My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion.

I brought my A-game to the conversation. I listened and I was patient. Really tuned into her ideas. I offered what I thought were some solid suggestions. With little thought, she shot them all down.

She then proceeded to tell me that she was going to spend twice what I had proposed because I was being cheap and our son deserved more.

Does your wife ask for your opinion and then ignore it?

In the moment, I thought, Why are you even asking me for my opinion? What was the point of this conversation?

And so I resigned myself thinking, She doesn´t listen to me. She doesn´t value my opinion. She can never be wrong.

But I knew better than to speak those thoughts out loud. Dare I risk conflict with her? And especially during the holidays when I knew for the sake of my son, I had to be on my best behavior.

I remember that moment because it was then that I realized I was hiding out to avoid conflict. I didn´t have the guts or the skills to be honest with her. It gnawed at me. I hated the man I’d become. Needless to say, it was a rough holiday season.

Are you happy with the man you’ve become in your marriage?

In our twenties, I remember that my wife would listen. She was open to my thoughts and opinions. In fact, that was one of the things that I loved about her. She respected my intelligence. She loved my ideas when it came to the holidays.

And then in our thirties, something shifted. Our son was born. Like any new mom, she got anxious. Every time my son cried, her nervous system went into high alert.

That´s when I started orienting around her well-being. I wanted her to be ok. Being a good guy meant making sure my wife and son were ok.

But in the process, I started feeling like a second-class citizen in my own home. I started feeling like she always had to be right. She could never be wrong.

Can your partner rarely admit to being wrong?

It was as if my wife’s intelligence trumped mine – about everything.

Which school my son should go to. What we should do when he was misbehaving. Where we should buy his clothes. What we should do for the holidays.

And then it trickled over to us.

How I was not showing up for her. That I was working too much. That I didn’t help around the house. That she didn´t feel like I was on her team.

And over time, I just threw my hands up. I thought, I’m done arguing with this woman. It’s easier to just let her be right all the time.

Do you let your wife be right all the time?

Over time, it´s easy to feel like you have nothing to contribute after you’ve been shot down time and again for years.

Then one day, you realize you´ve lost who you are. You realize you have no opinions. You don´t care about what´s for dinner, what sofa gets bought, or what you do for the holidays.

And maybe like me, you even wake up, scared in the middle of the night, realizing, “I don´t know who I am anymore. This woman has dominated me, crushed the life out of me.”

Have you lost who you are in your marriage?

You may even ask yourself, Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?

It’s a crossroads for a lot of guys. But we don´t realize it´s also a major opportunity for us to reclaim the self-confidence and courage that we´ve lost.

To rebuild our backbone. Reclaim our wants and needs. And cut through her emotionality with clarity.

Reject a world where she´s never wrong. And create one where your opinions matter.

To step into integrity and be the man you want to be in your marriage. To create kick-ass holidays where you don’t just feel like wallpaper.

That was the vision of who I wanted to be. The guy I wanted to model for my son.

And that´s the man I became. And you can too. Meet that man in the video below.

Are you choosing the status quo over aliveness in your marriage?

Every day that you hide, retreat, or withdraw in your relationship is a day that you betray yourself. You think it’s the status quo. You think it’s peace.

But silently you are deepening the roots of a marriage in which you play small.

At the end of the day, most of us guys want a few simple things in marriage. Trust, acceptance, connection, sex, and the ability to relax and love his wife.

And yet instead, most of us agree to a world where our wife can never be wrong.

Being a confident and capable man in your relationship is not as hard as it seems. Yes, it’s work. I won’t B.S. you.

But when you step in, make it a priority, and do it with a group of guys doing the same, it’s transformational and dare I say, even fun.

Do you want to make this the most fulfilling holiday season in years?

Get your relational chops tuned up just before the holidays.

Go into the holidays with clarity, confidence, and boldness, instead of just dragging yourself into the new year. Check out two ways below to do so.

One, if you´re on the brink of divorce, be the best man you can be for your kids and family this holiday season. In a quick chat by email or a call, I´ll help you stay strong this holiday season.

And second, if you´re committed to your marriage, check out The Men’s Relationship Tools and…

• Learn simple strategies for the holidays to be COOL & COLLECTED with your partner.
• Discover how not to TRIP UP when she wants to break the bank this holiday.
• Set yourself up to go into 2022 as a new you, a CONFIDENT & BOLD man in relationship.

The post It’s The Holidays & My Wife Can Never Be Wrong appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“It’s your job to make her happy.”

“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

No doubt you’ve heard one or all of these expressions. Maybe one of these voices lives in your head.

How do you make your wife happy?

Every month I talk to guys who approach their marriage as a “wife happy-making” endeavor.

They realize they’re not happy. So they go with this belief…

If I can make her happy then I can be happy.

Do you prioritize your wife’s happiness over your own?

If so, I honor your intention to be selfless, to be a good man, to put your wife first.

But I will also add it’s disingenuous. Meaning you’re not being honest.

You have an ulterior motive; and that is your own happiness.

Do you try to meet your wife’s needs to get her to meet yours?

Let’s be clear, this is classic human nature. There’s no shame in having an ulterior motive.

That’s part of what makes us human. We are constantly scanning the landscape of our lives to see what we can get and where we can get it.

But until we acknowledge this, we will do the sideways game of seeking our own happiness through our partner’s.

What if you just went directly after what you want?

First, you’re more likely to get it. And second, you’ll be less frustrated.

The first way to do so is to call out the old pattern of trying to make her happy. And get clear on the disingenuity of it. Read this next sentence twice if necessary.

Nobody can make anyone happy.

Sure, you can offer acts of kindness or loving words in a moment.

But you can’t make anyone happy on a long-term basis.

Her happiness is her responsibility.

That means she, just like you, has to get clear on her authentic wants and needs and advocate for them in a relational manner.

Screaming, complaining, cutting you down is not relational. Nor is walking out, avoiding, withdrawing, or stonewalling.

If this is your reality with your partner, check out how to stop old and unhealthy patterns.

So how can you be happy if she’s not happy?

In the video below, learn to claim your own well-being in relationship without putting her needs above your own.

And so, ask yourself another question, beyond how do I make my wife happy.

A question that brings you to the third entity of the “we.” Beyond you and beyond her.

A place for you both to do the work to meet in between.

How do you create a kick-ass relationship?

Dive deeper. Shoot me a quick email. Let’s jump on a 15 minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can benefit you.

Or join me on the next Men’s Relationship Tools weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for any man to get relationship support, for only $67/month.

The post How Do You Make Your Wife Happy? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Just hearing all this makes my stomach cringe. To be married to a woman laden with problems is overwhelming for a guy.

Often his natural response is to take on the burden of her unhappiness and compound it by feeling like a failure if he can’t help her make things better.

Do you take on the burden of your wife’s problems?

An immature woman will blame a man for not perfectly supporting her or making things better.

A mature woman will take responsibility for her situation. She will notice her mindset, her attitude, and her projections.

Note, this is not easy and takes a lot of work to gain this level of maturity, for men and women.

To be honest, many of my clients are in a relationship with an immature woman. And to be clear, this doesn’t mean she’s to blame for your relationship problems.

What’s more important to look at is how you enable her immaturity and take it on as your problem to solve.

Do you enable immature behavior in your wife?

Enabling happens in many different ways, such as fixing, pleasing, rescuing. Anything that you would do to try to “make her better.”

I know this dynamic firsthand as it’s been my own personal dynamic in relationship. As a coach, I can go into classic fixer behavior.

But the problem is that when I do the fixer bit, my partner becomes a burden to me, to such an extent that I can lose my shit and want to push the eject button.

And then I become untrustworthy.

If you’re acting from a compensating behavior such as a pleaser, fixer, or rescuer, you’re taking a burden onto yourself which is unsustainable. Until you recognize that, you’ll blame her for being the problem.

What’s your compensating behavior in your relationship?

All these behaviors are a burden to you and they get even further compounded when you use a self-talk script of “I failed her.”

You can’t be powerful in relationship when you feel overwhelmed and burdened.

The first step to taking back your power is noticing your compensating behaviors and how they further compound your relationship challenges.

So the compensating behavior is not about her, it’s about you trying to heal a deep wound within yourself – be it neglect, abandonment, or some other form of abuse.

Noticing hooks and triggers is the start of you owning your shit and taking charge of it, instead of dumping it onto her with blame or judgment.

The next step is standing side-by-side with your partner, listening and loving, without offering too much advice, if any.

This means listening to her problems without taking it on as your problem but staying compassionate.

Do you want to let go of the burdens in your relationship?

Check out the video below for three quick tips on how to diminish the burden so that you can be in your power to create the marriage you want.

Let’s face it, we’re in a relationship to experience a richer and bigger life. If we feel burdened, weighted, or stressed frequently, our relationship suffers.

We are not achieving the mission of a bigger, richer life with a partner.

Note, this is different than the immature expectation of being completed or made whole by a partner.

This is a form of codependence and causes unhealthy relational dynamics.

How can you get healthy in your relationship today?

Take the first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out the Men’s Relationship Tools for free.

It’s also a great way to get to know me and see if my coaching style is a fit for you.

The post Get Past The Burden Of Feeling Like A Failure To Her appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Why don’t you take me seriously?”

“You don’t listen.”

Does your wife say any of these things to you?

It’s not uncommon for a guy to hear something similar from his wife. And there’s a good reason why.

As men, we often struggle to keep up with our partner’s words. We feel like she’s verbose and talking circles around us.

“She uses a thousand words when a simple and concise articulation would suffice,” my client Robert, an investment advisor, said to me recently.

Over 15 years of coaching married men, I’ve seen it time and again that guys feel their head spinning trying to keep up their wives’ words.

Part of that is that the neurochemical makeup of the male brain versus the female brain, which gives her an advantage when it comes to verbal communication.

Do you struggle to keep up with your wife’s words?

Neurological research posits that the male brain is wired in a different way than the female brain.

This is from the article Male and Female Brains: Are they wired differently?

“Women are better at attention, word memory and social cognition, and verbal abilities.

“Men are better at spatial processing and sensorimotor speed.”

In a nutshell, the female brain is more expansive and adept with words.

Often this can be used against men, especially in the media, labeling us as dummies.

And yet, that might be true for the dude who doesn’t try to use his words or listen well.

But if you’re reading this, you’re not that guy.

Chances are you’re a regular guy like me who is intelligent and still struggles to keep up with her words.

You give it your best shot. You listen well. And still it’s not enough for her.

It’s enough to keep a guy lost and confused.

Does she tell you that you don’t listen?

A lot of times we are listening and we’re just trying to find a way to help her get past whatever she’s talking about.

We’re essentially trying to fix her, so things can be ok, to limit the verbal assault, so that she can chill out.

It’s a way of trying to access the crux of her words to keep the peace.

You may have seen this parody of a guy trying to not fix his female partner in the nail in the head video.

Do you try to fix your wife?

Even if you said no, and thought that yes, you really try to hear her out, sometimes it still might not be enough for her.

In the video below, check out how my client Robert stood strong, and you can too, after he was dismissed by his wife for not listening…even though he was.

Are you struggling with a verbose partner?

Do you struggle to keep up with her words?

Do you get beat up for it?

If you answered yes, let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out the Men’s Relationship Tools for free.

It’s a great way to see what coaching can offer you.

The post She Says I Don’t Listen appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Baby,” he says, “I work 10 hours a day, I do everything I can for us to have a good life.”

“Yes, that’s fine,” she says. “But I don’t feel like you love me.”

“What did I do wrong?” He asks her.

“Nothing,” she says.

Do you struggle to understand how you failed your wife?

If so, just know that there are millions of men who are in the same boat as you.

In his seminal book many years ago “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” John Gray spoke to this.

He explained a core difference between men and women and how they show love.

Essentially, he said men and women have different brains.

Men are logical. Women are emotional.

And yes, it can often feel like we are on two different planets.

Do you try to understand your wife logically?

If so, there you go, that’s part of the problem.

Due to a lack of advanced emotional intelligence in many of us men, we often ignore emotions and instead attempt to show our love through logic. We try to fix things.

Do you try to serve your wife by fixing and it often backfires?

A guy’s inner script typically goes like this – Tell me the problem and let me use my superior rational powers to make things better, sweetie.

He uses his rational powers at work all the time – in law, finance, business, engineering, science – and it pays off, but not at home.

“Well, then the other day,” Dave continues. “She said that she wanted me to take care of the food for the party, and then when I came home with everything, she got upset at me.

“I asked her why, and she says, oh because I didn’t do it right.

“Baby, I got everything you asked me for. I even had a list.” He scratches his head, mystified.

“That’s not the point,” his wife says. “Three people canceled and now we’ll have too much food.”

“Wait a minute, love. Is this about you being upset for me not getting the right food at the market or about people not coming tonight?”

“Why do you have to argue with me?” She says.

Dave has that “I can never win” look on his face.

And then it goes downhill from there.

Do you struggle to understand your wife?

Well, if so, consider Dave’s story. Maybe it’s yours too. Clearly, there were some illogical things going on.

Logically, Dave got it right, and maybe you do too, but still emotionally he’s on another planet and can’t see what his wife really needs.

Do you want to figure out what your wife really needs?

If so, check out the video below to see how your logic spins you into a place of helplessness with her and what to do instead.

“Dave,” I say, after he’s done telling me about the party incident. “Her upset wasn’t about you.”

“But why did it come out on me?” He asks. “I try to do my best for her and nothing seems like enough.”

“Emotions, Dave. Emotions. Tune into her emotions.

“Start learning her language. Decode her.

“She’ll pivot from food shopping to guests cancelling in a micro-second. And you’ll be left in the dust on the food shopping.

“She was upset about the guests, not you.”

“But…” he says. “It shouldn’t have come out on me.”

“I know, it seems unfair. But this is your chance to man up.”

“Try this, Dave,” I continue. “Say this to yourself.

“Her emotions came out on me. It wasn’t about me. I can be there for her.

“And I can say, I’m sorry, sweetie, that people cancelled. Let’s still do our best to have fun together.”

Hmmm… Dave looks up, thinking. He’s struggling to buy it.

“Ok, I’ll do my best,” he says. He gets it.

Changing his marriage is more important than being right.

In the weeks to come, Dave starts implementing and things improve dramatically with his wife.

Do you want to learn how to decode your wife’s emotions so you can experience less frustration and more joy?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. Men or women who want to learn more about men (that’s right, I am coaching women now).

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post Why Her Emotions Frustrate You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

There are two times in his life when a man doesn’t understand women. Before marriage and after marriage.

True or false? Funny or tragic? You decide.

For me, it tends towards the tragic. That’s due to the depth of suffering I see in men struggling to understand their female partners.

When that partner is your wife, it speaks to a lifelong struggle to understand the one person you’ve committed to in marriage.

Do you struggle to understand your wife?

If so, you might fall into thoughts of…

She can never be happy. I can’t seem to do anything right.

It’s as if your wife is a mystery puzzle that you can’t unlock until you give up altogether and say, “F*#% It.”

What if you could really understand your wife?

It’s actually not rocket science. The answer is right in front of you.

You see, there’s a way that women give us the clarity we seek up front with their words, their complaints, and their upsets.

But we don’t receive the transmission. We are unable to decipher what’s implied within her words.

Instead, we stay trapped in how we failed or what we didn’t do right. We personalize her words. We make it about our self and our failure.

Do you feel like you’ve failed in your marriage?

When we make her complaints about our self, we miss the first step in decoding what’s really underneath those complaints.

We miss the fact that her unhappiness is about her. It’s about how she feels upset, helpless or unsafe. It’s not about you or your failure.

She might say it’s about you – you don’t understand me, you don’t see me, you don’t put the dishes in the sink – but underneath is an opportunity to see through her words to understand what’s really going on with her.

This is called cultivating Jedi vision. Yeah, you know, like Yoda seeing. To see what she can’t see.

Would you like to see what your wife can’t?

If so, check out the video below in which I speak to how to decode your wife’s complaints to get at what she’s really asking of you.

In truth, many men don’t care if they understand their wife. It’s just a means to something else – peace.

Think of the guy who says he just wants to be left alone. This is the lazy man’s version of peace. When it happens, he lives a lonely, disconnected life with an absent partner.

Well, here’s the straight up truth. Understanding her is the pathway to peace and more – love, respect, trust, and unwavering connection.

Do you want love, respect, trust, and connection in your marriage?

If so, here’s an invitation to get out of yourself. Release the burden of holding her upset. To get free to really understand her – yes, even if it stings.

An invitation to learn to absorb the sting, brush it off, and become a caring, assertive, and vulnerable warrior she’s awed by.

Are you ready to become the man she seeks?

If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to really understand your wife to build a better marriage.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship Tools where I am helping men step into action to enhance sex, passion, trust, and confidence in their relationship.

The post One Way To Really Understand Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

He is like many men I talk with. His wife is distant, and emotionally cold. Intimacy in his marriage is lacking.

Lack of sex in a marriage is a big deal to many men. And of course, to many women as well. But it tends to come up more with men.

Jacob wasn’t having sex with his wife often. As a result, he was hungry for it. And over time, he felt needy and even desperate.

Is your sex life lacking with your wife?

If so, like Jacob, maybe you pursue strategies to get more intimacy. Sometimes, even unconsciously.

Jacob did a lot of kind and nice things for his wife. He loved her and he wanted to make her happy. He wanted things to be good with her.

But underneath his good intentions, he wanted something in return. Something he feared asking for.

Jacob made an internal bargain that said… if I can help her get her needs met, then maybe she’ll meet mine.

Do you unconsciously bargain for your needs with your wife?

“So what are those needs of yours?” I ask Jacob.

“Ummm,” he pauses. He’s not sure how to answer.

I help him out and go straight to the point.

“Is it sex?” I say.

He smiles like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Yes, sex. Is that so terrible? I mean, for god’s sake, she’s my wife. I do so much for her… and…”

A story of a desperate man pours forth. I have empathy for him. I was there myself in a 25-year marriage.

“She’s always so busy, with the house, the kids, her mom, her job, and then I come last.”

Do you feel like sex is last on your wife’s list?

Jacob wants to justify himself and his needs. But that’s not necessary.

More than justifying, I want him to know he still has power. He can actually use his desperation to get back into his strength.

A man’s desperation for sex sabotages his sex life with his partner. It is a form of sex repellent to her.

It’s through his power that Jacob will get the love he seeks, not by groveling for sex or being needy.

Over the course of our conversation, desperation spills forth in other ways.

Jacob is not just desperate for sex. He’s desperate for touch. Desperate for attention. Desperate for affection.

Do you seek more touch and affection with your wife?

In the absence of touch and affection, it’s easy for a man to lose his power, focusing solely on the lack in his lower region.

“Do you feel needy with your wife?” I ask.

He pauses. Again, he doesn’t want to admit what is obvious.

“Not so much needy,” he says. “But more like invisible and angry.”

Okay, subtle distinction. Let’s call a spade a spade. Jacob was feeling needy.

And his neediness was a turn off to his wife. She felt like she was with a little boy, not a man. That drove Jacob nuts.

Is needy behavior sabotaging your sex life?

I point out the neediness to him. He concedes to it.

“Yes, I feel needy. But she….”

I pause him. I turn the tables, to see how neediness on his wife’s part would attract him.

“So what do I do with these desperate feelings?” Jacob asks me.

In the video below, see what I told Jacob – how to go from desperation to being in charge of your sex life in your marriage.

Are you in a sexless marriage?

Do you sometimes feel desperate sexually?

If so, then there’s a good chance that you are repelling your partner’s sexuality.

That’s right, without even knowing it, you may be wearing… god forbid… sex repellant.

To help you get clarity on how to command your sex life again, let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to revitalize your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is an act of courage.

*Jacob is a fictional name used for client confidentiality.

The post Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife? appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Sometimes, you even feel like you’re at the mercy of it. You want it now.

But you know you can’t demand it.

You know that demanding will just make it more likely that you won’t get it.

Besides, she’s an autonomous independent being.

What is it?

Sex. Of course.

It’s a big deal for us guys.

It’s often the most direct way that we feel love from our wife or partner.

Without sex, things just don’t feel right in the marriage or relationship.

It often feels as if… you are not right. You feel rejection.

A sense of her not being willing to receive you literally, physically, and, of course, emotionally.

Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship?

If so, I have an invitation for you.

To go deeper. To go to what you already know. A painful knowing which takes courage to confront.

The knowing that she’s shut down on you sexually.

And to be willing to learn the deeper causes of why she’s shut down on you.

And to know that it’s a manifestation of how she’s closed on a deeper level, emotionally.

You may have heard the expression, the key to her heart is…”___”

Fill in the blank. Trust, respect, love, emotion, safety….

What about the key to her vagina?

Well, you may have guessed it.

The key to her vagina is her heart.

There are actual nerves that connect her heart and vagina.

So how did her heart shut down on you?

Watch the video below to discover the 3 R’s – resentment, reclusion, and repair – that are key to understanding the deeper root causes of a sexless marriage and what to do about it.

Her heart shut down at some point in your relationship because she felt unsafe talking to you about things.

It could’ve been an incident that happened many years ago.

It could be something you did several weeks ago that reinforced an old story she tells herself.

A story that she’s not safe with you.

These are all deeper root causes of a sexless marriage. It does not just happen overnight.

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

I applaud you for your courage. For your commitment to give it your best shot.

You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post The Deeper Root Causes Of A Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Brené Brown speaks about it often.

Specifically, how it’s important to “embrace your vulnerability.”

Why bother? Why be vulnerable with your wife?

Well, if your marriage is on the rocks, pay attention.

90% of divorces in college-educated couples are initiated by the wife. Yes, a staggering number.

Her number one reason for divorce is the belief that her husband is emotionally checked out.

Successful men, like you, who are so busy kicking ass at work.

But at home, they have no idea how to open their hearts.

Does your wife complain that you’re emotionally unavailable? She doesn’t feel your heart?

If yes, vulnerability offers a pathway to avoiding the divorce scenario mentioned above.

In this moment, she’s asking herself – What’s the point of being married to him if I can’t experience his heart?

And so, the quickest way to your heart is through your vulnerability.

That means speaking your fears. Explicitly your fears regarding your wife and your marriage.

“I’m afraid our marriage won’t last.”

“I’m scared that we’re on the brink of divorce.”

“I fear being vulnerable with you.”

Not very manly, is it?

And yet nothing could be further from the truth. It’s a paradox.

On the surface, it can seem whimpy to expose your vulnerabilities to your wife.

Especially if you’re a guy who’s getting beat up verbally, emotionally, and sexually.

You may be asking yourself…

Why would I open my heart to her the way she treats me?

If so, let’s get clear, brother, that’s a wise voice. Pay attention to it.

It’s your inner voice of safety and self-protection.

It’s saying clearly to you… Hey man, I don’t feel safe with you sharing your heart with her.

That’s valid. The key is how to use that voice as an advisor and not a master.

When your voice of self-protection is your master, it shuts down all vulnerability and you become emotionally unavailable to her.

Typically this is an overreaction, unless there’s clear signs of abuse.

A more balanced reaction would be to get clear that you don’t feel safe and then take responsibility for your emotional safety, instead of blaming it on her.

So how do you share vulnerability with your wife?

In the video below, discover the right way to be vulnerable with your wife so that you don’t step on a land mine with her.

There is a right and wrong way to do vulnerability. Few guys are coached on this.

The right way honors your need to be safe and heard instead of blamed.

And it honors your need to be an autonomous man, meaning you don’t expect her to rescue you or make you ok, like a little boy wanting mommy to make him ok. No man wants that.

Master your needs and you’ll know how to be vulnerable and stay in your power at the same time.

Once you do that, you’ll become the man she’ll never leave.

The man she’s dying to get to know.

Are you ready to become a strong vulnerable man who’s irresistible to his wife?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post The Right Way To Be Vulnerable With Your Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

They say things like…

“I don’t feel close to my wife.”

“I’m not happy with my marriage.”

“I don’t feel like I can meet her needs.”

Do you struggle to meet your partner’s needs?

When it comes to your partner’s needs, I offer a huge distinction in the video below that helps most men.

Here’s the headline, in case you don’t have time to watch it.

It’s knowing the difference between needs and neediness.

Having needs looks like …

“Babe, the best way you can love me is to give me the benefit of the doubt.”

No demands. No accusations. Just a request. And then you see where she can meet you.

Neediness, on the other hand, looks like…

“You’re not enough for me.”

“You don’t meet my needs.”

“You never do… A or B.”

Fill in the blank. You likely have your own version of this.

Simply put, when stuck in a neediness loop, your partner is desperate and scared, expecting you to fill something in her.

Do you experience neediness from your wife?

If so, it’s important to notice if in response, you experience neediness yourself.

The need to be enough for her.

To not let her down.

To not fail her.

Or do you shut down any needs in the face of all the volume about her needs?

Either way, the most important thing is to notice the impact of her neediness on you. That’s key to maintaining your inner strength.

What happens to you when you feel your wife’s neediness?

In those moments, you likely feel like…

She’s too much.

Her needs are endless.

You’re not strong enough for her.

And that last one can be a blow to your ego as a man wanting to be strong for his woman.

Do you struggle to be strong for your wife?

If so, it’s critical that you acknowledge to yourself the impact of her neediness on you.

That’s the first step.

It means not being sucked down the rabbit hole of her neediness.

And simultaneously… stay compassionate to her as well.

She’s struggling. She needs you to be empathic to her struggle without being wrecked by it.

If you can notice the impact on you and stay compassionate to her, you will be that strong man you seek to be.

And you won’t feel like you’re at the mercy of her neediness.

To take a much deeper dive into how to stay strong and compassionate in the face of your partner’s neediness, check out this video below.

Let’s face it, brother. Her neediness is just a cry for help.

And until you’re able to take care of yourself, her neediness will feel like a black hole.

So, my invitation to you is to up-level yourself and your relational game.

Then you can be the strong and loving man you seek to be for yourself, your woman, and your kids.

Are you ready to finally be free of her neediness?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post How To Deal With A Needy Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.