“I don’t spend enough time with the kids.

“She doesn’t feel like I’m on her team.

“It’s endless. Sometimes I wonder why she even stays married to me,” Jack says.

Does your wife complain about you?

“Why does she stay married to you? Have you asked her?” I say.

Jack takes a deep breath. He shakes his head.

“It’s a bit embarrassing to say,” he says.

“Trust me, I’ve heard just about everything,” I reply.

“Because…” he says. “… of the kids.”

“And you take that personally?”

“Of course I do. I’m just a shelf item in her world. A slot holder for her to keep our family together.”

Do you feel like a pawn in your partner’s world?

“Jack,” I say. “I want to tell you something. It’s something most of us miss when we are feeling victimized. You have a choice.”

“Say more,” he says.

“You can either be in ‘poor me’ land or you can start to see your wife’s complaints about the dishes and time with your kids as feedback.”

“Ok,” Jack says.

I have his full attention.

I tell Jack how in her complaints, his wife has given him the operating manual on how to be in a happy marriage with her.

Do you want the operating manual on your partner for a fulfilling marriage?

If so, discover how to transform her complaints into your marching orders for a happy marriage, in the video below.

“Jack,” I say. “This doesn’t just mean roll over and do whatever she asks of you. That would be inauthentic.”

He nods.

“What it means instead is to get clear on what she wants. Get curious, get more information from your wife, and ask questions.

“Can you tell me why dishes in the sink bother you so much?

“How much time would you like to see me spending with the kids each week?

“Have a strong spine and don’t just fold at her complaints.

“She’s counting on you to be strong in the face of her complaints. And yes, even if it’s been going on for 10 years.

“This is your chance, Jack. To step up and change things for the better.”

Over the course of several conversations with me for the next 2 months, Jack steps up.

He develops a strong spine with his wife’s complaints and tunes into her feedback. And what do you know, her complaints diminish.

Do you want to diminish your wife’s complaints?

Change happened for Jack because he stayed in action. He didn’t just say, I understand, and that’s enough.

Instead, he showed up and kept showing up. To confront his old unconscious destructive “poor me” behavioral patterns.

He noticed when he was going down the self-pity hole and instead, called forth a stronger and more capable version of himself.

I always say to a client, it’s not just on me to create the change you seek in your relationship. It’s a 200% arrangement. My 100% and yours. That’s how change happens.

Are you ready to show up fully to transform your wife’s complaints into a happy and fulfilling marriage?

If so, let’s have a quick chat.

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools. Reply “MRS Yes” to try it out and join your first call for free.

The post How To Deal With Her Complaints appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Why don’t you take me seriously?”

“You don’t listen.”

Does your wife say any of these things to you?

It’s not uncommon for a guy to hear something similar from his wife. And there’s a good reason why.

As men, we often struggle to keep up with our partner’s words. We feel like she’s verbose and talking circles around us.

“She uses a thousand words when a simple and concise articulation would suffice,” my client Robert, an investment advisor, said to me recently.

Over 15 years of coaching married men, I’ve seen it time and again that guys feel their head spinning trying to keep up their wives’ words.

Part of that is that the neurochemical makeup of the male brain versus the female brain, which gives her an advantage when it comes to verbal communication.

Do you struggle to keep up with your wife’s words?

Neurological research posits that the male brain is wired in a different way than the female brain.

This is from the article Male and Female Brains: Are they wired differently?

“Women are better at attention, word memory and social cognition, and verbal abilities.

“Men are better at spatial processing and sensorimotor speed.”

In a nutshell, the female brain is more expansive and adept with words.

Often this can be used against men, especially in the media, labeling us as dummies.

And yet, that might be true for the dude who doesn’t try to use his words or listen well.

But if you’re reading this, you’re not that guy.

Chances are you’re a regular guy like me who is intelligent and still struggles to keep up with her words.

You give it your best shot. You listen well. And still it’s not enough for her.

It’s enough to keep a guy lost and confused.

Does she tell you that you don’t listen?

A lot of times we are listening and we’re just trying to find a way to help her get past whatever she’s talking about.

We’re essentially trying to fix her, so things can be ok, to limit the verbal assault, so that she can chill out.

It’s a way of trying to access the crux of her words to keep the peace.

You may have seen this parody of a guy trying to not fix his female partner in the nail in the head video.

Do you try to fix your wife?

Even if you said no, and thought that yes, you really try to hear her out, sometimes it still might not be enough for her.

In the video below, check out how my client Robert stood strong, and you can too, after he was dismissed by his wife for not listening…even though he was.

Are you struggling with a verbose partner?

Do you struggle to keep up with her words?

Do you get beat up for it?

If you answered yes, let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out the Men’s Relationship Tools for free.

It’s a great way to see what coaching can offer you.

The post She Says I Don’t Listen appeared first on Stuart Motola.

You work hard in your career. You try to be good to your kids.

But over time, you and your wife drift apart. And in time, you lose her. You essentially become roommates.

Do you feel like roommates with your wife?

No man means for this to happen. But like a garden untended to, connection with your wife withers over the years.

With the demands of parenting, work, and daily functioning, a man’s marriage easily falls through the cracks.

And often he knows it’s happening, but he keeps his head up and hopes for the best. Maybe he goes to therapy or couples counseling but often with little success.

Have you fixed your marriage through counseling?

And then, a pattern of getting through the days emerges. Coping mechanisms develop.

Be it pot, porn, alcohol, workaholism, or self-imposed mental scripts that say… “Suck it up, man. She’s busy. Don’t be such a wimp.”

Like many married men I’ve worked with over the last 15 years, maybe you feel like your wife’s last priority, behind the kids, her job, and the house.

You go from being a king to a peripheral prince. Your wife attaches to the kids and no longer needs you the way she once did.

But unlike her, you want more – more connection, more sex, more intimacy.

And if you really go there, it breaks your heart. It’s almost intolerable.

Marriage was supposed to be happily ever after. Or so you thought way back then. But it rarely turns out that way.

Do you feel like you’ve lost your wife?

In the space of losing your wife, she starts getting emotional and even inconsistent. It seems as if she’s under a spell of emotions at times.

You want to know what you did wrong, what you could do better. You’re a good guy. You want to make things right for her.

But she says…

“You should just know.”

“I’ve told you a thousand times.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you time and again.”

And you hear the words. But nothing makes sense. You’re at a loss for what to do.

Does your wife seem cold or irrational?

If so, this unconscious thing happens. You start to turn away from her. It isn’t on purpose, but you try to find a way through.

You seek other ways to be happy – be it more golf, more time with the kids, more work. Any way to experience a sense of value.

There is little value with her. And it’s like being stranded on a deserted island. Your emotions start to turn on you – resentment, anger, bitterness, or just apathy.

Do you feel undervalued by your wife?

Often a man assumes that his wife’s irrationality or lack of consistency is because of him.

He doesn’t know what’s happened. Why he’s lost his wife. How his marriage has gotten to such a tough place.

How do you make sense of it all?

In the video below, discover how to get your head back into the game of your marriage with an irrational or distant wife.

The days are long and the years are short, it’s often said.

Don’t be the guy who wakes up one day, and says, how did I get here?

Or even worse, how do I get out of here?

Can you afford to wait years to create the marriage you want?

If not, up your marital game today. Let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

I’d be honored to hear from you. And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out the Men’s Relationship Tools for free. It’s also a great way to see what I can offer you.

The post How To Stay Married To An Irrational Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Of course, this is because men are superficial and only care about the physical.

And if you believe that, then you know nothing about most men and you’re being superficial.

Time and again, I hear guys saying…

“She’s shut down.”

“I feel hopeless.”

“The challenges continue.”

Do you struggle with sex in your marriage?

Sex is such a big deal to guys not for the reason we typically think of. It’s not because he’s only interested in the physical.

A lack of sex in a relationship is about connection. It’s the most obvious sign that his wife is shut down to him.

It’s not just that he wants to get off or have a release.

The bigger issue is he doesn’t feel loved, accepted, and connected.

Do you feel unloved by your wife or partner?

It’s often been said that in relationship, a woman seeks to be adored and cherished. And a man wants to be respected and admired.

Through sexual intimacy, more than any other way, he feels those things.

And so if sex is lacking, he feels vacant and relationally impoverished.

Do you feel respected and admired in your relationship?

If you don’t, it’s easy for a man to feel rejected, angry, or depressed.

If that’s you, I feel you, brother. And I know it’s tough. I experienced those feelings for years in a sexually challenged marriage.

But my situation didn’t change until I got clear that being in victim mode was not serving me. While it felt good and I could be righteous about it, that didn’t get me to the sexually fulfilling relationship I ultimately wanted.

A relationship where I felt my partner’s love and admiration.

Instead of being at the mercy of your situation, use your energy to change it.

In the video below, discover three common reactions men have with sex challenges and how they can use their situation to create the sexually fulfilling marriage they seek.

In 15 years of coaching married men with sexless marriages, I’ve seen two types of men.

One is the man who stays stuck in inaction and the other is the guy who steps up his game to take action.

The second guy knows that to get a different outcome, he needs different input, different thoughts and beliefs about himself and his situation to create the marriage he seeks.

He puts himself in a position to create the marriage he wants, knows it’ll take some work and he’s willing to do the work.

He’s not just trying to make a bad thing go away but he’s committed to learning how that bad thing can be used towards creating something better, more powerful and more fulfilling for the benefit of himself, his kids, and yes, his wife.

Are you ready to use your sexless marriage to create the marriage you ultimately seek?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post What Your Sexless Marriage Can Teach You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

They say, “I love my wife. She’s great but I don’t know if I can stay married to her.”

And then they explain further…

“We haven’t had sex in months.

“She’s not even interested.

“She’s frigid.”

Do you struggle with sex in your relationship?

Sex is a big deal for us dudes.

It’s often been said that we men need to have sex to feel emotionally connected.

And on the flip side, she needs to be emotionally connected to have sex.

It can feel like such a disconnect. God’s cruel joke.

What comes first – sex or emotional connection?

Many guys don’t even know that his wife needs to be emotionally connected to have sex.

They think she just needs to open her legs and accept him.

They say, “I do everything to fulfill what she needs of me. She doesn’t reciprocate.”

I understand this well because I was in a 20-year marriage where sex was often lacking.

I tried to behave myself. You know, score points. Try to be loving. And then maybe she’d be open up to sex.

But most of the time, she’d reject me. It was as if she saw this sudden wave of exemplary behavior and didn’t quite trust it. And with good reason.

Do you try to score points with your wife to get sex?

Eventually, I’d wonder, What’s the point?

Why even bother to try to build an emotional connection if I can’t get laid once in a while by my own damn wife?

So I’d feel the sting of rejection. To cope, I’d suck it up and try to stay the course for my son and the family.

But do we really have to castrate ourselves to stay married?

There’s got to be a better way. But yet it’s so easy just to throw in the towel, give up, look at other women, or accept the status quo.

There’s a name for that course of action. It’s called “playing small.”

It feels like crap because it is small – small-minded, small-hearted, and small sexually.

What if you had a better way to revive your sexless marriage?

Before we get there, let’s acknowledge something big.

In a long-term relationship or marriage, we have this other dynamic going on. I’ll speak to it in a second.

Often, we don’t know about this dynamic, because the only reference we have for abundant sex is in the good old days, during the honeymoon chemical-flooding phase of doing it in the bathroom, the car, the kitchen, a park bench, anywhere we could get our sex organs out.

What we had then that was lost many years into marriage was simply this… Eros.

Eros is mystery, the unknown, erotic curiosity, arousal, and passion.

It’s something that gets squashed in the day-to-day functioning of married life – getting the kids to school, going to work, bills paid, etc., etc.

We lost our eros and passion because at some point, whether we knew it or not, we prioritized security, stability, and commitment over risk, vulnerability, and deep connection.

Does fear of risk hold you back from creating a fulfilling sex life?

In this video below, I talk about 3 steps to creating a sexually fulfilling marriage, and 3 mental errors we guys make in the process.

Do you want to up level your sex life?

There’s an old joke. To kill off your sex life, get married.

But let’s face it, you didn’t get married to kill off your sex life.

You got married to build a home – psychological, emotional, physical, sexual in one another, and a literal home for your kids.

Fixing a sexless marriage takes some work. And yes, there could be some struggle in achieving it.

Hard conversations, not taking everything personally, and a willingness to get curious about your partner’s blocks.

Are you willing to be in the struggle of rebuilding your sex life?

At the end of the day, you get to decide what you want to struggle for, and what problems you choose.

When asked if they’re willing to put in the work to rebuild their sex life, most guys say, “Well it depends.”

I hate to break it to you. But nothing groundbreaking happens in the land of “it depends.”

If that’s you, it’s a sign that you’re not super serious about turning around your sex life.

For those guys who are serious, ready to be in the struggle, and ready to do something life-changing, let’s have a quick chat.

You are the kind of man I work with. You are the man I help up level his sex life.

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to really understand what’s keeping you stuck from having a great sex life.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship Tools where I am helping men step into action to enhance sex, passion, trust, and confidence in their relationship.

The post 3 Steps To Fix Your Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

We’ve been together 12 years, says another.

We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy.

What do all these guys have in common?

All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages.

Passion. It often fades in a long-term relationship. Aliveness, a sense of a spark, excitement, connection, sex.

Guys want passion. Women want passion too. All humans want passion.

It seems to be this universal desire as if it’s a right of ours to have passion in our primary relationship.

People are saying to themselves, “I have a right to experience passion, to get out of the dead zone in my marriage, it’s killing me.”

And yet so many people struggle with attaining passion.

Do you lack passion in your relationship?

It’s one thing to want passion. It’s another to sabotage it. And so, often your desire for something else is sabotaging passion.

And that something else is… Can you guess what it is?

Drumroll, please…. It is comfort, safety, and security.

Too much safety, too much comfort kills passion. Passion grows out of uncertainty and risk.

Now don’t get me wrong, safety is critical as a baseline quality to any long-term relationship.

But most people have flatlined in their relationship precisely because somewhere down the road, they chose safety over passion.

They live in an inner script of….

Well, you know, she gets upset when I say the wrong word, so I don’t say anything anymore.

Or…

Yeah, she hates it when I ask for sex. I got tired of her rejecting me, so I stopped asking.

It’s safe to retreat or disengage. But it won’t get you the passion you seek in your relationship.

Do you choose safety over passion in your relationship?

If so, I get it, we need to be safe – emotionally, physically, psychologically – in a long-term relationship.

We need to feel that sense of a safe home in our partner. A place we can rest, experience calm, a sense of respite from the world. But again…

Too much safety leads to a flatlined, dead relationship.

So where are you willing to get unsafe in your relationship?

Maybe you’ve taken risks but they didn’t work out. Then, you just recoiled back into safety.

“I asked her out on a date night and she said no.”

“I tried to do that blindfold thing I’ve been fantasizing about, but she wouldn’t go for it.”

“I touched her on the inside of her arm like she asked me to and then she told me I did it wrong.”

Risks are important but the right risks are even more important.

Are you taking the right risks in your relationship, if any at all?

Risks that get you payoffs.

Risks that honor where you are and help you with the next step needed to move forward into passion.

Risks that won’t crush you if things go south.

Take the right risk at the right time and succeed. And then the next risk and the next.

Build a bridge of risks to get you across that river that’s been keeping you stuck on the shores of deadness.

Do you want to learn how to bring passion back into your marriage?

Check out the video below to discover how stepping into the right risks will bring the passion back to your relationship.

“The level of passion in your relationship is commensurate to the level of risk you’re willing to tolerate in your relationship,” Tony Robbins once said.

It’s a powerful statement that speaks precisely to why risk-averse individuals have no passion in their relationship.

It may be where you feel stuck right now.

Are you willing to take a risk right now?

If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to build your risk tolerance to bring passion back into your relationship.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

The post What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed with everything in my life – from running my business, helping run a household, raising a son, and all the other stuff that comes with it.

I knew I was depleted. I had lost a lot of energy in my relationship with my wife. We would go from brief moments of energized closeness to long desert spans of disconnection and mere functioning.

I remember asking myself…

How long can I make this last?

I was questioning the life I was living.

I had little in the tank with my wife after many attempts to heal the rifts between us, through therapy, counseling, or workshops.

The work we did on our marriage was mostly hail mary attempts, instead of committed, sustained efforts.

We just couldn’t seem to get on top of things to keep a strong connection. She struggled with a lot of chronic illnesses. I struggled with trying to hold up so much, so she could rest and heal.

I was in that classic scenario of burning the candle at both ends. Running hard to maintain a reality – work, family, marriage – that seemed to have no reprieve from stress or effort in sight.

It’s one thing to know relationship is hard work. It’s another to feel like it’s a mountain crushing you.

How can I keep going like this?

I often woke up, thinking this.

I wanted more love, trust, connection, sex, and yet it seemed like my wife and I were distant planets orbiting one another in separate galaxies, missing each other again and again.

And with the pain of it all, it was easy to hide out in the daily functioning of life, instead of making each other a priority and really taking command of our marriage. I really wanted that but it didn’t seem like it was a priority for her.

As I questioned the future of our coupledom, I began to get clarity that our future would be decided, not by some mysterious fate or hail mary attempt to make things better.

Nor would it be decided on how she received me. I already had a ton of data on that.

But instead, I got clarity of the future of our relationship through a simple question that I knew was critical for me to answer. And that simply was…

How much more work do I want to put into this marriage?

With that, came also… what do I have left in the tank?

Once I knew the answer, I got clear of how much more effort I was willing to put into the marriage.

I got clear on what I was willing to do to make the marriage work.

And what I was not willing to do. 

Where I still had skin in the game.

And where I was done.

Are you clear on how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship?

If not, you’re likely spinning in endless hypothetical scenarios in your mind.

If I do A, maybe she’ll do B. Or if I do C, maybe she’ll do D. It’s enough to drive a guy nuts. And it typically leaves him more confused than clear.

To get more clarity on if your relationship will last, check out the video below where I take you deeper into knowing where you’re in and where you’re out.

Most guys I know want their relationship to last.

They don’t want to give up on their partner. They don’t want to feel like a failure, especially when they’re married with kids and shared assets on the line.

But still they have thoughts of throwing in the towel, trying to imagine another life.

How do you really know when you’re done in a relationship?

It’s a huge decision and one made so much less stressful when you begin to access your inner clarity and authority.

Once you have that clarity, then you can begin to move toward an action plan. You can be fully aligned on where you’re willing to step in and what you want moving forward.

To help you get your clarity, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand in your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

The post Will My Relationship Last? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Not even sex or connection just kindness.

It seems like a low bar and the least he can expect from his wife of 15 years.

Instead, he gets degradation, denigration, and verbal abuse.

Do you experience verbal abuse from your wife?

Rob struggled to identify it as verbal abuse upfront.

“She just flips out on me. Often I don’t why. She says I’m selfish. All I think about is myself. I’ve tried not to personalize it. But she’s worn me down. That’s why I finally reached out to you,” he said.

He was admitting that after much patience and time, it was clear that she was being abusive.

How do you know if your wife’s behavior is abusive?

One way to know, which I speak to in the video below, is having a baseline of comparison in a more neutral setting, for instance, at work.

If someone told you at work that you were flawed as a man or incompetent, you probably would pause and say, “hey, that’s not ok.”

In the intimate container of marriage or relationship, where so many emotions are online, it can be more challenging to identify what’s abuse or not.

We tolerate so much to keep a marriage alive.

Do you experience your wife’s criticisms as a flaw of your character?

If so, chances are you’re in a “compassion conundrum.”

You’re trying to be compassionate and sensitive to your wife, but you also feel the attack in how she speaks to you – her angry tone, her snide facial expressions, her choice of words.

I say to Rob, “You want to stay compassionate to her. And you want to stand up for yourself.”

Rob nods.

“But…. you don’t know how to do that without making things worse.”

“Exactly,” he says.

How can you be compassionate to your wife and protect yourself from her abuse at the same time?

In the video below, learn what I taught Rob – the source of her abusive behavior and how to stay strong and relational in the face of it.

Do you want to get out of the cycle of verbal abuse with your wife?

If so, you’ll have to take some risks. One such risk is to rock the boat with her.

Rocking the boat could mean making it clear to her that you’re open to the “what” of her words but the “how” must change.”

It could mean setting a clear boundary when her tone reaches a certain pitch.

It could mean noticing when you’re maxed and need to take a pause from an interaction.

Ultimately, it means you taking care of yourself, so you to stay in the marriage to create the change you seek.

Rob took this risk and transformed his wife’s hostility into kindness over the course of three months working with me.

But before taking that risk, he took a first step. He clicked the link below. You can too.

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk to see what risks you need to take to transform your marriage.

The post How To Deal With A Verbally Abusive Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

How can I save my marriage?

Maybe you’re asking yourself this question. Or you’re avoiding it.

Or you’re not even sure if your marriage is worth saving.

You might be saying things like…

“She’s just not open to me.”

“She doesn’t trust me.”

“I know I haven’t been the best to her always. I want to be better moving forward.”

What can you do when your marriage is in crisis?

Maybe you’ve tried therapy, workshops, video courses, and it seems like nothing helps.

Maybe it feels like a lost cause.

I can relate, having been married for 20 years.

Often, I just showed up with my wife, avoiding her and the state of our marriage.

It was a way to get through my days, to get through work, and try to be a good dad.

And that worked for a long time until… it didn’t.

I had hit what a colleague of mine calls the relationship breakpoint.

Are you at a break point in your marriage?

You are if you’re asking yourself if your relationship is worth saving.

You’re at a break point if you’re wondering how long you can continue on in your marriage.

Of course, this is a super tough place to be in. And thousands of men are in the same situation right now.

At the break point, we often see the problem, but we don’t see the solution.

We focus on the problem as if it’s something that needs to be fixed so you can be happy.

And yet I invite you into a deeper experience.

What’s beneath the question of – can I save my marriage?

The truth is, the problem isn’t her distance or her disappearing on you. It’s the impact that it has on you

The sense of hopelessness, that you can’t do anything right, that things can’t be improved.

The power of expert relationship coaching lies in the power of the question asked.

In the video below, discover a better question than ‘can I save my marriage’, to help you out in a tough situation.

So don’t have time to watch the video? I want to offer you that question.

It’s six words.

How can I turn towards her?

Consider that. It speaks to the primary reason you’re in relationship in the first place. To build a life TOGETHER.

There is a power in this question that keeps you connected to your higher mission in relationship and what brought you into it initially.

To help you move into openness, love, connection, and trust with your wife.

Master the skill of staying open to your partner, even in a challenging marriage, and drop me a line below.

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post One Question That Can Save Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

He said men on the evolutionary scale have two instincts.

What are men’s two primary instincts historically?

The first instinct for a man, he said, is to KILL IT.

Kill, hunt, get the prey, conquer, win, feed the tribe.

Today that means make the deal, win the case, crush the project, get the client, fill the coffers.

The other instinct he spoke of is simply termed FUCK IT.

Yes, actually have intercourse, penetrate, enter the vulva, have sex, and procreate, spread his seed, enlarge his domain.

Can you relate to those two instincts?

And yet, over the last 50 years, with the rise of feminism and women’s empowerment, those two instincts have been significantly challenged.

A third instinct is required of men, one that has typically the domain of women, which I’ll speak to in a moment.

In today’s new world, a man who stays only in the lane of the fuck it and kill it instincts, always fighting, conquering, and trying to have sex, will fall short in achieving his happiness.

The same outcome occurs for the man who ignores those two instincts altogether.

That’s the guy who doesn’t manifest financially, doesn’t conquer, and shuts down his sexuality because he fears rejection or he’s got a cold partner.

Are you the guy who manifests or abdicates financially? The guy who embraces his sexuality or rejects it?

To do both well today – fuck it and kill it – require mastery of a third instinct I mentioned prior historically in the domain of the female.

An instinct that is a massive growth curve for men who have only had to develop this instinct 50 out of the last 10,000 years.

That third instinct is TO EMOTE, relate to it, connect emotionally.

The man who knows what he’s feeling and can express his feelings without being whiney, self-pitying, or aggressive.

This helps a man be a better and more fulfilled father, a more empowered and loving husband, and often uplifts his business as well.

And the capacity to emote and emotionally connect is key to a man’s ability to have a sexually fulfilling marriage or long-term relationship.

Doing otherwise is treating her or sex like a transaction or an obligation.

And it leads to acting out three key dynamics in which your partner shuts down sexually to you, which I discuss in the video below.

You have a fuck it instinct. Of course, she’s not an it. She’s so much more.

Once you discover why your wife no longer wants sex, you’ll be on the path to knowing what it takes to create the kick-ass sex life you deserve.

To start on the path to a better sex life, shoot me a quick email to jump on a 15-minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can help you achieve your relationship goals.

Or join me on my Men’s Relationship Tools weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for any man to get relationship support for only $47/month.

Check it out anytime. First call is free.

The post 3 Reasons She Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You appeared first on Stuart Motola.