Second, consider this non-PC phrase. One that men may use to describe a buddy’s romantic state in early relationship.

Are you pussy whipped?

With full respect to women, a woman’s ability to “pussy whip” a man is simultaneously her power to capture him.

And while an intoxicating spell, when a man is in this spell, he’s also forming an unhealthy initial relational attachment with his partner.

And in his early years – his 20’s in particular – it could lead to the long-term decision of marriage.

“She’s the one.

I love her.

She makes me happy.

I want to marry her”

Maybe that was you 10 or 20 years ago as a younger man and today you’re thinking… What happened? Where’d all that magic go?

I hate to say it. But it wasn’t magic. It was a script. An inner script of self-abandonment into your partner. A script setting the foundation for … yep, you guessed it… codependence.

To be whipped or codependent is to…

… place your self-esteem outside of yourself.

… feel like you have to caretake your partner.

… take on the emotional burdens of her upsets.

No disrespect to the whipped man. I was that man for many years in a 20-year marriage. So I know him well.

He’s not a bad guy. And he’s not somebody to be disparaged or made fun of.

Were you once this whipped guy?

Are you a codependent guy today?

What’s that mean for you moving forward?

In a nutshell, you’d know if you’re whipped or codependent because you’d be diminished when your wife or partner rejects you, tells you she’s disappointed in you, or in layman’s terms, has you feeling like she has you by the balls.

So what can you do about feeling like you’re at the mercy of your wife?

First, start to recognize the internal sensations, feelings, or thoughts that you have with her.

Begin to get familiar with those internal dynamics to rewire them.

Notice if you feel caught in her psychological or emotional web.

A sense of if she’s not happy, I can’t be happy.

A feeling of I don’t know where she ends and where I begin.

A thought of it kind of feels good to feel like I’m at her mercy.

All of that is enmeshment, another word for codependence.

And it can feel juicy and delicious and simultaneously imprisoning and destructive.

And to get free, you have to identify the internal dynamics within yourself, as ultimately it’s about you, not her.

Discover if you’re in patterns of codependence with your wife and how to get out of them in the video below.

Enmeshment and codependence are real stuff. We do them as a clumsy and unconscious attempt to heal early life wounds when we were enmeshed with our parents.

It’s extremely psychologically and emotionally unhealthy and will destroy a marriage until you know better.

Yet oddly enough, there is a kink, a good feeling in giving away your power to your wife or partner. It’s unconscious and paradoxical.

To escape from the trap of enmeshment, you need the courage to look at yourself and do the deeper work of relationship.

It begins with you brother. The gift and invitation in all this is to get free. Create the relationship you want.

Take the first step. Shoot me a quick email.

The post How Codependence Can Wreck Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion.

I brought my A-game to the conversation. I listened and I was patient. Really tuned into her ideas. I offered what I thought were some solid suggestions. With little thought, she shot them all down.

She then proceeded to tell me that she was going to spend twice what I had proposed because I was being cheap and our son deserved more.

Does your wife ask for your opinion and then ignore it?

In the moment, I thought, Why are you even asking me for my opinion? What was the point of this conversation?

And so I resigned myself thinking, She doesn´t listen to me. She doesn´t value my opinion. She can never be wrong.

But I knew better than to speak those thoughts out loud. Dare I risk conflict with her? And especially during the holidays when I knew for the sake of my son, I had to be on my best behavior.

I remember that moment because it was then that I realized I was hiding out to avoid conflict. I didn´t have the guts or the skills to be honest with her. It gnawed at me. I hated the man I’d become. Needless to say, it was a rough holiday season.

Are you happy with the man you’ve become in your marriage?

In our twenties, I remember that my wife would listen. She was open to my thoughts and opinions. In fact, that was one of the things that I loved about her. She respected my intelligence. She loved my ideas when it came to the holidays.

And then in our thirties, something shifted. Our son was born. Like any new mom, she got anxious. Every time my son cried, her nervous system went into high alert.

That´s when I started orienting around her well-being. I wanted her to be ok. Being a good guy meant making sure my wife and son were ok.

But in the process, I started feeling like a second-class citizen in my own home. I started feeling like she always had to be right. She could never be wrong.

Can your partner rarely admit to being wrong?

It was as if my wife’s intelligence trumped mine – about everything.

Which school my son should go to. What we should do when he was misbehaving. Where we should buy his clothes. What we should do for the holidays.

And then it trickled over to us.

How I was not showing up for her. That I was working too much. That I didn’t help around the house. That she didn´t feel like I was on her team.

And over time, I just threw my hands up. I thought, I’m done arguing with this woman. It’s easier to just let her be right all the time.

Do you let your wife be right all the time?

Over time, it´s easy to feel like you have nothing to contribute after you’ve been shot down time and again for years.

Then one day, you realize you´ve lost who you are. You realize you have no opinions. You don´t care about what´s for dinner, what sofa gets bought, or what you do for the holidays.

And maybe like me, you even wake up, scared in the middle of the night, realizing, “I don´t know who I am anymore. This woman has dominated me, crushed the life out of me.”

Have you lost who you are in your marriage?

You may even ask yourself, Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?

It’s a crossroads for a lot of guys. But we don´t realize it´s also a major opportunity for us to reclaim the self-confidence and courage that we´ve lost.

To rebuild our backbone. Reclaim our wants and needs. And cut through her emotionality with clarity.

Reject a world where she´s never wrong. And create one where your opinions matter.

To step into integrity and be the man you want to be in your marriage. To create kick-ass holidays where you don’t just feel like wallpaper.

That was the vision of who I wanted to be. The guy I wanted to model for my son.

And that´s the man I became. And you can too. Meet that man in the video below.

Are you choosing the status quo over aliveness in your marriage?

Every day that you hide, retreat, or withdraw in your relationship is a day that you betray yourself. You think it’s the status quo. You think it’s peace.

But silently you are deepening the roots of a marriage in which you play small.

At the end of the day, most of us guys want a few simple things in marriage. Trust, acceptance, connection, sex, and the ability to relax and love his wife.

And yet instead, most of us agree to a world where our wife can never be wrong.

Being a confident and capable man in your relationship is not as hard as it seems. Yes, it’s work. I won’t B.S. you.

But when you step in, make it a priority, and do it with a group of guys doing the same, it’s transformational and dare I say, even fun.

Do you want to make this the most fulfilling holiday season in years?

Get your relational chops tuned up just before the holidays.

Go into the holidays with clarity, confidence, and boldness, instead of just dragging yourself into the new year. Check out two ways below to do so.

One, if you´re on the brink of divorce, be the best man you can be for your kids and family this holiday season. In a quick chat by email or a call, I´ll help you stay strong this holiday season.

And second, if you´re committed to your marriage, check out The Men’s Relationship Tools and…

• Learn simple strategies for the holidays to be COOL & COLLECTED with your partner.
• Discover how not to TRIP UP when she wants to break the bank this holiday.
• Set yourself up to go into 2022 as a new you, a CONFIDENT & BOLD man in relationship.

The post It’s The Holidays & My Wife Can Never Be Wrong appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Just hearing all this makes my stomach cringe. To be married to a woman laden with problems is overwhelming for a guy.

Often his natural response is to take on the burden of her unhappiness and compound it by feeling like a failure if he can’t help her make things better.

Do you take on the burden of your wife’s problems?

An immature woman will blame a man for not perfectly supporting her or making things better.

A mature woman will take responsibility for her situation. She will notice her mindset, her attitude, and her projections.

Note, this is not easy and takes a lot of work to gain this level of maturity, for men and women.

To be honest, many of my clients are in a relationship with an immature woman. And to be clear, this doesn’t mean she’s to blame for your relationship problems.

What’s more important to look at is how you enable her immaturity and take it on as your problem to solve.

Do you enable immature behavior in your wife?

Enabling happens in many different ways, such as fixing, pleasing, rescuing. Anything that you would do to try to “make her better.”

I know this dynamic firsthand as it’s been my own personal dynamic in relationship. As a coach, I can go into classic fixer behavior.

But the problem is that when I do the fixer bit, my partner becomes a burden to me, to such an extent that I can lose my shit and want to push the eject button.

And then I become untrustworthy.

If you’re acting from a compensating behavior such as a pleaser, fixer, or rescuer, you’re taking a burden onto yourself which is unsustainable. Until you recognize that, you’ll blame her for being the problem.

What’s your compensating behavior in your relationship?

All these behaviors are a burden to you and they get even further compounded when you use a self-talk script of “I failed her.”

You can’t be powerful in relationship when you feel overwhelmed and burdened.

The first step to taking back your power is noticing your compensating behaviors and how they further compound your relationship challenges.

So the compensating behavior is not about her, it’s about you trying to heal a deep wound within yourself – be it neglect, abandonment, or some other form of abuse.

Noticing hooks and triggers is the start of you owning your shit and taking charge of it, instead of dumping it onto her with blame or judgment.

The next step is standing side-by-side with your partner, listening and loving, without offering too much advice, if any.

This means listening to her problems without taking it on as your problem but staying compassionate.

Do you want to let go of the burdens in your relationship?

Check out the video below for three quick tips on how to diminish the burden so that you can be in your power to create the marriage you want.

Let’s face it, we’re in a relationship to experience a richer and bigger life. If we feel burdened, weighted, or stressed frequently, our relationship suffers.

We are not achieving the mission of a bigger, richer life with a partner.

Note, this is different than the immature expectation of being completed or made whole by a partner.

This is a form of codependence and causes unhealthy relational dynamics.

How can you get healthy in your relationship today?

Take the first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out the Men’s Relationship Tools for free.

It’s also a great way to get to know me and see if my coaching style is a fit for you.

The post Get Past The Burden Of Feeling Like A Failure To Her appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Of course, this is because men are superficial and only care about the physical.

And if you believe that, then you know nothing about most men and you’re being superficial.

Time and again, I hear guys saying…

“She’s shut down.”

“I feel hopeless.”

“The challenges continue.”

Do you struggle with sex in your marriage?

Sex is such a big deal to guys not for the reason we typically think of. It’s not because he’s only interested in the physical.

A lack of sex in a relationship is about connection. It’s the most obvious sign that his wife is shut down to him.

It’s not just that he wants to get off or have a release.

The bigger issue is he doesn’t feel loved, accepted, and connected.

Do you feel unloved by your wife or partner?

It’s often been said that in relationship, a woman seeks to be adored and cherished. And a man wants to be respected and admired.

Through sexual intimacy, more than any other way, he feels those things.

And so if sex is lacking, he feels vacant and relationally impoverished.

Do you feel respected and admired in your relationship?

If you don’t, it’s easy for a man to feel rejected, angry, or depressed.

If that’s you, I feel you, brother. And I know it’s tough. I experienced those feelings for years in a sexually challenged marriage.

But my situation didn’t change until I got clear that being in victim mode was not serving me. While it felt good and I could be righteous about it, that didn’t get me to the sexually fulfilling relationship I ultimately wanted.

A relationship where I felt my partner’s love and admiration.

Instead of being at the mercy of your situation, use your energy to change it.

In the video below, discover three common reactions men have with sex challenges and how they can use their situation to create the sexually fulfilling marriage they seek.

In 15 years of coaching married men with sexless marriages, I’ve seen two types of men.

One is the man who stays stuck in inaction and the other is the guy who steps up his game to take action.

The second guy knows that to get a different outcome, he needs different input, different thoughts and beliefs about himself and his situation to create the marriage he seeks.

He puts himself in a position to create the marriage he wants, knows it’ll take some work and he’s willing to do the work.

He’s not just trying to make a bad thing go away but he’s committed to learning how that bad thing can be used towards creating something better, more powerful and more fulfilling for the benefit of himself, his kids, and yes, his wife.

Are you ready to use your sexless marriage to create the marriage you ultimately seek?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post What Your Sexless Marriage Can Teach You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

We’ve been together 12 years, says another.

We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy.

What do all these guys have in common?

All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages.

Passion. It often fades in a long-term relationship. Aliveness, a sense of a spark, excitement, connection, sex.

Guys want passion. Women want passion too. All humans want passion.

It seems to be this universal desire as if it’s a right of ours to have passion in our primary relationship.

People are saying to themselves, “I have a right to experience passion, to get out of the dead zone in my marriage, it’s killing me.”

And yet so many people struggle with attaining passion.

Do you lack passion in your relationship?

It’s one thing to want passion. It’s another to sabotage it. And so, often your desire for something else is sabotaging passion.

And that something else is… Can you guess what it is?

Drumroll, please…. It is comfort, safety, and security.

Too much safety, too much comfort kills passion. Passion grows out of uncertainty and risk.

Now don’t get me wrong, safety is critical as a baseline quality to any long-term relationship.

But most people have flatlined in their relationship precisely because somewhere down the road, they chose safety over passion.

They live in an inner script of….

Well, you know, she gets upset when I say the wrong word, so I don’t say anything anymore.

Or…

Yeah, she hates it when I ask for sex. I got tired of her rejecting me, so I stopped asking.

It’s safe to retreat or disengage. But it won’t get you the passion you seek in your relationship.

Do you choose safety over passion in your relationship?

If so, I get it, we need to be safe – emotionally, physically, psychologically – in a long-term relationship.

We need to feel that sense of a safe home in our partner. A place we can rest, experience calm, a sense of respite from the world. But again…

Too much safety leads to a flatlined, dead relationship.

So where are you willing to get unsafe in your relationship?

Maybe you’ve taken risks but they didn’t work out. Then, you just recoiled back into safety.

“I asked her out on a date night and she said no.”

“I tried to do that blindfold thing I’ve been fantasizing about, but she wouldn’t go for it.”

“I touched her on the inside of her arm like she asked me to and then she told me I did it wrong.”

Risks are important but the right risks are even more important.

Are you taking the right risks in your relationship, if any at all?

Risks that get you payoffs.

Risks that honor where you are and help you with the next step needed to move forward into passion.

Risks that won’t crush you if things go south.

Take the right risk at the right time and succeed. And then the next risk and the next.

Build a bridge of risks to get you across that river that’s been keeping you stuck on the shores of deadness.

Do you want to learn how to bring passion back into your marriage?

Check out the video below to discover how stepping into the right risks will bring the passion back to your relationship.

“The level of passion in your relationship is commensurate to the level of risk you’re willing to tolerate in your relationship,” Tony Robbins once said.

It’s a powerful statement that speaks precisely to why risk-averse individuals have no passion in their relationship.

It may be where you feel stuck right now.

Are you willing to take a risk right now?

If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to build your risk tolerance to bring passion back into your relationship.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

The post What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

And while he has a sense of what it means to be more “manly,” he wonders, how the hell can I be more manly when she’s stepping on my throat?

If he tries to get her off of him, things seem to just get worse. “Then, she really gets escalated,” he says. He’s confused.

He feels stuck and alone. He doesn’t feel comfortable talking to friends or family about it, fearing he’ll be burdening them with his problems. He’s not so sure what to do.

Are you struggling to know what to do about your marriage challenges?

So like many guys, William fills out a form on a coach’s website, figuring he has little to lose since the guy on the other end of the form doesn’t know much about him. And who knows, maybe he’ll even find some direction.

When a man has no one to talk to about his relationship challenges without fear of being weak, he creates a dangerous dynamic for himself and his relationship.

Heck, even just saying a sentence to a stranger on a machine helps with that lonely all-bottled-up feeling. This was true for William.

I get his form via email and I reply, asking him to elaborate further on the dynamic between him and his wife. In an exchange of several emails, he tells me his story.

Having coached men in challenged marriages for the last 15 years, I have a strong sense of what he’s going through. I went through it myself.

In his final email, he says he wants to jump on a Zoom call. On the scheduled day, I crank up the Zoom interface. He appears.

There’s a moment of intrigue for me, knowing his story but having no visual or auditory cues on him.

I honor a man’s courage to show up on an initial call with me. It’s brave for him to trust me, a stranger, with his story.

I see William as a man walking with courage and vulnerability at the same time.

After asking him some questions, I get to really understand his world, and then by the end of the call, turn it over to him to see if and what kind of action he wants to step into.

Somewhere in the middle of the call, I ask him a critical question that gives me a great sense of the world he’s living in. His response is what I see from 60% or more of the men I talk with.

I ask William, “Do you have friends or family members with whom you can share your marital problems?”

He scans his mental Rolodex of family members, siblings, friends, and others, and shakes his head.

Do you have others you can talk with about your relationship challenges without fear of burden or judgment?

“Ok,” I say, without judgment, just empathy.

Whether he knows it or not, when a man has no one to talk to about his problems besides his wife, he puts a huge burden on her.

William feels this. It’s part of why he’s reaching out to me. Still, the thought of sharing his challenges with others besides some stranger feels threatening. It might crack his wall of projected strength.

And yet to be an empowered relational man, that wall must be cracked. Over time, it becomes a healthy boundary instead—a place where he can honor his need for safety and his desire for strength.

But in the absence of safety or strength, both go into shadow. A dark place where neither is in strong supply. And his wife feels the absences.

Learn more about how to avoid this dangerous dynamic with your wife in the video below.

Going it alone in his life, William thought, was natural or “it’s just what we men do.”

He knew he was fortunate to have a wife with whom he could share his challenges. But he also acknowledged that when they were in conflict, she was no longer available to him, and then he had no one.

When a man isolates to just his partner for his emotional needs, he’s in what I call the “man cage.”

The danger of the “man cage” is that it can cause serious loneliness and isolation for a man, and at worst, suicidal thoughts.

Did you know that 60% of individuals reporting loneliness are married? And of that number, 80% are men.

Just by contacting me, William broke out of his “man cage.” In a few months, he broke even further out by joining with other men holding courage and vulnerability at the same time.

And that had huge dividends for him to show up more confidently in his marriage, to gently pull his wife’s foot off of his throat to breathe again, and create the loving marriage he wanted.

Are you ready to expand your support system to create the marriage you want?

If so, take the first step. Join a group of men tackling their relationship challenges head, online every Tuesday at 12pm ET on the Men’s Relationship Tools calls.

First call is free. Reach out via email to get a zoom link.

The post Avoid This Dangerous Dynamic With Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

A high-achieving executive, he crushed it at work but at home all his skills and talents fell flat.

His marriage was floundering and his wife was unhappy.

Do you get more validation at work than from your wife?

If you do, it would make sense that you might be avoidant at home.

Such was the case for Rick. He struggled to deal with his wife’s negativity.

At the same time, Rick’s wife felt abandoned.

So, she turned up the volume on her complaints of him.

Rick couldn’t help but notice.

Does your wife accuse you of not being what she needs you to be?

Rick had to confront what was going on at home.

On his own, he started trying to listen more. But more often than not, he just got an earful of complaints.

He wanted to fix the problem, get his wife off his back, and have more peace at home.

But whatever he did, his wife wasn’t having it.

As far as she was concerned, the damage was done, and there was no fixing it.

That’s when Rick and I started talking.

Does your wife bludgeon you with the past?

Rick wanted to just get his wife off his back. That was a top level approach.

I took him much deeper to ask him this question.

A question that allowed him to connect with the discord within himself of being a man who pretends to be a good guy trying to fix things at home, but really just wants peace for himself.

I asked him…

What is your soul asking of you in this relationship?

At first, Rick couldn’t grasp it. We had a talk about soul.

Soul is that part of you that wants you to be in integrity with yourself, wants you to get the love you deserve, wants you to not hide out or play small.

After a short while, a light bulb went off for Rick.

He got it that this was not just about his wife and her complaints. This was all calling him into a bigger version of himself.

To be a man of courage and integrity in his marriage.

This meant showing up out of care for his wife and his desire for a fulfilling marriage and not just to get her off his back.

With deeper work, he got to know himself and build the self-esteem to not take on her complaints about the past.

Instead, he chose to be accountable for what he had done prior and offer his wife an invitation into a new way of being together in the future.

Rick’s situation was asking for him to step into himself in a way that he didn’t even know was possible, to create the marriage he wanted.

What’s your soul asking of you in your relationship?

Most of what you can do for your marriage or relationship is work on yourself.

Transform who you’ve become in the relationship.

You change and then she’s much more likely to change.

Access the opportunity in your current relationship challenges.

Take the first step. Shoot me a quick email.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu

P.S. Join a group of men tackling their relationship challenges head-on, online every Tuesday at 12pm ET on the Men’s Relationship Tools calls.

First call is free. Reply to get a zoom link.

The post What’s Your Soul Asking Of You In Your Relationship? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

What a great thing – be it climbing the corporate ladder, pursuing her spiritual journey, or living in her freedom and autonomy.

At its best, the new landscape offers a woman many options in her life.

At its worst, she uses her independence to disconnect from her male partner.

She keeps him at a distance.

And at its most damaging, she dominates or abuses him.

Does your wife or partner dominate you?

If so, you may not have explicitly linked her independence to her disconnection from you.

But chances are you feel it inside of you. You feel it from her tone of voice, her unwillingness to get close to you.

Her behavior says, “I don’t need you.”

At worst, like many of my clients, your partner denies that you have any significant utility or purpose in her life.

And denying a man of his utility or purpose is a massive stripping of his power.

Does your wife or partner deny your value to her?

As men, we get our greatest relational value by knowing our worth to our partner.

Knowing we have purpose, worth, utility.

Knowing we are serving her and the family well.

Typically we do that through providing financially.

And yet it may not be recognized or fully valued by her.

Are you honored for what you contribute?

My client Jim worked a full-time executive job providing abundantly for his family.

And yet his wife consistently told him how he did not measure up, how he had no value in the family with his sons.

“You don’t know how to talk to the boys.”

“They don’t see you as an equal to me.”

“Nor do you show up for me emotionally.”

Jim was lost, confused.

“How’s that possible? I’m doing more and more everyday with my boys, with the house, with her. And still it’s never enough for her.”

Jim was desperate to show his worth to his wife.

And unfortunately that desperation only further affirmed his wife’s beliefs that he was not enough for her.

Do you feel like you’re not enough for your wife or partner?

If so, own this experience. Be honest with yourself that likely you could do better, could show up more.

But DO NOT put yourself at her mercy.

DO NOT put yourself in a one-down position with her.

A position where you can easily be dominated by her.

Do you feel one-down or dominated by your wife?

If so, in the video below learn three levels at which you can regain your power to turn around a “not enough” dynamic in your relationship.

For those short on time, I’ll give you a few headlines.

The first level is tactical… learning your self-worth, being able to set healthy boundaries.

Identifying your wants and needs to speak them relationally instead of transactionally (“if you do A then I’ll do B”).

The second level is… knowing what your emotions are telling you; this happens through two gateways.

The cognitive gateway to emotions extracts the memo an emotion seeks to communicate to you – i.e. fear is about safety, anger is about protection, joy is about love.

The heart gateway is… to feel emotions in your heart without falling apart, building resilience with fear and anger, knowing discomfort vs danger.

The third level is somatic… in the body, the energy behind the emotion and thoughts.

The natural intuitive intelligence of your animal body that western civilization has cut us off from.

Reclaim these three levels to stop being dominated or sidelined in your marriage or relationship.

Take the first step like Jim did. Shoot me a quick email.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu

P.S. Not ready to send an email?

Don’t isolate. Join a band of relational warriors – a small group of men – meeting online every Tuesday at 12pm ET on the Men’s Relationship Tools calls.

First call is free. Reply to get a zoom link.

The post 3 Ways To Stop Being Dominated By Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Joel says these words about his wife. He’s an eight-figure entrepreneur who doesn’t have these problems at work.

The problem is that at home Joel falls prey to his wife’s tactics. He justifies it, wanting to be a better man for her.

“And yet somewhere in my stomach, I get this knot that says it’s not OK the way she talks to me”

Does your wife talk to you in a condescending way?

Maybe like Joel, you feel like you’re stuck between wanting to do good for your wife AND feeling like she’s trying to pull your strings.

This is the number one thing women do that drives men crazy.

And not as in hot sexual crazy, but as in frustrated and confused crazy.

In the video below I talk about what wives do that drive men crazy and how to change it.

Anytime she says things that have you feeling like she’s trying to pull your strings, it is happening.

And that “it” is… simply put, manipulation.

Manipulation is trying to get you to act a certain way by guilting, inferring, or tearing you down.

Often, we don’t see it because she’s not even aware she’s doing it. This is called unconscious manipulation.

“She just wants me to be a better man,” Joel said initially.

“Fine,” I said. “Now she needs to be explicit with you with what that means and not just imply things.”

The opposite of manipulation is your wife directly asking for what she wants.

And the best thing you can do to help her with this is to call her out when she’s not doing it.

After 2 months of coaching, Joel did just that.

He said to his wife, “Love, I hear you’re upset that I forgot to take out the trash last night. Telling me you can’t trust me doesn’t help. Instead, tell me what you want moving forward and why it’s important to you.”

Develop your samurai powers to see manipulation clearly.

Regain your power and cut through her shadowy tactics to control you, in service to improving your marriage.

Stop manipulation in your marriage or relationship right now. Shoot me a quick email.

The post #1 Thing Wives Do That Drives Men Crazy appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Brené Brown speaks about it often.

Specifically, how it’s important to “embrace your vulnerability.”

Why bother? Why be vulnerable with your wife?

Well, if your marriage is on the rocks, pay attention.

90% of divorces in college-educated couples are initiated by the wife. Yes, a staggering number.

Her number one reason for divorce is the belief that her husband is emotionally checked out.

Successful men, like you, who are so busy kicking ass at work.

But at home, they have no idea how to open their hearts.

Does your wife complain that you’re emotionally unavailable? She doesn’t feel your heart?

If yes, vulnerability offers a pathway to avoiding the divorce scenario mentioned above.

In this moment, she’s asking herself – What’s the point of being married to him if I can’t experience his heart?

And so, the quickest way to your heart is through your vulnerability.

That means speaking your fears. Explicitly your fears regarding your wife and your marriage.

“I’m afraid our marriage won’t last.”

“I’m scared that we’re on the brink of divorce.”

“I fear being vulnerable with you.”

Not very manly, is it?

And yet nothing could be further from the truth. It’s a paradox.

On the surface, it can seem whimpy to expose your vulnerabilities to your wife.

Especially if you’re a guy who’s getting beat up verbally, emotionally, and sexually.

You may be asking yourself…

Why would I open my heart to her the way she treats me?

If so, let’s get clear, brother, that’s a wise voice. Pay attention to it.

It’s your inner voice of safety and self-protection.

It’s saying clearly to you… Hey man, I don’t feel safe with you sharing your heart with her.

That’s valid. The key is how to use that voice as an advisor and not a master.

When your voice of self-protection is your master, it shuts down all vulnerability and you become emotionally unavailable to her.

Typically this is an overreaction, unless there’s clear signs of abuse.

A more balanced reaction would be to get clear that you don’t feel safe and then take responsibility for your emotional safety, instead of blaming it on her.

So how do you share vulnerability with your wife?

In the video below, discover the right way to be vulnerable with your wife so that you don’t step on a land mine with her.

There is a right and wrong way to do vulnerability. Few guys are coached on this.

The right way honors your need to be safe and heard instead of blamed.

And it honors your need to be an autonomous man, meaning you don’t expect her to rescue you or make you ok, like a little boy wanting mommy to make him ok. No man wants that.

Master your needs and you’ll know how to be vulnerable and stay in your power at the same time.

Once you do that, you’ll become the man she’ll never leave.

The man she’s dying to get to know.

Are you ready to become a strong vulnerable man who’s irresistible to his wife?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post The Right Way To Be Vulnerable With Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.