“It’s your job to make her happy.”

“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

No doubt you’ve heard one or all of these expressions. Maybe one of these voices lives in your head.

How do you make your wife happy?

Every month I talk to guys who approach their marriage as a “wife happy-making” endeavor.

They realize they’re not happy. So they go with this belief…

If I can make her happy then I can be happy.

Do you prioritize your wife’s happiness over your own?

If so, I honor your intention to be selfless, to be a good man, to put your wife first.

But I will also add it’s disingenuous. Meaning you’re not being honest.

You have an ulterior motive; and that is your own happiness.

Do you try to meet your wife’s needs to get her to meet yours?

Let’s be clear, this is classic human nature. There’s no shame in having an ulterior motive.

That’s part of what makes us human. We are constantly scanning the landscape of our lives to see what we can get and where we can get it.

But until we acknowledge this, we will do the sideways game of seeking our own happiness through our partner’s.

What if you just went directly after what you want?

First, you’re more likely to get it. And second, you’ll be less frustrated.

The first way to do so is to call out the old pattern of trying to make her happy. And get clear on the disingenuity of it. Read this next sentence twice if necessary.

Nobody can make anyone happy.

Sure, you can offer acts of kindness or loving words in a moment.

But you can’t make anyone happy on a long-term basis.

Her happiness is her responsibility.

That means she, just like you, has to get clear on her authentic wants and needs and advocate for them in a relational manner.

Screaming, complaining, cutting you down is not relational. Nor is walking out, avoiding, withdrawing, or stonewalling.

If this is your reality with your partner, check out how to stop old and unhealthy patterns.

So how can you be happy if she’s not happy?

In the video below, learn to claim your own well-being in relationship without putting her needs above your own.

And so, ask yourself another question, beyond how do I make my wife happy.

A question that brings you to the third entity of the “we.” Beyond you and beyond her.

A place for you both to do the work to meet in between.

How do you create a kick-ass relationship?

Dive deeper. Shoot me a quick email. Let’s jump on a 15 minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can benefit you.

Or join me on the next Men’s Relationship Tools weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for any man to get relationship support, for only $67/month.

The post How Do You Make Your Wife Happy? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“I don’t spend enough time with the kids.

“She doesn’t feel like I’m on her team.

“It’s endless. Sometimes I wonder why she even stays married to me,” Jack says.

Does your wife complain about you?

“Why does she stay married to you? Have you asked her?” I say.

Jack takes a deep breath. He shakes his head.

“It’s a bit embarrassing to say,” he says.

“Trust me, I’ve heard just about everything,” I reply.

“Because…” he says. “… of the kids.”

“And you take that personally?”

“Of course I do. I’m just a shelf item in her world. A slot holder for her to keep our family together.”

Do you feel like a pawn in your partner’s world?

“Jack,” I say. “I want to tell you something. It’s something most of us miss when we are feeling victimized. You have a choice.”

“Say more,” he says.

“You can either be in ‘poor me’ land or you can start to see your wife’s complaints about the dishes and time with your kids as feedback.”

“Ok,” Jack says.

I have his full attention.

I tell Jack how in her complaints, his wife has given him the operating manual on how to be in a happy marriage with her.

Do you want the operating manual on your partner for a fulfilling marriage?

If so, discover how to transform her complaints into your marching orders for a happy marriage, in the video below.

“Jack,” I say. “This doesn’t just mean roll over and do whatever she asks of you. That would be inauthentic.”

He nods.

“What it means instead is to get clear on what she wants. Get curious, get more information from your wife, and ask questions.

“Can you tell me why dishes in the sink bother you so much?

“How much time would you like to see me spending with the kids each week?

“Have a strong spine and don’t just fold at her complaints.

“She’s counting on you to be strong in the face of her complaints. And yes, even if it’s been going on for 10 years.

“This is your chance, Jack. To step up and change things for the better.”

Over the course of several conversations with me for the next 2 months, Jack steps up.

He develops a strong spine with his wife’s complaints and tunes into her feedback. And what do you know, her complaints diminish.

Do you want to diminish your wife’s complaints?

Change happened for Jack because he stayed in action. He didn’t just say, I understand, and that’s enough.

Instead, he showed up and kept showing up. To confront his old unconscious destructive “poor me” behavioral patterns.

He noticed when he was going down the self-pity hole and instead, called forth a stronger and more capable version of himself.

I always say to a client, it’s not just on me to create the change you seek in your relationship. It’s a 200% arrangement. My 100% and yours. That’s how change happens.

Are you ready to show up fully to transform your wife’s complaints into a happy and fulfilling marriage?

If so, let’s have a quick chat.

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools. Reply “MRS Yes” to try it out and join your first call for free.

The post How To Deal With Her Complaints appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Why don’t you take me seriously?”

“You don’t listen.”

Does your wife say any of these things to you?

It’s not uncommon for a guy to hear something similar from his wife. And there’s a good reason why.

As men, we often struggle to keep up with our partner’s words. We feel like she’s verbose and talking circles around us.

“She uses a thousand words when a simple and concise articulation would suffice,” my client Robert, an investment advisor, said to me recently.

Over 15 years of coaching married men, I’ve seen it time and again that guys feel their head spinning trying to keep up their wives’ words.

Part of that is that the neurochemical makeup of the male brain versus the female brain, which gives her an advantage when it comes to verbal communication.

Do you struggle to keep up with your wife’s words?

Neurological research posits that the male brain is wired in a different way than the female brain.

This is from the article Male and Female Brains: Are they wired differently?

“Women are better at attention, word memory and social cognition, and verbal abilities.

“Men are better at spatial processing and sensorimotor speed.”

In a nutshell, the female brain is more expansive and adept with words.

Often this can be used against men, especially in the media, labeling us as dummies.

And yet, that might be true for the dude who doesn’t try to use his words or listen well.

But if you’re reading this, you’re not that guy.

Chances are you’re a regular guy like me who is intelligent and still struggles to keep up with her words.

You give it your best shot. You listen well. And still it’s not enough for her.

It’s enough to keep a guy lost and confused.

Does she tell you that you don’t listen?

A lot of times we are listening and we’re just trying to find a way to help her get past whatever she’s talking about.

We’re essentially trying to fix her, so things can be ok, to limit the verbal assault, so that she can chill out.

It’s a way of trying to access the crux of her words to keep the peace.

You may have seen this parody of a guy trying to not fix his female partner in the nail in the head video.

Do you try to fix your wife?

Even if you said no, and thought that yes, you really try to hear her out, sometimes it still might not be enough for her.

In the video below, check out how my client Robert stood strong, and you can too, after he was dismissed by his wife for not listening…even though he was.

Are you struggling with a verbose partner?

Do you struggle to keep up with her words?

Do you get beat up for it?

If you answered yes, let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out the Men’s Relationship Tools for free.

It’s a great way to see what coaching can offer you.

The post She Says I Don’t Listen appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body.

You want to have more sex than your wife.

Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex.

It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a man, for crying out loud. You have needs.

You feel most loved, admired, and respected when your partner is open to you sexually.

When that door shuts, it’s as if you’re left stranded on a desert island without food or water. You feel starved.

At worst, it can cause you to feel desperate, in pain, and even lose hope in your relationship.

True or false? You feel most connected emotionally with your partner when you feel connected sexually.

And yet you can be shamed for this. You hear things from her (or as a client recently told me, from his female therapist) like…

“All you care about is sex.”

“You’re a cliché man.”

“I’m not your sexual object.”

Do you want more sex than your wife?

In today’s culture, it’s easy for you to feel shamed for your desires.

Hell, you might even be saying to yourself, I’m a good guy. It’s not like I’m hiring a prostitute or having an affair. It’s my wife, for cryin’ out loud.

(And no shame on those guys who are having affairs or hiring prostitutes. I’m not in the moral judgment business but in the business of understanding unmet human needs and how to bring them back into integrity.)

It can feel like a life sentence when you want more sex than your wife.

I know. I lived it for many years in my marriage.

Sometimes I thought it was god’s cruel joke that she needed to connect emotionally before becoming sexual, all the while it was the opposite for me.

Do you struggle with the emotional-sexual divide in your marriage?

It can feel like a bit of a cluster fuck. You want to figure it out.

And in the process of trying to do so, you feel damned if you act on it and damned if you don’t.

Of course, the internet has all kinds of tips – talk to her about it, get it out in the open, make her feel loved, and on and on.

And yet in trying to implement, it’s easy to face plant and get even more frustrated.

How have you attempted to solve your sexual challenges?

Most guys try one of the four below.

A. Attempt to do everything to make her happy and score points so she’ll open up to you sexually.
(That was my strategy)

B. Ignore it and make the best of it.

C. Use porn and live in fantasies.

D. Get attention at a massage parlor or strip club.

How do you deal with wanting more sex than your wife?

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The lack of sexual fulfillment is on the top level, a symptom.

Underneath are a bunch of other problems.

And to be candid, these may very well be problems in your marriage that you may not want to deal with.

Frankly, it might feel like too much work. And if that’s so, that’s great information.

It helps you get clear on where you want to put your energy, and what your higher priorities are.

You get to decide how you want to do you.

But if you effectively deal with those deeper problems, you’re in a much greater position to create the sexually fulfilling marriage that you seek.

Do you like your sex life as it is or do you want to create something better?

Check out the video below to work on the deeper problems stopping you from creating the sexually fulfilling marriage you seek.

Sex is primal. And at the same time, after years of marriage, we can lose access to that primal energy.

Sex can become mundane.

When there’s no aliveness in you and your life, it makes perfect sense that you’ll experience deadness in the bedroom.

Without curiosity and variety, things flatline in relationship.

An unfulfilled sexual life is just a symptom of where you’ve flatlined with your partner.

Are you ready to bring more aliveness to your marriage and bedroom?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage or just know who the hell I am to consider coaching, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post I Want More Sex Than My Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Baby,” he says, “I work 10 hours a day, I do everything I can for us to have a good life.”

“Yes, that’s fine,” she says. “But I don’t feel like you love me.”

“What did I do wrong?” He asks her.

“Nothing,” she says.

Do you struggle to understand how you failed your wife?

If so, just know that there are millions of men who are in the same boat as you.

In his seminal book many years ago “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” John Gray spoke to this.

He explained a core difference between men and women and how they show love.

Essentially, he said men and women have different brains.

Men are logical. Women are emotional.

And yes, it can often feel like we are on two different planets.

Do you try to understand your wife logically?

If so, there you go, that’s part of the problem.

Due to a lack of advanced emotional intelligence in many of us men, we often ignore emotions and instead attempt to show our love through logic. We try to fix things.

Do you try to serve your wife by fixing and it often backfires?

A guy’s inner script typically goes like this – Tell me the problem and let me use my superior rational powers to make things better, sweetie.

He uses his rational powers at work all the time – in law, finance, business, engineering, science – and it pays off, but not at home.

“Well, then the other day,” Dave continues. “She said that she wanted me to take care of the food for the party, and then when I came home with everything, she got upset at me.

“I asked her why, and she says, oh because I didn’t do it right.

“Baby, I got everything you asked me for. I even had a list.” He scratches his head, mystified.

“That’s not the point,” his wife says. “Three people canceled and now we’ll have too much food.”

“Wait a minute, love. Is this about you being upset for me not getting the right food at the market or about people not coming tonight?”

“Why do you have to argue with me?” She says.

Dave has that “I can never win” look on his face.

And then it goes downhill from there.

Do you struggle to understand your wife?

Well, if so, consider Dave’s story. Maybe it’s yours too. Clearly, there were some illogical things going on.

Logically, Dave got it right, and maybe you do too, but still emotionally he’s on another planet and can’t see what his wife really needs.

Do you want to figure out what your wife really needs?

If so, check out the video below to see how your logic spins you into a place of helplessness with her and what to do instead.

“Dave,” I say, after he’s done telling me about the party incident. “Her upset wasn’t about you.”

“But why did it come out on me?” He asks. “I try to do my best for her and nothing seems like enough.”

“Emotions, Dave. Emotions. Tune into her emotions.

“Start learning her language. Decode her.

“She’ll pivot from food shopping to guests cancelling in a micro-second. And you’ll be left in the dust on the food shopping.

“She was upset about the guests, not you.”

“But…” he says. “It shouldn’t have come out on me.”

“I know, it seems unfair. But this is your chance to man up.”

“Try this, Dave,” I continue. “Say this to yourself.

“Her emotions came out on me. It wasn’t about me. I can be there for her.

“And I can say, I’m sorry, sweetie, that people cancelled. Let’s still do our best to have fun together.”

Hmmm… Dave looks up, thinking. He’s struggling to buy it.

“Ok, I’ll do my best,” he says. He gets it.

Changing his marriage is more important than being right.

In the weeks to come, Dave starts implementing and things improve dramatically with his wife.

Do you want to learn how to decode your wife’s emotions so you can experience less frustration and more joy?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. Men or women who want to learn more about men (that’s right, I am coaching women now).

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post Why Her Emotions Frustrate You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“I want all the wonderful things that she wants. In fact, I love providing for her. But damn if…”

He pauses, thinks.

“Ok, fine, she’s made it clear, I need to show up better. I need to provide emotionally for her as well as physically.”

Robert looks away.

“But I don’t understand a few things.

“Recently, I tried to do what she asked of me, to help her out around the house, to be more present for her.

“I even fixed the back door that hasn’t been shutting correctly. Granted, it took me a month.

“Still, I’m putting a lot of skin in the game these days. But man, she’s still like an ice queen.”

Do you experience your wife as cold and distant?

Maybe you even feel like you’re trying to show up more, be more caring, communicate better.

And yet still she’s distant and disinterested in you. With increased efforts, it’s easy to get resentful – she doesn’t see I’m trying.

As a result, you might blow up every once in a while, like Robert, wanting to take a hatchet to the ice.

Do you get frustrated when your partner doesn’t see your efforts to show up better?

“Somewhere, somehow, I lost her, I know I was working too much, and yet even with all that I’m trying to do better, it’s like I can’t get her back.”

Unknowingly, Robert is stepping on a land mine. It’s the same one I see a lot of men step on.

He approaches his relationship like it’s a door repair job.

And I don’t blame him. It’s what he knows, what pays off at work and in other areas of his life – fix problems and get rewarded for solutions.

But it is one of three ways that guys like Robert lose their wives.

What Robert has missed is that marriages require something else. Something less goal-oriented, less contrived, and less manipulative.

In the video below I speak to the two other ways I commonly see guys lose their wives.

What will it take to win your wife back?

Check out the video to discover simple steps to get her back.

Is your marriage really worth saving? Or do you just fear being alone?

I ask because your wife will know the difference. You know how women are. They often see things that we can’t. It’s like this voodoo skill of theirs.

You can’t just fake it or go through a pre-written script. It’s got to be real, from the heart.

For Robert, that took a few months. Like a lot of guys, he was head. He didn’t even know what was in his heart.

Working together, we changed that. And that was a game-changer for his wife, who was hungry for her husband’s heart.

It was then that she could chill out and warm up, finally.

Are you seeking to win your wife back?

If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to reconnect with your wife and build a better marriage.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

The post 3 Ways You Lose Your Wife & How To Get Her Back appeared first on Stuart Motola.

He is like many men I talk with. His wife is distant, and emotionally cold. Intimacy in his marriage is lacking.

Lack of sex in a marriage is a big deal to many men. And of course, to many women as well. But it tends to come up more with men.

Jacob wasn’t having sex with his wife often. As a result, he was hungry for it. And over time, he felt needy and even desperate.

Is your sex life lacking with your wife?

If so, like Jacob, maybe you pursue strategies to get more intimacy. Sometimes, even unconsciously.

Jacob did a lot of kind and nice things for his wife. He loved her and he wanted to make her happy. He wanted things to be good with her.

But underneath his good intentions, he wanted something in return. Something he feared asking for.

Jacob made an internal bargain that said… if I can help her get her needs met, then maybe she’ll meet mine.

Do you unconsciously bargain for your needs with your wife?

“So what are those needs of yours?” I ask Jacob.

“Ummm,” he pauses. He’s not sure how to answer.

I help him out and go straight to the point.

“Is it sex?” I say.

He smiles like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Yes, sex. Is that so terrible? I mean, for god’s sake, she’s my wife. I do so much for her… and…”

A story of a desperate man pours forth. I have empathy for him. I was there myself in a 25-year marriage.

“She’s always so busy, with the house, the kids, her mom, her job, and then I come last.”

Do you feel like sex is last on your wife’s list?

Jacob wants to justify himself and his needs. But that’s not necessary.

More than justifying, I want him to know he still has power. He can actually use his desperation to get back into his strength.

A man’s desperation for sex sabotages his sex life with his partner. It is a form of sex repellent to her.

It’s through his power that Jacob will get the love he seeks, not by groveling for sex or being needy.

Over the course of our conversation, desperation spills forth in other ways.

Jacob is not just desperate for sex. He’s desperate for touch. Desperate for attention. Desperate for affection.

Do you seek more touch and affection with your wife?

In the absence of touch and affection, it’s easy for a man to lose his power, focusing solely on the lack in his lower region.

“Do you feel needy with your wife?” I ask.

He pauses. Again, he doesn’t want to admit what is obvious.

“Not so much needy,” he says. “But more like invisible and angry.”

Okay, subtle distinction. Let’s call a spade a spade. Jacob was feeling needy.

And his neediness was a turn off to his wife. She felt like she was with a little boy, not a man. That drove Jacob nuts.

Is needy behavior sabotaging your sex life?

I point out the neediness to him. He concedes to it.

“Yes, I feel needy. But she….”

I pause him. I turn the tables, to see how neediness on his wife’s part would attract him.

“So what do I do with these desperate feelings?” Jacob asks me.

In the video below, see what I told Jacob – how to go from desperation to being in charge of your sex life in your marriage.

Are you in a sexless marriage?

Do you sometimes feel desperate sexually?

If so, then there’s a good chance that you are repelling your partner’s sexuality.

That’s right, without even knowing it, you may be wearing… god forbid… sex repellant.

To help you get clarity on how to command your sex life again, let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to revitalize your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is an act of courage.

*Jacob is a fictional name used for client confidentiality.

The post Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Sometimes, you even feel like you’re at the mercy of it. You want it now.

But you know you can’t demand it.

You know that demanding will just make it more likely that you won’t get it.

Besides, she’s an autonomous independent being.

What is it?

Sex. Of course.

It’s a big deal for us guys.

It’s often the most direct way that we feel love from our wife or partner.

Without sex, things just don’t feel right in the marriage or relationship.

It often feels as if… you are not right. You feel rejection.

A sense of her not being willing to receive you literally, physically, and, of course, emotionally.

Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship?

If so, I have an invitation for you.

To go deeper. To go to what you already know. A painful knowing which takes courage to confront.

The knowing that she’s shut down on you sexually.

And to be willing to learn the deeper causes of why she’s shut down on you.

And to know that it’s a manifestation of how she’s closed on a deeper level, emotionally.

You may have heard the expression, the key to her heart is…”___”

Fill in the blank. Trust, respect, love, emotion, safety….

What about the key to her vagina?

Well, you may have guessed it.

The key to her vagina is her heart.

There are actual nerves that connect her heart and vagina.

So how did her heart shut down on you?

Watch the video below to discover the 3 R’s – resentment, reclusion, and repair – that are key to understanding the deeper root causes of a sexless marriage and what to do about it.

Her heart shut down at some point in your relationship because she felt unsafe talking to you about things.

It could’ve been an incident that happened many years ago.

It could be something you did several weeks ago that reinforced an old story she tells herself.

A story that she’s not safe with you.

These are all deeper root causes of a sexless marriage. It does not just happen overnight.

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

I applaud you for your courage. For your commitment to give it your best shot.

You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post The Deeper Root Causes Of A Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Brené Brown speaks about it often.

Specifically, how it’s important to “embrace your vulnerability.”

Why bother? Why be vulnerable with your wife?

Well, if your marriage is on the rocks, pay attention.

90% of divorces in college-educated couples are initiated by the wife. Yes, a staggering number.

Her number one reason for divorce is the belief that her husband is emotionally checked out.

Successful men, like you, who are so busy kicking ass at work.

But at home, they have no idea how to open their hearts.

Does your wife complain that you’re emotionally unavailable? She doesn’t feel your heart?

If yes, vulnerability offers a pathway to avoiding the divorce scenario mentioned above.

In this moment, she’s asking herself – What’s the point of being married to him if I can’t experience his heart?

And so, the quickest way to your heart is through your vulnerability.

That means speaking your fears. Explicitly your fears regarding your wife and your marriage.

“I’m afraid our marriage won’t last.”

“I’m scared that we’re on the brink of divorce.”

“I fear being vulnerable with you.”

Not very manly, is it?

And yet nothing could be further from the truth. It’s a paradox.

On the surface, it can seem whimpy to expose your vulnerabilities to your wife.

Especially if you’re a guy who’s getting beat up verbally, emotionally, and sexually.

You may be asking yourself…

Why would I open my heart to her the way she treats me?

If so, let’s get clear, brother, that’s a wise voice. Pay attention to it.

It’s your inner voice of safety and self-protection.

It’s saying clearly to you… Hey man, I don’t feel safe with you sharing your heart with her.

That’s valid. The key is how to use that voice as an advisor and not a master.

When your voice of self-protection is your master, it shuts down all vulnerability and you become emotionally unavailable to her.

Typically this is an overreaction, unless there’s clear signs of abuse.

A more balanced reaction would be to get clear that you don’t feel safe and then take responsibility for your emotional safety, instead of blaming it on her.

So how do you share vulnerability with your wife?

In the video below, discover the right way to be vulnerable with your wife so that you don’t step on a land mine with her.

There is a right and wrong way to do vulnerability. Few guys are coached on this.

The right way honors your need to be safe and heard instead of blamed.

And it honors your need to be an autonomous man, meaning you don’t expect her to rescue you or make you ok, like a little boy wanting mommy to make him ok. No man wants that.

Master your needs and you’ll know how to be vulnerable and stay in your power at the same time.

Once you do that, you’ll become the man she’ll never leave.

The man she’s dying to get to know.

Are you ready to become a strong vulnerable man who’s irresistible to his wife?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post The Right Way To Be Vulnerable With Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

They say things like…

“I don’t feel close to my wife.”

“I’m not happy with my marriage.”

“I don’t feel like I can meet her needs.”

Do you struggle to meet your partner’s needs?

When it comes to your partner’s needs, I offer a huge distinction in the video below that helps most men.

Here’s the headline, in case you don’t have time to watch it.

It’s knowing the difference between needs and neediness.

Having needs looks like …

“Babe, the best way you can love me is to give me the benefit of the doubt.”

No demands. No accusations. Just a request. And then you see where she can meet you.

Neediness, on the other hand, looks like…

“You’re not enough for me.”

“You don’t meet my needs.”

“You never do… A or B.”

Fill in the blank. You likely have your own version of this.

Simply put, when stuck in a neediness loop, your partner is desperate and scared, expecting you to fill something in her.

Do you experience neediness from your wife?

If so, it’s important to notice if in response, you experience neediness yourself.

The need to be enough for her.

To not let her down.

To not fail her.

Or do you shut down any needs in the face of all the volume about her needs?

Either way, the most important thing is to notice the impact of her neediness on you. That’s key to maintaining your inner strength.

What happens to you when you feel your wife’s neediness?

In those moments, you likely feel like…

She’s too much.

Her needs are endless.

You’re not strong enough for her.

And that last one can be a blow to your ego as a man wanting to be strong for his woman.

Do you struggle to be strong for your wife?

If so, it’s critical that you acknowledge to yourself the impact of her neediness on you.

That’s the first step.

It means not being sucked down the rabbit hole of her neediness.

And simultaneously… stay compassionate to her as well.

She’s struggling. She needs you to be empathic to her struggle without being wrecked by it.

If you can notice the impact on you and stay compassionate to her, you will be that strong man you seek to be.

And you won’t feel like you’re at the mercy of her neediness.

To take a much deeper dive into how to stay strong and compassionate in the face of your partner’s neediness, check out this video below.

Let’s face it, brother. Her neediness is just a cry for help.

And until you’re able to take care of yourself, her neediness will feel like a black hole.

So, my invitation to you is to up-level yourself and your relational game.

Then you can be the strong and loving man you seek to be for yourself, your woman, and your kids.

Are you ready to finally be free of her neediness?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

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