A stress.  A fear. A sense of something not right. Something not out in the open.

Do you feel that something with your partner?

Maybe you bury it down. Or you kick it down the road.

Maybe it’s a rock you fear looking under. Or a knowing that you fear acknowledging.

It’s hard to look and painful to consider. Your inner circuitry says, “DON’T GO THERE!”

It shows up in that tension in the kitchen moment with your partner when you’re getting your morning coffee. Or in that silence over dinner.

There’s something unspoken between you. Maybe an unresolved disagreement from the night before. Or a conflict from two days prior. It’s an unstated truth.

We haven’t had sex in months.
I don’t find her attractive anymore.
She bullies me.
I resent her.

You know what’s on top. But underneath there’s something else that tears at your core. An underlying anxiety.

I don’t know if we’re gonna make it as a couple.
This may not work.
I can’t do this anymore.

Maybe you know it in the way she rolls her eyes at you. Or how she frowns and shakes her head when you say something. The little things hurt.

You ask yourself, “This is my wife? My partner?”

You notice she’s not available to you. You notice life has taken over and you rarely make time for each other. She has little in the tank for you, nor you for her.

Are any of these subtle things true for you?

These are all signs that you’re not fulfilled in your relationship.

And so your relationship is asking something of you. To look under the rock. To face the fear. To call out the dynamic and change it.

But often, we just turn away. Go on with our days. We justify it with busyness. We say, there’s just not enough time in the day.

Between work, kids, house, all the other stuff to function in the 21st-century, there’s just not enough time.

But is it time or is your relationship just not a priority?

Maybe it isn’t. Maybe you’ve given up on trying to work on it.

Or you’ve done a ton of work but nothing seems to change.

But eventually you have to ask yourself…

Are you willing to look under the rock?

Step into the hard stuff?

Often I see men avoid this question. Instead, they work a lot, stay glued to their phones, drink too much, watch a lot of porn, or have an affair.

They fear confronting that most painful truth about relationship.

And that is this – It may not last.

If you’re that guy, I have a lot of compassion for you. But instead of hiding, I want to challenge you to look under the rock.

I know personally what it’s like to not look, to spend my years walking through the dead zone of a marriage.

Are you avoiding a painful truth in your relationship?

I imagine you wouldn’t be reading this right now if your relationship was working well. I appreciate your courage in acknowledging it.

There’s no shame in that. What there is, is an opportunity for transformation.

Do you seek transformation or are you just looking for relief from discomfort?

Discover which is true for you in the video below.

Relationship is hard.
Relationship is risky.
Relationships begin.
Relationships end.

But you don’t have to go through your days fearing these things.

Step into action. Make a change. I want that for you. Do you want that for you?

If so, jon my next free & confidential Men’s Relationship Tools zoom call on Tuesdays at 9am MST.

And for daily relationship advice and conversation with men only in my private Facebook Group, Men Mastering Relationship.

The post The Painful Truth About Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The fireworks. Spark. Excitement. Sex. Chemistry. Compatibility.

That desire to be together all the time. The urge to merge. The yearning to lose yourself in one another. A beautiful sense of oneness.

The ultimate love. No secrets, no boundaries, no struggles.

You let her in fully. She let you in fully. You were one.

Have you ever felt like one with your partner?

Sure, it’s beautiful. But as you know, it doesn’t last long.

As you move into a long-term committed relationship, eventually you begin wondering, how come what I loved about her at first now annoys me?

In time, the desire to be together changes into the desire for space. You hit speed bumps, obstacles. You wonder, can we make it through this? Is it worth it?

And yet it’s in this moment where you get to see how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship.

But often, you’re only focused on the problems and how to eliminate them.

What if those problems brought you closer to your partner?

It’s possible but not without winning strategies. One of those strategies is counterintuitive for most men. It’s the opposite of what we do in the honeymoon phase of relationship.

And because we often don’t know that, we mistake it for something wrong. But nothing’s wrong. You’re human. And you have a new need post honeymoon. And that is the need for space.

Not just physical but emotional space. And ironically, space helps you feel closer to your partner. Distance to create closeness. Absence to make the heart fonder.

And so, to honor your need for emotional space, set healthy boundaries with your partner.  It’s much better than being irritable and annoyed with her all the time when all you really need is some space.

Healthy boundaries in a relationship allow for individuation and union. Healthy boundaries cultivate trust, respect, and the safety to just be you.

Do you set healthy boundaries with your partner?

Knowing how to set a healthy boundary helps you be more free with your partner. Free to be you. Free to ask for what you want. And free of enmeshment.

Think of it like this. The warrior sets the boundary so that the lover can be safe to love more freely.

In this two and a half minute video, I teach two kinds of boundaries to set in your relationship to experience more freedom with your partner.

Being your own man, your own person is part of who you are as a man. Don’t let your partner deprive you of that. Educate her.

Tell her, I’m here for you AND I need to take space at times so that I can love you better.

Do you struggle to be your own man with your partner? If so, shoot me a quick email today. Let’s explore what’s possible for you.

Not ready to talk? Join my next free & confidential Men’s Relationship Tools Zoom Call on Tuesdays at 9am MST.

And for daily relationship tips, check out my men’s-only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.

The post Set Healthy Boundaries And Feel Free With Her appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Fear of not being enough for her.
Fear of letting her down.
Fear of not making her happy.

I’ve seen all kinds of fears from guys during years of coaching men in their relationships.

And the biggest thing I teach guys is this…

It’s not her that you need to focus on, to get past your fears, but you.

Your sense of you. Who you are. And how fear has infiltrated your identity as a man with your partner.

Do you ever say to yourself, I can’t do anything right with her?

If you said yes, then you’ve bought into her story of who you are.

And that’s a man who can’t do anything right with her.

And this dynamic of giving up your identity, your sense of who you for her, weakens you as a man.

It makes you less desirable, less attractive, and less powerful to create the relationship you ultimately want.

For years, I’ve seen men buy into the belief that they can make their partner happy by betraying themselves. And through this belief, they end up in a lot of misery.

They end up fragmented and split apart inside by two polarizing forces.

One force that says, I need to be someone else for her. And another that knows being someone else other than who you are, for anyone, is a booby trap.

And when a man is in the first force, he says things like…

“Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

Have you ever said that to your partner?

If so, I invite you to take a moment and self-reflect.

What was running you in that moment?

Fear.

How does a man get past his fears of not being enough for his partner?
How does he not let fear run him?
How does he not give up who he is for her?

Check out this short video to discover how to be fearless in your relationship.

Ultimately, fear in your relationship is an opportunity.

It’s a way of getting strong. It’s a way of finding out who you are as a man and what you really stand for.

To face that fear, you need courage.

Courage defined not as the absence of fear but acting in the face of it.

Join a group of men doing just that this Tuesday at 9am MT.

The post How to Be Fearless With Her appeared first on Stuart Motola.