I washed dinner dishes at the sink in our family dream home, as I did most nights, trying to be a good guy, to support my wife who had chronic illness.

I was that guy.

Do you prioritize your wife’s well-being over your own happiness?

I did. And having done it for more than a decade, after many poor attempts to change it, I had hit a wall.

I knew things had to change this time. It was a moment of fierce clarity. And scary as hell with the truth smashing me in the face.

Still, I listened to what was calling me. And clarity pierced confusion.

Are you clear on the future of your marriage?

Clarity regarding the future of your marriage can be elusive. The unknown can be daunting. Your head spins with questions like…

Can I go on like this? What will happen to us? The kids? Will we make it through this?

And still, there is the knowing that something has to change.

Not stepping up to the call for change, whether that’s re-negotiating the contract of your marriage or uncoupling lovingly, has a cost all its own.

What’s the cost of staying stuck in your marriage?

There’s a huge difference between knowing that you need to make a change versus actually acting on that knowledge.

But how? How do you act on that knowledge?

Often what stops us is not knowing how.

Maybe you’ve tried couples therapy, individual therapy, or some online course, but you’re still stuck.

How do you get unstuck to create change in your marriage?

I’ll tell you how. It’s what every top performer knows. It might be something you already practice at work.

It’s not just about knowledge. It’s not just about squashing the unknowns. Nor hiring the right guy.

It’s about something else. And often we need to hit a wall to get there. We need to bottom out.

Have you bottomed out in your marriage?

Something big hit me that day at the kitchen sink. It’s something I teach men, and more and more women I work with these days.

Something said to me, “If you keep betraying yourself for her, you will die, and you’ll not only be worthless to her, but to your son and yourself as well.”

It was a moment when the fear of betraying myself superseded the fear of betraying my wife. I knew I could no longer prioritize her happiness over my own.

And it gave me a superpower to create change. One that I help my clients cultivate. An energy. A conviction.

A commitment to step into change fully until the job is done. To stop the half-assed, conditional approaches of the past.

Are you ready to step all in to make changes in your marriage?

There’s a place of knowing and an energy, from which a man creates the life and relationship he seeks. Where he is committed to wise and right action.

And that action is embodied in an archetype. Embodied – meaning it’s in the gut, the balls, the heart.

It’s an energy within, an inner paradigm of behavior that has been in our mythology for thousands of years. And that is The Warrior, explicitly the Healthy Warrior.

In a relationship, the Healthy Warrior who is in right action is the guy who self-advocates respectfully, creates healthy boundaries, and stays in alignment with his wants and needs.

He doesn’t abandon these things in order to make his wife happy.

A great side benefit is that when he does this, he also becomes a better father – more alive, more skilled, and more resourced for his kids.

Do you betray yourself for your wife and kids?

The Healthy Warrior says, “I won’t betray myself for you because it doesn’t benefit me, nor does it benefit you.”

“True to self is good for others,” a mentor once said to me.

Are you true to yourself?

In the initial stages of change, things can get a bit messy, that’s what I call the “rocking the boat” stage.

This is where it’s really important for a man to have guidance.

To learn how to rock the boat in a way that advocates for a healthy relationship, be it through marriage or yes, even divorce, instead of tearing down the relationship.

In the video below, learn 3 KEY WAYS to access your Healthy Warrior in your marriage to be true to yourself and good to the ones you love.

But let’s face it. A lot of guys are fearful of anything even associated with a warrior. They have images of violence and pain, which is the warrior we typically see in the media.

What if instead the warrior within you was the guy who could make things right?

The Healthy Warrior gives you access to a powerful part of yourself to create the life and marriage you seek.

You see when you’re in that scary place known as the victim.

You know not to betray yourself for your wife’s happiness.

And you refuse to stay stuck, knowing it’s a disservice to you, your kids, and the people you love.

Are you ready to create the change you seek in your marriage?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

Connect with a bunch of powerful guys playing big in their marriages in my next Men’s Relationship School session (formerly Men’s Relationship Tools) this Tuesday at 12pm ET.

And for daily relationship tips and action items, join my private men’s only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.

The post Do You Prioritize Your Wife’s Happiness Over Your Own Well-Being? appeared first on Stuart Motola.