sexually.

When that door shuts, it’s as if you’re left stranded on a desert island without food or water. You feel starved.

At worst, it can cause you to feel desperate, in pain, and even lose hope in your relationship.

True or false? You feel most connected emotionally with your partner when you feel connected sexually.

And yet you can be shamed for this. You hear things from her (or as a client recently told me, from his female therapist) like…

“All you care about is sex.”

“You’re a cliché man.”

“I’m not your sexual object.”

Do you want more sex than your wife?

In today’s culture, it’s easy for you to feel shamed for your desires.

Hell, you might even be saying to yourself, I’m a good guy. It’s not like I’m hiring a prostitute or having an affair. It’s my wife, for cryin’ out loud.

(And no shame on those guys who are having affairs or hiring prostitutes. I’m not in the moral judgment business but in the business of understanding unmet human needs and how to bring them back into integrity.)

It can feel like a life sentence when you want more sex than your wife.

I know. I lived it for many years in my marriage.

Sometimes I thought it was god’s cruel joke that she needed to connect emotionally before becoming sexual, all the while it was the opposite for me.

Do you struggle with the emotional-sexual divide in your marriage?

It can feel like a bit of a cluster fuck. You want to figure it out.

And in the process of trying to do so, you feel damned if you act on it and damned if you don’t.

Of course, the internet has all kinds of tips – talk to her about it, get it out in the open, make her feel loved, and on and on.

And yet in trying to implement, it’s easy to face plant and get even more frustrated.

How have you attempted to solve your sexual challenges?

Most guys try one of the four below.

A. Attempt to do everything to make her happy and score points so she’ll open up to you sexually.
(That was my strategy)

B. Ignore it and make the best of it.

C. Use porn and live in fantasies.

D. Get attention at a massage parlor or strip club.

How do you deal with wanting more sex than your wife?

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The lack of sexual fulfillment is on the top level, a symptom.

Underneath are a bunch of other problems.

And to be candid, these may very well be problems in your marriage that you may not want to deal with.

Frankly, it might feel like too much work. And if that’s so, that’s great information.

It helps you get clear on where you want to put your energy, and what your higher priorities are.

You get to decide how you want to do you.

But if you effectively deal with those deeper problems, you’re in a much greater position to create the sexually fulfilling marriage that you seek.

Do you like your sex life as it is or do you want to create something better?

Check out the video below to work on the deeper problems stopping you from creating the sexually fulfilling marriage you seek.

Sex is primal. And at the same time, after years of marriage, we can lose access to that primal energy.

Sex can become mundane.

When there’s no aliveness in you and your life, it makes perfect sense that you’ll experience deadness in the bedroom.

Without curiosity and variety, things flatline in relationship.

An unfulfilled sexual life is just a symptom of where you’ve flatlined with your partner.

Are you ready to bring more aliveness to your marriage and bedroom?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage or just know who the hell I am to consider coaching, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post I Want More Sex Than My Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again.

“I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s not true, I feel like my wife should want me”

Do you experience success at work and struggle at home?

Tim’s wife has shut down on him. He experiences distance from her. And a lack of trust.

“She says I’m not emotionally available to her. I work too much. “

“And can you relate to that?” I ask.

“Yes, but how does she expect us to have the nice lifestyle we have?”

I nod.

Are you abundant career-wise but impoverished in love?

So… you may be thinking, what a cliché. Poor rich guy can’t get sex from his wife. But Tim is a real guy suffering.

He’s trying to find answers to why his wife is shut down on him.

He hasn’t been intimate with her for months. His heart hurts.

Has your wife shut the door on you when it comes to sex?

Tim and I talk about how trust is a huge factor for a woman to open up sexually.

“She has to feel emotionally safe,” I say.

But there’s another factor that he has not taken into consideration.

And that’s that she’s his only source of emotional intimacy. That is, at least when she’s open to him. And she hasn’t been for years.

Is your wife the primary person you rely on for sharing your deeper thoughts and emotions?

If so, like Tim, that’s a problem. It leads to something Tim discovered, called enmeshment.

Too much enmeshment kills a couple’s sex life.

Do you want to have a better relationship and sex life with your partner?

If so, check out the video below to discover two HUGE tips to revive sex and passion in your relationship.

Life presents us with challenges. Will you step up?

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

Step up to the plate, grow, and give it your best shot. You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post 2 Tips To Revive Sex & Passion In A Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Sometimes, you even feel like you’re at the mercy of it. You want it now.

But you know you can’t demand it.

You know that demanding will just make it more likely that you won’t get it.

Besides, she’s an autonomous independent being.

What is it?

Sex. Of course.

It’s a big deal for us guys.

It’s often the most direct way that we feel love from our wife or partner.

Without sex, things just don’t feel right in the marriage or relationship.

It often feels as if… you are not right. You feel rejection.

A sense of her not being willing to receive you literally, physically, and, of course, emotionally.

Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship?

If so, I have an invitation for you.

To go deeper. To go to what you already know. A painful knowing which takes courage to confront.

The knowing that she’s shut down on you sexually.

And to be willing to learn the deeper causes of why she’s shut down on you.

And to know that it’s a manifestation of how she’s closed on a deeper level, emotionally.

You may have heard the expression, the key to her heart is…”___”

Fill in the blank. Trust, respect, love, emotion, safety….

What about the key to her vagina?

Well, you may have guessed it.

The key to her vagina is her heart.

There are actual nerves that connect her heart and vagina.

So how did her heart shut down on you?

Watch the video below to discover the 3 R’s – resentment, reclusion, and repair – that are key to understanding the deeper root causes of a sexless marriage and what to do about it.

Her heart shut down at some point in your relationship because she felt unsafe talking to you about things.

It could’ve been an incident that happened many years ago.

It could be something you did several weeks ago that reinforced an old story she tells herself.

A story that she’s not safe with you.

These are all deeper root causes of a sexless marriage. It does not just happen overnight.

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

I applaud you for your courage. For your commitment to give it your best shot.

You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post The Deeper Root Causes Of A Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The desire takes you over. It’s bigger and stronger than you.

And when you’re in the vortex of desire, you may not know you’re in it.

A client recently said this regarding his experience of desiring sex with his wife.

Do you experience sex-hunger with your wife?

When we look deeper into the source of this hunger or desire, we notice it’s not just about sex but something else.

As a coach, my job is to help you get to the root of your challenges.

Over the years coaching men in challenged relationships, I’ve seen a deeper element underneath a man’s sex-hunger.

What if you could get to the root of your sexual desire?

It would be a game-changer. And it would take a lot of stress off you and your wife.

First, answer a simple question.

What is sex really about for you – connection, intimacy, release?

I will venture to say it’s all those things and even more.

In the video below, I speak to something else: one big thing about what sex really is for a married man.

Knowing this will offer you more freedom in your relationship and help you feel less trapped if you’re in a sexually challenged relationship.

OK, I hate to be the guy who holds back information from you. The headline I speak to in the video above is about validation.

Validation is synonymous with knowing you are loved, being seen, and not feeling so alone with your wife or partner.

For instance, when a client of mine discovered this through our work together, it was a game-changer for him.

It dramatically enhanced his relationship with his wife, because it helped him see how he was sabotaging sex with his wife, and opened him up to love her more freely.

If you want those things, let’s talk.

Or join me for the next Confident Man’s Path To Relationship online training starting September 19 on Tuesdays from 7:30-9pm ET for a mere $395. Enroll soon. Training is limited to 8 men.

Check out the topics we’ll cover in this 6-week training.

• Week 1 – Ground Zero Of Your Relationship
• Week 2 – What She Does That Pisses You Off
• Week 3 – Essential Parts Of Yourself That You Suppress To Stay In Relationship
• Week 4 – How To Not Lose It With Her (Or Emotionally Check Out)
• Week 5 – Strengthen Your Confidence With Your Partner
• Week 6 – Ask For What You Want Without Stepping On A Landmine

Not a group guy?

Shoot me a quick email to discuss how to be in your A game with your partner.

I’d be honored to hear from you.

The post What Sex Is About For A Married Man appeared first on Stuart Motola.

I thought about it for a moment, realizing that what seemed obvious to me wasn’t to him.

“In 15 years of coaching men in relationship, so many are feeling deprived of touch and physical intimacy in their marriages. And… that was once my story, so I relate.”

“Ok, that makes sense,” Jeff said. “As you know, I can also relate.”

“But what’s the key to getting more sex?” he said.

“Trust and the lack of it.”

“Is that it?” Jeff said, looking at me suspiciously. “It can’t be that simple.”

“Of course, there’s more. We can talk about lack of connection, busyness of life, and lack of intentional time together.

“But if a man is not trustworthy, in terms of being clear in who he is, his knowledge of his own emotions, and his sense of mission in his relationship, his wife won’t trust him.”

“Hmmm… I can see that with my wife,” Jeff hummed, pondering what I’d said.

“First,” I said, “goes trust, then sex. Again, I’m talking about marriage and long-term relationship. In time, she starts thinking…

“How can I trust him with my emotions if he doesn’t know his own? She thinks.

“Typically, women need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy physical intimacy.

“If her heart closes, her legs follow.”

“Trust equals sex,” Jeff said.

“Trust, safety, holding a container of the relationship.”

“Container of the relationship? Say more,” Jeff said.

“You’re clear with your boundaries, not being dominant but direct and relational. Inviting your wife in, in a way that makes her feel safe.

“Creating a space between so that she can feel loving, connected, open, and yes, sexual.”

“So not simple, after all,” Jeff said.

“Simple as in straightforward. But plenty of unlearning and re-learning for most guys. It will take you some work.”

“Ugghhh… more work,” Jeff sighed. “And what exactly is that work?”

“Check out this video where I speak to the work, specifically how boundaries and healthy masculinity can enhance your sex life.”

A clear “no” to tolerating a sexless marriage is a clear “yes” to initiating a sexually-fulfilling relationship. That’s clarity. That is a boundary. That’s what I speak to in the video below.

What if you could learn how to use boundaries and healthy masculinity to improve your relationship and sex life in 6 weeks?

Check out the Men’s Relationship Tools program to get solid relationship support with a like-minded tribe of brothers.

Or, if you’re not a group guy, leverage my 15 years of coaching men in relationship.

Initiate a guaranteed powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand in your relationship.

An honest real, no B.S. talk between two guys. No sales pitch. That’s not my style. I’d be honored to hear from you.

The post How Healthy Masculinity Can Get You More Sex From Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

You met your wife x number of years ago. At first, it was great. Sweet connection. Wonderful sex. The urge to merge. You got engaged and then married.

And then you had a family and things changed over time. You were no longer each other’s priority. Kids came. Life took over. You’re not sure when or how it all happened exactly.

But in the aftermath, passion, desire, freedom were lost. The thrill was gone.

What happened to the passion and desire in your marriage?

For many guys, this is a common story. Responsibility and holding down the fort superseded everything else.

In hindsight, some guys say marriage feels like a con job. Or at the very least, a false promise that didn’t deliver.

In fact, it delivered the opposite – unhappiness. And an inability to get back to that loving feeling.

What happened to your relationship with your wife?

Somehow, somewhere along the path, just to survive, it’s likely that like a lot of couples, you both started going it alone.

She took care of the stuff she needed to. You had your domain. And you were like two ships passing in the night.

One day, you wake up. And you asked yourself, who is this person I’m married to?

You went from deep intimacy to significant alienation.

Remember when you felt like you could take on the world together?

In that togetherness, was a sense of passion, excitement, and freedom.

If we knew way back when that marriage would be so tough, would we still have done it?

I imagine, yes, we would. I would have. Back then, I was young and idealistic. I felt like I could take on the world.

What would it be like if you and your wife felt like you could take on the world again?

Marriage, as you may know, is often the antithesis of what we originally got from our relationship.

Marriage is about safety and security. It’s about knowing you’ll be there for her forever. And she’ll be there for you forever.

Often, in marriage, we trade passion and freedom for safety and security. And often, in doing so, we build a trap for ourselves.

And then the woman you dreamed about, the woman you married, faded into a distant past.

For a lot of guys, that’s ok. They just want peace. Things to be fluid. Not so much conflict.

And for other guys, they trade peace for passion through affairs, the strip club, porn, whatever can give them that loving feeling again.

Do you feel dead in your marriage?

Is passion even on your radar with your wife?

Maybe you go to a strip club, use a lot of porn, or are having an affair. Some of the men I coach have this going on. And I have no judgment of their behavior.

I get it. It’s just an attempt to meet unmet needs. Needs that they’re resigned to not getting met in their marriage.

And while men can get vilified for these behaviors, ultimately they’re good guys. Many carry the weight of betrayal.

They know that they are not making good decisions long term. In the end, he wants to keep his family together and also wants to get his needs met.

What if you could get your needs met with your wife as if she were your mistress?

Yeah right, man. Not possible, you might say.

Consider this next sentence. “The amount of passion in a relationship is commensurate with the amount of uncertainty you can tolerate.” Coach and author Tony Robbins said this.

This means taking on uncertainty in your relationship that you’d otherwise avoid. Asking hard questions. Having vulnerable conversations.

Are you up for that?

Are you willing to have hard conversations with your wife to ignite what was lost?

If so, know you can’t do it alone. Check out the video below to help you ask yourself a key question to get started.

Below, I speak further to that question.

It’s a question that relates to something I talk about often. And that is the unlived life of the couple.

When a man and woman become invisible to each other, when they decide at a certain point, it’s easier to just go it alone.

And in the pursuit of safety and security, a man and a woman go about it alone. They live their lives separately, still married. But not as a team unit.

The question I like to ask is simply this.

Where is the “us” in our relationship? Is there any sense of a unified team?

If not, marriage is very lonely. Your needs, which often we guys don’t even acknowledge exist, get unmet.

And in the vacuum of unmet needs build resentments.

“She’s this. She’s that. She never….” Fill in the blanks for your situation.

When you dig a little deeper, beyond your resentments, you will see unmet needs.

What are your unmet needs with your wife?

And how do you kill the passion in your marriage by not addressing those needs, not taking risks or uncertainty?

Do you choose safety over being authentic?

Take on the risks and you stand a much better chance of rebuilding your sense of a unified team in your marriage.

I remember when my wife and I felt unified, we felt like we could take on the world. We felt energized. We felt excited about us.

Do you feel an excited sense of “us” in your marriage?

If not, I won’t b.s. you. It’s work. But it’s not rocket science.

And when you’re willing to put in the work, just like going to the gym, you can build the muscles to create a kick-ass relationship.

What would it look like for you to create a kick-ass marriage that had passion and freedom?

To discover, check out the resources in the video above or take the first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your marriage. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

And for the many women reading these emails (yes, 50% of you), check out this special link just for you women.

And for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 but still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly zoom calls, formerly known as The Men’s Relationship School.

The new name better reflects what I’m up to, which is a place for men to get concrete tools to create the marriage they seek.

Reply “MRT Yes” to join your first call for free.

The post Reignite Passion & Freedom In Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“She hasn’t touched me in weeks. She never initiates sex.”

“It’s like she doesn’t want me anymore. I feel hopeless.”

“I want it and I want it now. I’m sick of this shit.”

Are you frustrated with your sex life?

I have a lot of empathy for men experiencing sexual challenges.

After weeks, months, or even years without touch, intimacy, or sex, it’s easy for a guy to feel helpless, needy, or even desperate.

Let’s face it, we are mammals. We need closeness. We need touch.

“Yeah, right,” I can hear one of those men saying, “tell that to my wife.”

What should you do to experience more intimacy with your wife?

First, consider what most guys do. It’s something that diminishes intimacy. It is the big C word that separates our heart from our penis.

Compartmentalizing.

In one moment, we cut her down with a sarcastic comment about her weight or physical appearance. And then hours later, we expect her to be intimate with us.

Or we walk on eggshells, trying to score points with her in hopes of getting intimacy. But she sees through that inauthentic behavior.

“How can I get her to open up?” one of the men asks me.

“What can I do differently?” says another.

“How do I get more sex?”

Each man treats his wife like a problem to be fixed. He goes transactional.

He thinks something like… If I help her with the house, maybe she’ll give me more sex. If I do A, then maybe I’ll get B.

We stay focused on the sex and lose focus on her, the person. We separate kindness, trust, and respect from the physical act of sex.

If she feels insulted, unloved, unseen and uncherished, she won’t want to have sex with you.

How can you cherish her when she feels uncherishable?

Stop compartmentalizing and instead, start connecting.

See her, the whole person. Listen to her, feel her, understand her. And do it without any expectation of reciprocation for sex.

Forget about your sex problem. What you’re experiencing is an intimacy problem.

Focus on experiencing more closeness with her – more meaningful conversations, heart to hearts, touch, kiss her before you leave for work, hug her when you come home.

“But that’s too much work. I just want sex,” a guy says.

Man, I hear you. I get it. I had that mindset for years in a sexless marriage. It’s compartmentalizing.

I wrote about it in my Amazon best-selling book “Fixing You Is Killing Me.”

At the time, I missed what most men miss.

She’s a woman. She’s much less likely to compartmentalize the way you do. She does not see sex as a mere transaction.

To feel sexual, she has to be loved, seen, heard, felt. Or else she does not open sexually.

Do you create intentional time to connect emotionally with your wife?

Do you treat her like a whole person?

Are you open to her needs?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, watch the video below to learn how to connect with your wife to enhance your sex life.

As I say in the video, sex in a marriage is a long game. It requires the willingness to do some work.

The state of your sex life is a reflection of how close your wife feels to you.

Separating the physical from the emotional is easy for us guys.

To align the two is new terrain. Something required of us men only in the last 30 or so years.

Something we must work on, if we are to experience a sexually fulfilling relationship.

Remember, you are not at the mercy of your wife when it comes to sex. You are at the mercy of yourself.

The authenticity of your intentions. The courage of your efforts. The willingness to show up emotionally.

Are you ready to transform your sex life with your wife?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. Men or women who want to learn more about men (that’s right, I am coaching women now as well).

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for a 1:1 chat and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship School.

The post Have More Sex With Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

If so, then you may understand like my client Mauricio did, that in relationship, the saying applies doubly so.

Mauricio would get into an argument with his wife and then for hours afterward, he would beat himself up.

He’d spiral into fear about how his wife would deprive him of intimacy and how he’d be in the doghouse with her for the next month.

Do you fear being in the doghouse with your wife after a fight?

Maybe you berate yourself, like Mauricio did, saying to yourself, “I should’ve done this, or I could’ve said that.”

It’s hard enough to deal with conflict in your relationship. But even worse if you top it off with a mountain of self-blame.

A lot of guys are tough on themselves these days when it comes to their relationship.

They want to be a good guy, a better man than their father was to their mom. They want to be able to meet the emotional needs of their woman.

There’s a lot of pressure on us guys to show up in relationship that was never expected of us prior to now – emotionally, psychologically, and mentally.

Mauricio felt it big time. And as a result, he created a lot of suffering for himself.

Do you feel able to meet your wife’s emotional needs?

Let’s face it, we men are on a massive evolution curve because most of us were raised by fathers who did not have to meet such high standards in relationship.

With pressure to be more for her, for most men, comes more suffering.

“I can’t ever be enough for her,” Mauricio said to me.

Nodding, I said, “I get it. But more importantly, can you be enough for you?”

He looked at me, mystified that I could invite him to be so selfish.

“You’ll never be enough for her,” I said. “Especially when you’re not enough for yourself.”

“Huh,” he said. That was his way of saying, I didn’t know that was possible, and I like where you’re going, Stuart.

How would you feel if it wasn’t your job to meet your wife’s standards of who you are?

I’ll tell you how you’d feel. You’d feel liberated. You’d feel free of her emotional burdens.

And ironically that would put you, as it did for Mauricio, in a position to be a better relational partner.

Imagine a you with more emotional capacity, fewer burdens of hers to carry, and more confidence to be clear about what’s yours emotionally and what’s hers.

For Mauricio, these were key to his reducing the self-imposed suffering that he’d been cycling in for years.

A form of self-judgment that told him he was a bad man who failed his wife.

“I don’t have to be everything for her and nothing for myself,” Mauricio said with a smile on his face.

What if you could stop betraying yourself for your wife?

When a man beats himself up for what he didn’t do right in an interaction with his partner, he betrays himself. He creates a lot of suffering that he could avoid.

Once he realizes this, he can diminish the pain of sadness or anger that is often inevitable in conflict with his partner.

Do you want to reduce pain and eliminate suffering in your relationship?

If so, there’s an important distinction that will help you reduce the pain and eliminate the suffering you experience in your relationship.

That distinction starts with knowing the difference between pain, which is just a part of life, and suffering, which is self-inflicted and comes from not knowing better.

Check out two key tips that helped Mauricio get out of the doghouse to save his marriage in the video below.

Do you self-inflict suffering in your marriage?

Let’s put an end to that. You don’t need to exacerbate already difficult situations.

Imagine if you could navigate challenges with your wife or partner, sit in the fire of a hard interaction, and come out with calm, coolness, confidence, and yes, even more trust.

You can do right by her without beating yourself up about what you did wrong. Self-assessment doesn’t need to be self-crucifixion.

Get on track to becoming a powerful relational partner, to meet your needs and your partner’s.

Are you ready to reduce pain and eliminate suffering in your relationship?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on saving your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, manhood, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

The post Reduce Pain And Eliminate Suffering In Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“You don’t consider me.”

“You never remember to ________.” (fill it in)

“You’re always on your phone.”

Has that ever happened to you?

How do you respond? Or do you react?

Do you want to learn a samurai trick to bring her closer to you?

Learn how to use her complaints as an opportunity to get sex, love, trust, connection, and even have fun.

What other opportunities are you missing with your partner?

Nobody can find out for you, but you can’t discover it alone. It’s impossible to see your own blind spots. That was true for me as well.

We are more powerful with allies and guides than we are alone.

Come join a powerful group of allies at The Men’s Relationship School and…

• Learn simple strategies to come alive in yourself & relationship.
• Discover how to stay the course & recover when you trip up. (Inevitably, you will; we all do.)
• And finally become you again – the real, authentic confident you, not hiding, not wearing a mask.

For 2022, I have reduced the cost of The Men’s Relationship School by 50%. That’s 3 to 4 live group calls with me every month. Check it out with a money-back, no-questions-asked guarantee.

If you’re not a group guy, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Send me a quick email.

And lastly, if you´re on the brink of divorce, email me at info@stuartmotola.com to learn how to divorce lovingly and wisely, for the well-being of your kids & your own mental and emotional health.

The post Guys, Her Complaints Are Your Opportunities appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“I try to go near her and she pulls away. What the hell? This is insane.”

“This is my wife, the woman I committed to being monogamous with, and yet she won´t even let me touch her.”

Do you struggle when it comes to intimacy with your wife?

A lot of married guys do. In response, they do what any guy would do.

Try to make the best of a shitty situation. Withdraw to avoid even further rejection.

It can feel like a wise strategy in the short term to stay safe, but long term it doesn´t get you what you want – love, sex, & connection with your partner – and only keeps you feeling more and more trapped as the days pass.

Some guys like Bob want to break out of the trap. They think, I’m supposed to be faithful to her. But she’s not even open to physical intimacy. How’s that gonna work?

To his credit, Bob was asking questions. Many guys don´t. Instead, they resign themselves to what is, not even knowing they’re acclimating to a smaller version of themselves. They just feel lost and alone.

Do you feel lost and alone in your relationship?

Another kind of guy develops a covert disdain for his partner. She’s just a downer to him. In his head, he’s bitching and complaining a lot. But he can’t let that out in words.

So to cope, he stuffs down his resentments and commits to other things like work, his kids, any short-term pleasures he can seek out.

Maybe he´ll get lucky in love now and then. But that´s out of his hands. He too feels lost and alone.

What if instead, you could become more desirable to your partner?

Desirable and sexy like a romantic lead on the big screen. Consider the debonair Brad Pitt character or the suave George Clooney. Yeah, I know it’s the movies, but hear me out.

They have this one thing that’s super sexy to their partner. A steadiness. A calmness. An ability to not be shaken by erratic behaviors.

Of course, in the movies, it’s just there, just how they’re made as men.

But for us real guys in regular life, it’s elusive. Being attractive & desirable. Calm & steady in the face of relationship challenges. And we often flounder.

That’s because we forget this one big thing that we need. It’s in the room with us when we get disconnected from our partner. It´s there when we’re dominated by our fear of being rejected sexually.

What is the one big thing you need to become more sexy to your wife?

To admit it upfront can feel anything but sexy. In fact, it can often have us feeling like wimps, which is why we often won’t speak it or even acknowledge that it’s an issue.

But the irony is once we take responsibility for this one thing, get it out in the open, and just take action on it, we lose all fears of being a wimp.

And that´s when we are liberated to go after what we want, like a fearless bad-ass.

So what the hell is this one thing already?

Ok, it may underwhelm you. You may be like, duh, no kidding, man. But while it’s one thing to know it, it´s quite another thing to act on it. So consider this.

When you’re rejected physically, not engaged sexually, when you’re criticized or your partner cuts off connection with you or even withholds sex, is it not true that you can feel vulnerable, unsafe, and even unworthy of being loved?

If so, then do this. Take responsibility for that one big thing. And that one thing is… drumroll please, yep, it´s not super sexy but it´s the key to being sexy… SAFETY.

Take charge of your safety, physically, emotionally, psychologically. Don´t just hand that over to her.

When you can make yourself ok, safe, enough, you suddenly become super sexy to your partner.

And when you don´t do that, you seek out false safety. You avoid conflict. You stuff down your needs. You acclimate to a sexless marriage. All of this we mistake for real safety.

Do you feel safe when your partner rejects you?

A false safety lets you off the hook to go after what you really want in your relationship. A false safety diminishes a man´s fear of things blowing up on him. A false safety keeps him living small.

Real safety is to know that you’re going to be OK regardless of what happens in your relationship.

Real safety is you being a bold & confident version of you.

Real safety is you asking for what you want from your partner unapologetically.

And that’s sexy as hell to your partner.

So how can you be a more sexy & confident version of yourself without stepping on a landmine?

That’s what Bob wanted. Check out how he did it in the video below.

The best way to become sexy to your wife is to be fiercely you. Unapologetically, kindly, and yes, wisely.

Being YOU means you don’t pivot on her. You pivot on you. You get clear on who you are. And that starts with knowing your wants and needs. And then getting smart about how you go after them.

You don’t whine. You don’t complain. And you don’t let fear get the best of you.

You make friends with fear. You let it instruct you and guide you.

Be it the fear of losing your wife. The fear of your marriage blowing up. Fear of being a failure. The fear of not being enough for her.

All those have great teachings for you. They´re about you, not her. And that’s how you get into the driver´s seat of your marriage. You take responsibility for your part.

And at the end of the day, fear has one message for you – take responsibility for your own safety.

And when you acknowledge that, as Bob did, you become attractive to your wife again.

Do you want to relax in your marriage and enjoy more intimacy with your wife?

Do as Bob did. A first simple step. Shoot me a quick email for a conversation guaranteed to get you a major “AHA” so you can relax in your marriage and enjoy your wife.

And if you’re not ready to chat one on one, check out The Men´s Relationship School.

I know I´ve been beating this one like a dead horse but I´m super excited about what we´re up to.

The Men’s Relationship School IS FOR the guy who wants to…
…be a bold & confident man in relationship.
…step into action to create a clear way forward in his relationship.

It is NOT for the guy who wants to…
…spend his days trying to make his partner happy at the expense of his own well-being.
…stay stuck & falsely safe in information, free internet content, and YouTube videos.

In The Men’s Relationship School you’ll…

• Discover simple & clear strategies to be a BOLD & CONFIDENT MAN with your partner.
• Get personalized advice on where you’re tripping up with your partner, so instead, you can WALK FORWARD WITH CLARITY & VISION.
• Get inspired to PURSUE WHAT YOU WANT in your relationship in new ways you’ve never thought of before.

And if you are still just in the information stage, check out my free men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post How To Become Sexy To Your Wife Again appeared first on Stuart Motola.