The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body.

You want to have more sex than your wife.

Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex.

It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a man, for crying out loud. You have needs.

You feel most loved, admired, and respected when your partner is open to you sexually.

When that door shuts, it’s as if you’re left stranded on a desert island without food or water. You feel starved.

At worst, it can cause you to feel desperate, in pain, and even lose hope in your relationship.

True or false? You feel most connected emotionally with your partner when you feel connected sexually.

And yet you can be shamed for this. You hear things from her (or as a client recently told me, from his female therapist) like…

“All you care about is sex.”

“You’re a cliché man.”

“I’m not your sexual object.”

Do you want more sex than your wife?

In today’s culture, it’s easy for you to feel shamed for your desires.

Hell, you might even be saying to yourself, I’m a good guy. It’s not like I’m hiring a prostitute or having an affair. It’s my wife, for cryin’ out loud.

(And no shame on those guys who are having affairs or hiring prostitutes. I’m not in the moral judgment business but in the business of understanding unmet human needs and how to bring them back into integrity.)

It can feel like a life sentence when you want more sex than your wife.

I know. I lived it for many years in my marriage.

Sometimes I thought it was god’s cruel joke that she needed to connect emotionally before becoming sexual, all the while it was the opposite for me.

Do you struggle with the emotional-sexual divide in your marriage?

It can feel like a bit of a cluster fuck. You want to figure it out.

And in the process of trying to do so, you feel damned if you act on it and damned if you don’t.

Of course, the internet has all kinds of tips – talk to her about it, get it out in the open, make her feel loved, and on and on.

And yet in trying to implement, it’s easy to face plant and get even more frustrated.

How have you attempted to solve your sexual challenges?

Most guys try one of the four below.

A. Attempt to do everything to make her happy and score points so she’ll open up to you sexually.
(That was my strategy)

B. Ignore it and make the best of it.

C. Use porn and live in fantasies.

D. Get attention at a massage parlor or strip club.

How do you deal with wanting more sex than your wife?

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The lack of sexual fulfillment is on the top level, a symptom.

Underneath are a bunch of other problems.

And to be candid, these may very well be problems in your marriage that you may not want to deal with.

Frankly, it might feel like too much work. And if that’s so, that’s great information.

It helps you get clear on where you want to put your energy, and what your higher priorities are.

You get to decide how you want to do you.

But if you effectively deal with those deeper problems, you’re in a much greater position to create the sexually fulfilling marriage that you seek.

Do you like your sex life as it is or do you want to create something better?

Check out the video below to work on the deeper problems stopping you from creating the sexually fulfilling marriage you seek.

Sex is primal. And at the same time, after years of marriage, we can lose access to that primal energy.

Sex can become mundane.

When there’s no aliveness in you and your life, it makes perfect sense that you’ll experience deadness in the bedroom.

Without curiosity and variety, things flatline in relationship.

An unfulfilled sexual life is just a symptom of where you’ve flatlined with your partner.

Are you ready to bring more aliveness to your marriage and bedroom?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage or just know who the hell I am to consider coaching, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post I Want More Sex Than My Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Is sex missing in your relationship?

You may have reached a point where you’ve thrown in the towel on your sex life. It may not even be something you think much about anymore with your partner.

Well, ok, you think about it. Of course you do, you’re a dude. But you’ve resigned yourself to how things are – sex-minimal or sexless.

And yet is resignation to a sexless relationship just a short-term tactic to avoid conflict?

“Every time I bring it up,” my client Richard says. “She gets upset and thinks I just want to get off on her. No, baby! I say. It’s you I want! Not just your…”

Maybe you’re like Richard and have decided it’s easier to just not rock the boat. But at what cost?

How’s your sex life with your partner?

Well, whether or not you’re wanting a better sex life, there’s a way in which many men are, and you may be also, inadvertently sabotaging their sex life.

And while a lot of guys blame their partners for their sexless relationship, unconsciously they exacerbate the problem.

Are you unknowingly sabotaging her sexual attraction to you?

To know, you have to look at one key thing. It’s something most guys don’t want to look at. They just want their partner to “give it” to them.

But this avoidance makes things even worse. It impacts that thing that she needs from you. And that’s, simply put, safety.

If she doesn’t feel safe with you – emotionally, psychologically, mentally – she won’t be open to you physically. So ask yourself…

Do your actions – the way you talk to her, the way you act towards her – diminish or build her sense of safety with you?

While she may be a modern feminist who denies that she needs a man to keep her safe, ultimately it’s one of the biggest things she craves from you. But she won’t admit it out loud. She expects you to know this within.

And one of the greatest ways I see “evolved” modern men screw this up is by doing this one secret thing. That is…asking her to validate his feelings.

Do you expect your partner to validate your feelings?

Whereas the more traditional macho guy tends to shut down his feelings, the less traditional guy tries to share his feelings.

The second guy was taught that women want more emotional vulnerability from their men. And it’s true.

But the problem is he’s emotionally vulnerable in a way that makes her feel very unsafe and kills off her sexual attraction to him. It also erodes trust, security, and polarity.

And when that happens, many men emotionally shut down altogether. And that leaves her feeling even less safe.

So how can you help her feel safe and ignite her sexual attraction to you?

First, stop asking her to validate your feelings. Second, stop withdrawing when it doesn’t work. And third, do this.

Check out the video below to discover THE ONE WAY you can build safety and sexual attraction with your partner.

It’s a great thing that, more than ever, we as men are learning to connect to our emotional selves.

It makes us complete human beings. It gives us important data about what’s going on inside of ourselves. It helps us live more fulfilling lives.

And when we share that emotional knowledge with our partners in a way that’s self-responsible and empowered, it makes us sexier than ever to her.

Do you want to increase sex, trust, and connection in your relationship?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re not ready to talk 1:1, check out the NEW Men’s Relationship School (formerly Men’s Relationship Tools) for free during the month of September, for more…

… action tips to STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS WITH YOUR WIFE to go after what you ultimately want with her.

… hands-on practice on how to get her off of your back without FEAR OF BEING THE ASSHOLE who blows things up.

… support to get past the fear of SCREWING THINGS UP WITH HER and start making things right.

.. and knowledge on WHEN TO CALL IT QUITS.

Can’t make the call? Join my private men’s only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for daily relationship tips and action items.

The post The Secret Thing You Do That Kills Her Sexual Attraction To You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Fear of not being enough for her.
Fear of letting her down.
Fear of not making her happy.

I’ve seen all kinds of fears from guys during years of coaching men in their relationships.

And the biggest thing I teach guys is this…

It’s not her that you need to focus on, to get past your fears, but you.

Your sense of you. Who you are. And how fear has infiltrated your identity as a man with your partner.

Do you ever say to yourself, I can’t do anything right with her?

If you said yes, then you’ve bought into her story of who you are.

And that’s a man who can’t do anything right with her.

And this dynamic of giving up your identity, your sense of who you for her, weakens you as a man.

It makes you less desirable, less attractive, and less powerful to create the relationship you ultimately want.

For years, I’ve seen men buy into the belief that they can make their partner happy by betraying themselves. And through this belief, they end up in a lot of misery.

They end up fragmented and split apart inside by two polarizing forces.

One force that says, I need to be someone else for her. And another that knows being someone else other than who you are, for anyone, is a booby trap.

And when a man is in the first force, he says things like…

“Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

Have you ever said that to your partner?

If so, I invite you to take a moment and self-reflect.

What was running you in that moment?

Fear.

How does a man get past his fears of not being enough for his partner?
How does he not let fear run him?
How does he not give up who he is for her?

Check out this short video to discover how to be fearless in your relationship.

Ultimately, fear in your relationship is an opportunity.

It’s a way of getting strong. It’s a way of finding out who you are as a man and what you really stand for.

To face that fear, you need courage.

Courage defined not as the absence of fear but acting in the face of it.

Join a group of men doing just that this Tuesday at 9am MT.

The post How to Be Fearless With Her appeared first on Stuart Motola.