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	<title>sex Archives - Stuart Motola</title>
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	<description>Helping Men Get Love, Sex, &#38; A Kick-Ass Relationship</description>
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		<title>Sex, Love, &#038; Attachment in Relationship</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/sex-love-attachment-in-relationship-2/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Jan 2026 16:02:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4976</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>“She doesn’t love me anymore,” says my client Rick, a tech entrepreneur. “How do you know that?” I say. “We never have sex anymore,” he says Does lack of sex feel like lack of love to you as well? “Because she doesn’t have sex with you, you don’t feel loved?” I say. “Correct,” he says “Do you feel needy?” He [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/sex-love-attachment-in-relationship-2/">Sex, Love, &#038; Attachment in Relationship</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>“She doesn’t love me anymore,” says my client Rick, a tech entrepreneur.</p>
<p>“How do you know that?” I say.</p>
<p>“We never have sex anymore,” he says</p>
<h2>Does lack of sex feel like lack of love to you as well?</h2>
<p>“Because she doesn’t have sex with you, you don’t feel loved?” I say.</p>
<p>“Correct,” he says</p>
<p>“Do you feel needy?”</p>
<p>He pauses. “Not really.”</p>
<h2>Do you feel needy in your marriage?</h2>
<p>“But you do need sex?”</p>
<p>He nods.</p>
<p>“To know you&#8217;re loved, correct?” I continue.</p>
<p>“I’m confused,” he says.</p>
<h2>Would you be confused if your wife said she loved you but wouldn’t have sex with you?</h2>
<p>Rick was caught in a trap I see a lot of guys stuck in. He equates sex to love and love to sex.</p>
<p>He’s so good at kicking ass at work as an entrepreneur that he gets his ass kicked at home.</p>
<p>And he feels resentful.</p>
<p>His wife feels his resentment and to protect herself, she weaponizes sex. She uses it to poke back at him.</p>
<p>Over the course of months of working together, Rick and I take a deep dive into three profound relational topics to help him sort out his marriage and get things back on track.</p>
<h2>Do you struggle with lack of sex in your marriage? Or with not feeling loved?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below to learn about how Sex, Love &amp; Attachment get confused in marriage and discover how to sort them out.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_48809"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KYLdJHhFci8?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<h2>Do you want sex, love, and a kick-ass relationship?</h2>
<p>If so, <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong> to jump on a 15-minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can help you achieve your relationship goals.</p>
<p>Or join me on the <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/">Men’s Relationship Tools</a></strong> weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for you to get relationship support for only $67/month.</p>
<p>Check it out anytime. First call is free.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/sex-love-attachment-in-relationship-2/">Sex, Love, &#038; Attachment in Relationship</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>What A Sexually Empowered Man Does About His Sexless Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/sexless-marriage-sexless-relationship-marriage-advice-for-men/</link>
					<comments>https://www.stuartmotola.com/sexless-marriage-sexless-relationship-marriage-advice-for-men/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 17 Apr 2025 17:28:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexless marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriageadviceformen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4916</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>You’re a rock star at work. You know how to produce. You get results. Maybe you’re a CEO. A tech startup founder. A high level programmer. A successful entrepreneur. You know how to figure things out. In fact, you thrive on it. Self-esteem professionally is abundant. And yet at home, it’s a different story. Your partner complains about you. You [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/sexless-marriage-sexless-relationship-marriage-advice-for-men/">What A Sexually Empowered Man Does About His Sexless Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="definition-parent">
<div class="text-element paragraph">
<p>You’re a rock star at work. You know how to produce. You get results.</p>
<p>Maybe you’re a CEO. A tech startup founder. A high level programmer. A successful entrepreneur.</p>
<p>You know how to figure things out. In fact, you thrive on it. Self-esteem professionally is abundant.<br />
And yet at home, it’s a different story. Your partner complains about you.</p>
<p>You didn’t do this. You didn’t do that. She says, you’re emotionally unavailable.</p>
<p>Maybe your partner has shut down on you. And sex has dropped to a minimum.</p>
<p><strong>Do you feel trapped in a sexless relationship? </strong></p>
<p>Sex is the most direct way a woman tells a man things are not working for her.</p>
<p>She closes her heart. She closes her legs.</p>
<p>And the real trap is not knowing what to do about it.</p>
<p><strong>What should you do about a sexless marriage?</strong></p>
<p>Many guys say, get out. And yet he’s typically just a scared guy just wanting to run. A guy who is not willing to put in the work to turn things around.</p>
<p>And so… I’m going to share something with you that I wish someone had told me years ago, when I was in a sexless marriage with my wife of 15 years.</p>
<p>And that’s this.</p>
<p><strong>Sexuality is not the same thing as sex.</strong></p>
<p>That’s right. There is a distinction between sexuality and sex that’s critical for a guy to understand.</p>
<p>And this distinction can help you get back into your power and out of the despondency of feeling hopeless in a sexless relationship.</p>
<p><strong>Do you know the difference between sex and sexuality?</strong></p>
<p>In the video below filmed from Spain, discover the difference to unlock new powers in yourself to reclaim your sexual health and well-being.</p>
</div>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_10215"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-hfwEQSdK40?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
</div>
<div class="definition-parent">
<div class="text-element paragraph">
<p>Sexuality is something that lives inside of you. It’s an energy of “turn on.” It’s an energy of excitement.</p>
<p>We typically don’t understand this turn on lives within our self. It is not merely dependent on your partner.<br />
<strong><br />
Does your wife own your sexuality?</strong></p>
<p>If so, that’s the trap. And it then manifests as a shut-down in your relationship.</p>
<p>When you understand how your sexuality starts within yourself, you are no longer at the mercy of your wife for your erotic aliveness.</p>
<p>That’s right, erotic aliveness. That’s where sex comes to life.</p>
<p>And yet eros has nothing to do with sex.</p>
<p>Eros lives independently. It is a curiosity, a mystery, a desire to know the unknown and yes, it has a root sensation in the body.</p>
<p>The beauty of tapping into your erotic aliveness is that once you connect with it, you bring a more sexy, alive and attractive self to your partner.</p>
<p>Suddenly, your partner’s wondering, What’s going on with him?</p>
<p>She starts to get curious about you again.</p>
<p>The eros reignites. Sex soon follows.</p>
<p><strong>Do you want to be a sexually empowered man who reignites his sexual relationship with his partner?</strong></p>
<p>If so, let’s have a quick chat to see if you’ve shut down your erotic aliveness.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0000ff;"><a style="color: #0000ff;" href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><strong>Shoot me a quick email. </strong></a></span></p>
<p>Or check out the weekly Tues 12pm ET <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a style="color: #0000ff;" href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><strong>Men&#8217;s Relationship Tools calls.</strong></a></span></p>
<p>Join the 1st call for free. After that, only $67/month.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/sexless-marriage-sexless-relationship-marriage-advice-for-men/">What A Sexually Empowered Man Does About His Sexless Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>I Want More Sex Than My Wife</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:00:35 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[make her]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what she needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Intimacy issues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Make her happy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rekindle attraction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3590</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Disclaimer: crude content. The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body. You want to have more sex than your wife. Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex. It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/">I Want More Sex Than My Wife</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Disclaimer: crude content.</p>
<p>The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body.</p>
<p>You want to have more sex than your wife.</p>
<p>Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex.</p>
<p>It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a man, for crying out loud. You have needs.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">You feel most loved, admired, and respected when your partner is open to you sexually.</span></strong></p>
<p>When that door shuts, it’s as if you’re left stranded on a desert island without food or water. You feel starved.</p>
<p>At worst, it can cause you to feel desperate, in pain, and even lose hope in your relationship.</p>
<p>True or false? You feel most connected emotionally with your partner when you feel connected sexually.</p>
<p>And yet you can be shamed for this. You hear things from her (or as a client recently told me, from his female therapist) like…</p>
<p>“All you care about is sex.”</p>
<p>“You’re a cliché man.”</p>
<p>“I’m not your sexual object.”</p>
<h2>Do you want more sex than your wife?</h2>
<p>In today’s culture, it’s easy for you to feel shamed for your desires.</p>
<p>Hell, you might even be saying to yourself, <em>I’m a good guy. It’s not like I’m hiring a prostitute or having an affair. It’s my wife, for cryin’ out loud</em>.</p>
<p>(And no shame on those guys who are having affairs or hiring prostitutes. I’m not in the moral judgment business but in the business of understanding unmet human needs and how to bring them back into integrity.)</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">It can feel like a life sentence when you want more sex than your wife.</span></strong></p>
<p>I know. I lived it for many years in my marriage.</p>
<p>Sometimes I thought it was god’s cruel joke that she needed to connect emotionally before becoming sexual, all the while it was the opposite for me.</p>
<h2>Do you struggle with the emotional-sexual divide in your marriage?</h2>
<p>It can feel like a bit of a cluster fuck. You want to figure it out.</p>
<p>And in the process of trying to do so, you feel damned if you act on it and damned if you don’t.</p>
<p>Of course, the internet has all kinds of tips &#8211; talk to her about it, get it out in the open, make her feel loved, and on and on.</p>
<p>And yet in trying to implement, it’s easy to face plant and get even more frustrated.</p>
<h2>How have you attempted to solve your sexual challenges?</h2>
<p>Most guys try one of the four below.</p>
<p>A. Attempt to do everything to make her happy and score points so she’ll open up to you sexually.<br />
(That was my strategy)</p>
<p>B. Ignore it and make the best of it.</p>
<p>C. Use porn and live in fantasies.</p>
<p>D. Get attention at a massage parlor or strip club.</p>
<h2>How do you deal with wanting more sex than your wife?</h2>
<p>Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The lack of sexual fulfillment is on the top level, a symptom.</p>
<p>Underneath are a bunch of other problems.</p>
<p>And to be candid, these may very well be problems in your marriage that you may not want to deal with.</p>
<p>Frankly, it might feel like too much work. And if that’s so, that’s great information.</p>
<p>It helps you get clear on where you want to put your energy, and what your higher priorities are.</p>
<p>You get to decide how you want to do you.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">But if you effectively deal with those deeper problems, you’re in a much greater position to create the sexually fulfilling marriage that you seek.</span></strong></p>
<h2>Do you like your sex life as it is or do you want to create something better?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below to work on the deeper problems stopping you from creating the sexually fulfilling marriage you seek.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_85333"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XTMJR8Bjeds?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Sex is primal. And at the same time, after years of marriage, we can lose access to that primal energy.</p>
<p>Sex can become mundane.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">When there’s no aliveness in you and your life, it makes perfect sense that you’ll experience deadness in the bedroom.</span></strong></p>
<p>Without curiosity and variety, things flatline in relationship.</p>
<p>An unfulfilled sexual life is just a symptom of where you’ve flatlined with your partner.</p>
<h2>Are you ready to bring more aliveness to your marriage and bedroom?</h2>
<p>If so, <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">let’s have a quick chat</a>.</strong> A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage or just know who the hell I am to consider coaching, check out the <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Men’s Relationship Tools</a></strong>.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/">I Want More Sex Than My Wife</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>3 Steps To Fix Your Sexless Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/3-steps-to-fix-your-sexless-marriage/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 26 Dec 2024 17:00:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Failing marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stay or go]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unhappy marriage]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3458</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>I hear from a lot of men who say they want more sex in their marriage. They say, “I love my wife. She’s great but I don’t know if I can stay married to her.” And then they explain further… “We haven’t had sex in months. “She’s not even interested. “She’s frigid.” Do you struggle with sex in your relationship? [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/3-steps-to-fix-your-sexless-marriage/">3 Steps To Fix Your Sexless Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I hear from a lot of men who say they want more sex in their marriage.</p>
<p>They say, “I love my wife. She’s great but I don’t know if I can stay married to her.”</p>
<p>And then they explain further…</p>
<p>“We haven’t had sex in months.</p>
<p>“She’s not even interested.</p>
<p>“She’s frigid.”</p>
<h2>Do you struggle with sex in your relationship?</h2>
<p>Sex is a big deal for us dudes.</p>
<p>It’s often been said that we men need to have sex to feel emotionally connected.</p>
<p>And on the flip side, she needs to be emotionally connected to have sex.</p>
<p>It can feel like such a disconnect. God’s cruel joke.</p>
<h2>What comes first &#8211; sex or emotional connection?</h2>
<p>Many guys don’t even know that his wife needs to be emotionally connected to have sex.</p>
<p>They think she just needs to open her legs and accept him.</p>
<p>They say, “I do everything to fulfill what she needs of me. She doesn’t reciprocate.”</p>
<p>I understand this well because I was in a 20-year marriage where sex was often lacking.</p>
<p>I tried to behave myself. You know, score points. Try to be loving. And then maybe she’d be open up to sex.</p>
<p>But most of the time, she’d reject me. It was as if she saw this sudden wave of exemplary behavior and didn’t quite trust it. And with good reason.</p>
<h2>Do you try to score points with your wife to get sex?</h2>
<p>Eventually, I’d wonder, What’s the point?</p>
<p>Why even bother to try to build an emotional connection if I can’t get laid once in a while by my own damn wife?</p>
<p>So I’d feel the sting of rejection. To cope, I’d suck it up and try to stay the course for my son and the family.</p>
<h2>But do we really have to castrate ourselves to stay married?</h2>
<p>There’s got to be a better way. But yet it’s so easy just to throw in the towel, give up, look at other women, or accept the status quo.</p>
<p>There’s a name for that course of action. It’s called “playing small.”</p>
<p>It feels like crap because it is small &#8211; small-minded, small-hearted, and small sexually.</p>
<h2>What if you had a better way to revive your sexless marriage?</h2>
<p>Before we get there, let’s acknowledge something big.</p>
<p>In a long-term relationship or marriage, we have this other dynamic going on. I’ll speak to it in a second.</p>
<p>Often, we don’t know about this dynamic, because the only reference we have for abundant sex is in the good old days, during the honeymoon chemical-flooding phase of doing it in the bathroom, the car, the kitchen, a park bench, anywhere we could get our sex organs out.</p>
<p>What we had then that was lost many years into marriage was simply this… Eros.</p>
<p>Eros is mystery, the unknown, erotic curiosity, arousal, and passion.</p>
<p>It’s something that gets squashed in the day-to-day functioning of married life &#8211; getting the kids to school, going to work, bills paid, etc., etc.</p>
<p>We lost our eros and passion because at some point, whether we knew it or not, we prioritized security, stability, and commitment over risk, vulnerability, and deep connection.</p>
<h2>Does fear of risk hold you back from creating a fulfilling sex life?</h2>
<p>In this video below, I talk about 3 steps to creating a sexually fulfilling marriage, and 3 mental errors we guys make in the process.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_80053"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JvzOlj0efaE?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<h2>Do you want to up level your sex life?</h2>
<p>There’s an old joke. To kill off your sex life, get married.</p>
<p>But let’s face it, you didn’t get married to kill off your sex life.</p>
<p>You got married to build a home &#8211; psychological, emotional, physical, sexual in one another, and a literal home for your kids.</p>
<p>Fixing a sexless marriage takes some work. And yes, there could be some struggle in achieving it.</p>
<p>Hard conversations, not taking everything personally, and a willingness to get curious about your partner’s blocks.</p>
<h2>Are you willing to be in the struggle of rebuilding your sex life?</h2>
<p>At the end of the day, you get to decide what you want to struggle for, and what problems you choose.</p>
<p>When asked if they’re willing to put in the work to rebuild their sex life, most guys say, “Well it depends.”</p>
<p>I hate to break it to you. But nothing groundbreaking happens in the land of “it depends.”</p>
<p>If that’s you, it’s a sign that you’re not super serious about turning around your sex life.</p>
<p>For those guys who are serious, ready to be in the struggle, and ready to do something life-changing, let’s have a quick chat.</p>
<p>You are the kind of man I work with. You are the man I help up level his sex life.</p>
<p>A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to really understand what’s keeping you stuck from having a great sex life.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/"><strong>Men’s Relationship Tools </strong></a>where I am helping men step into action to enhance sex, passion, trust, and confidence in their relationship.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/3-steps-to-fix-your-sexless-marriage/">3 Steps To Fix Your Sexless Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-stops-you-from-getting-passion-back-in-your-marriage/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 31 Oct 2024 16:00:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Inner freedom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stay or go]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The way of the superior man]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3409</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>We’ve been together 7 years, a man says. We’ve been together 12 years, says another. We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy. What do all these guys have in common? All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages. Passion. It often fades in a [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-stops-you-from-getting-passion-back-in-your-marriage/">What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>We’ve been together 7 years, a man says.</p>
<p>We’ve been together 12 years, says another.</p>
<p>We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy.</p>
<h2>What do all these guys have in common?</h2>
<p>All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>Passion. It often fades in a long-term relationship. Aliveness, a sense of a spark, excitement, connection, sex.</strong></span></h3>
<p>Guys want passion. Women want passion too. All humans want passion.</p>
<p>It seems to be this universal desire as if it’s a right of ours to have passion in our primary relationship.</p>
<p>People are saying to themselves, “I have a right to experience passion, to get out of the dead zone in my marriage, it’s killing me.”</p>
<p>And yet so many people struggle with attaining passion.</p>
<h2>Do you lack passion in your relationship?</h2>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">It’s one thing to want passion. It’s another to sabotage it. And so, often your desire for something else is sabotaging passion.</span></h3>
<p>And that something else is… Can you guess what it is?</p>
<p>Drumroll, please…. It is comfort, safety, and security.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Too much safety, too much comfort kills passion. Passion grows out of uncertainty and risk.</span></h3>
<p>Now don’t get me wrong, safety is critical as a baseline quality to any long-term relationship.</p>
<p>But most people have flatlined in their relationship precisely because somewhere down the road, they chose safety over passion.</p>
<p>They live in an inner script of….</p>
<p><em>Well, you know, she gets upset when I say the wrong word, so I don’t say anything anymore.</em></p>
<p>Or…</p>
<p><em>Yeah, she hates it when I ask for sex. I got tired of her rejecting me, so I stopped asking.</em></p>
<p>It’s safe to retreat or disengage. But it won’t get you the passion you seek in your relationship.</p>
<h2>Do you choose safety over passion in your relationship?</h2>
<p>If so, I get it, we need to be safe &#8211; emotionally, physically, psychologically &#8211; in a long-term relationship.</p>
<p>We need to feel that sense of a safe home in our partner. A place we can rest, experience calm, a sense of respite from the world. But again…</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Too much safety leads to a flatlined, dead relationship.</span></h3>
<h2>So where are you willing to get unsafe in your relationship?</h2>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Maybe you’ve taken risks but they didn’t work out. Then, you just recoiled back into safety.</span></h3>
<p>“I asked her out on a date night and she said no.”</p>
<p>“I tried to do that blindfold thing I’ve been fantasizing about, but she wouldn’t go for it.”</p>
<p>“I touched her on the inside of her arm like she asked me to and then she told me I did it wrong.”</p>
<p>Risks are important but the right risks are even more important.</p>
<h2>Are you taking the right risks in your relationship, if any at all?</h2>
<p>Risks that get you payoffs.</p>
<p>Risks that honor where you are and help you with the next step needed to move forward into passion.</p>
<p>Risks that won’t crush you if things go south.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Take the right risk at the right time and succeed. And then the next risk and the next.</span></h3>
<p>Build a bridge of risks to get you across that river that’s been keeping you stuck on the shores of deadness.</p>
<h2>Do you want to learn how to bring passion back into your marriage?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below to discover how stepping into the right risks will bring the passion back to your relationship.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_51606"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/peR4YPAmJb4?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>“The level of passion in your relationship is commensurate to the level of risk you’re willing to tolerate in your relationship,” Tony Robbins once said.</p>
<p>It’s a powerful statement that speaks precisely to why risk-averse individuals have no passion in their relationship.</p>
<p>It may be where you feel stuck right now.</p>
<h2>Are you willing to take a risk right now?</h2>
<p>If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.</p>
<p>A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to build your risk tolerance to bring passion back into your relationship.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a>.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-stops-you-from-getting-passion-back-in-your-marriage/">What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife?</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Oct 2024 16:00:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what she needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The man she wants you to be]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3258</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>My client *Jacob is a powerhouse at work, in a field in which his highly specialized legal expertise in corporate mergers is in high demand. But at home, his power wanes. He is like many men I talk with. His wife is distant, and emotionally cold. Intimacy in his marriage is lacking. Lack of sex in a marriage is a [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/">Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My client *Jacob is a powerhouse at work, in a field in which his highly specialized legal expertise in corporate mergers is in high demand. But at home, his power wanes.</p>
<p>He is like many men I talk with. His wife is distant, and emotionally cold. Intimacy in his marriage is lacking.</p>
<p>Lack of sex in a marriage is a big deal to many men. And of course, to many women as well. But it tends to come up more with men.</p>
<p>Jacob wasn’t having sex with his wife often. As a result, he was hungry for it. And over time, he felt needy and even desperate.</p>
<h2>Is your sex life lacking with your wife?</h2>
<p>If so, like Jacob, maybe you pursue strategies to get more intimacy. Sometimes, even unconsciously.</p>
<p>Jacob did a lot of kind and nice things for his wife. He loved her and he wanted to make her happy. He wanted things to be good with her.</p>
<p>But underneath his good intentions, he wanted something in return. Something he feared asking for.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Jacob made an internal bargain that said… if I can help her get her needs met, then maybe she’ll meet mine.</span></h3>
<p>Do you unconsciously bargain for your needs with your wife?</p>
<p>“So what are those needs of yours?” I ask Jacob.</p>
<p>“Ummm,” he pauses. He’s not sure how to answer.</p>
<p>I help him out and go straight to the point.</p>
<p>“Is it sex?” I say.</p>
<p>He smiles like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.</p>
<p>“Yes, sex. Is that so terrible? I mean, for god’s sake, she’s my wife. I do so much for her… and…”</p>
<p>A story of a desperate man pours forth. I have empathy for him. I was there myself in a 25-year marriage.</p>
<p>“She’s always so busy, with the house, the kids, her mom, her job, and then I come last.”</p>
<h2>Do you feel like sex is last on your wife’s list?</h2>
<p>Jacob wants to justify himself and his needs. But that’s not necessary.</p>
<p>More than justifying, I want him to know he still has power. He can actually use his desperation to get back into his strength.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">A man’s desperation for sex sabotages his sex life with his partner. It is a form of sex repellent to her.</span></h3>
<p>It’s through his power that Jacob will get the love he seeks, not by groveling for sex or being needy.</p>
<p>Over the course of our conversation, desperation spills forth in other ways.</p>
<p>Jacob is not just desperate for sex. He’s desperate for touch. Desperate for attention. Desperate for affection.</p>
<h2>Do you seek more touch and affection with your wife?</h2>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">In the absence of touch and affection, it’s easy for a man to lose his power, focusing solely on the lack in his lower region.</span></h3>
<p>“Do you feel needy with your wife?” I ask.</p>
<p>He pauses. Again, he doesn’t want to admit what is obvious.</p>
<p>“Not so much needy,” he says. “But more like invisible and angry.”</p>
<p>Okay, subtle distinction. Let’s call a spade a spade. Jacob was feeling needy.</p>
<p>And his neediness was a turn off to his wife. She felt like she was with a little boy, not a man. That drove Jacob nuts.</p>
<h2>Is needy behavior sabotaging your sex life?</h2>
<p>I point out the neediness to him. He concedes to it.</p>
<p>“Yes, I feel needy. But she….”</p>
<p>I pause him. I turn the tables, to see how neediness on his wife’s part would attract him.</p>
<p>“So what do I do with these desperate feelings?” Jacob asks me.</p>
<p>In the video below, see what I told Jacob &#8211; how to go from desperation to being in charge of your sex life in your marriage.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_94071"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SoOvJMqfKFQ?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Are you in a sexless marriage?</p>
<p>Do you sometimes feel desperate sexually?</p>
<p>If so, then there&#8217;s a good chance that you are repelling your partner&#8217;s sexuality.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s right, without even knowing it, you may be wearing&#8230; god forbid&#8230; sex repellant.</p>
<p>To help you get clarity on how to command your sex life again, let’s have a quick chat.</p>
<p>A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to revitalize your marriage.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong> is an act of courage.</p>
<p><em>*Jacob is a fictional name used for client confidentiality.</em></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/">Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>She Uses Sex As A Weapon</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/she-uses-sex-as-a-weapon/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 06 Jun 2024 16:00:44 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4805</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>You commit to one woman. She’s the one you will be with. She’s the one woman with whom you will have sex. You’ve committed to her in marriage or monogamy. And then, the door closes. Over time during your relationship, she closes the door behind the sex life you once shared. Has your partner closed the door on your sex [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/she-uses-sex-as-a-weapon/">She Uses Sex As A Weapon</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You commit to one woman. She’s the one you will be with.</p>
<p>She’s the one woman with whom you will have sex. You’ve committed to her in marriage or monogamy.</p>
<p>And then, the door closes. Over time during your relationship, she closes the door behind the sex life you once shared.</p>
<h2>Has your partner closed the door on your sex life?</h2>
<p>Maybe this is you.</p>
<p>At night, you try to cuddle up to her and she pulls away. She says, she just wants to read her book.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, you glance at her to see if she sees you. She doesn’t. She’s reading &#8211; clearly.</p>
<p>It’s as if you’re not even there. You feel invisible. You’re even starting to feel punished.</p>
<p>You ask yourself…</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">What did I do?</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Why is she so shut down to me?</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">How can I get her to open up?</span></strong></p>
<p>It can feel punishing to lose your partner sexually.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s as if she owns a part of you &#8211; your sexuality &#8211; and pulls it away from you. As if she has control over you.</p>
<p>This is an extremely challenging place for a man to be.</p>
<h2>What can you do when you feel like she’s sexually punishing you?</h2>
<p>Maybe you go into one of these two modes &#8211; righteousness or wounded puppy dog.</p>
<p>The first &#8211; righteousness &#8211; has you saying to yourself, she’s using sex as a weapon.</p>
<p>You use words like weapon to convey the sense of the battle that you feel you’re in.</p>
<p>You have a sense of righteous indignation, a sense of being right. A sense of “she’s the problem.”</p>
<h2>Do you feel like she’s the problem when it comes to sex?</h2>
<p>The challenge with this story is it puts you in a confrontational and transactional mindset. It says, she’s doing A (no sex) to get B (punish me).</p>
<p>This may feel good in the moment but it WILL NOT get you what you want ultimately &#8211; closeness and connection.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">When you make her the problem, you become a prisoner to her. You lose all your power.</span></strong></p>
<p>On the flipside, when you go into wounded puppy dog mode, you embody the energy of a limp appendage.</p>
<p>You go into self-pity, very different than grief which can get you back into your strength.</p>
<p>In self-pity, you have no power.</p>
<h2>How do you get your power back when you feel like she’s using sex as a weapon?</h2>
<p>You go into neither &#8211; righteousness or wounded puppy dog.</p>
<p>Instead, you…</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">… honor that warrior in you that wants to show up better.</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">… claim your confidence within yourself instead of giving it over to her based on how she “responds” to you.</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">… live your life as if she’s a part of it and not the center of it.</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">… take care of yourself.</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">… express love as it feels aligned for you and not to “win her over” or get a result.</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">… don’t seek or beg or look at her for validation.</span></strong></p>
<p>Maybe you read your book.</p>
<p>Maybe you just turn the other way and go to sleep.</p>
<p>Or maybe you say “Good night, love, I hope you sleep well, sweet dreams. I love you.”</p>
<p>Yes, I can give you the words that you might say to her.</p>
<p>But like most men, you have to do the deeper work within yourself to calm the parts of you that are scared and resistant to being a bigger, better version of yourself.</p>
<p>Ultimately, you must regain your confidence, so that you don’t pivot on her and instead you pivot on you.</p>
<h2>Could you regain your confidence even when she’s not having sex with you?</h2>
<p>To do that, your self-esteem must be greater than your she-esteem.</p>
<p><strong>To take a deeper dive into mastering your self-esteem in your marriage or relationship, check out the free guide “<a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/A-Mans-Guide-To-A-Kick-Ass-Marriage-compressed.pdf">A Man’s Guide To A Kick-Ass Marriage</a>.”</strong></p>
<p><em>(Works for unmarried men as well; for any man in relationship.)</em></p>
<p>And to take a deeper dive into how to get out of the story of “she uses sex as a weapon,” check out the video below.</p>
<p><img decoding="async" src="https://hostedimages-cdn.aweber-static.com/MTI0NTYyMw==/original/ede3f1f64902465784d9d080bb995cac.png" alt="She Uses Sex As A Weapon" /></p>
<h2>How can you regain your confidence when you’re in a sexless marriage?</h2>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">Shoot me a quick email</a></strong> and let’s talk to see what that looks like for you.</p>
<p>Or join our small tribe of men rocking their relationships with heart, freedom and responsibility. For a free 1st call and then only $47/month for weekly calls, join us at <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/">Men’s Relationship Tools</a></strong>.</p>
<p>Life’s too short to settle for the status quo of a sexless marriage. You deserve better, brother.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/she-uses-sex-as-a-weapon/">She Uses Sex As A Weapon</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>The Hidden Opportunity In Your Sexless Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/the-hidden-opportunity-in-your-sexless-marriage/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 30 May 2024 16:00:43 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexless marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4800</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>ve been sharing a bed with her for 20 years now,” James, a senior tech analyst and client, says to me. “Typically at night, my wife will sit in bed, reading her book and I’m just thinking, how can I connect with her? “Then I go to touch her, caress her arm. And then she’ll give me that look, like, [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/the-hidden-opportunity-in-your-sexless-marriage/">The Hidden Opportunity In Your Sexless Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>ve been sharing a bed with her for 20 years now,” James, a senior tech analyst and client, says to me.</p>
<p>“Typically at night, my wife will sit in bed, reading her book and I’m just thinking, how can I connect with her?</p>
<p>“Then I go to touch her, caress her arm. And then she’ll give me that look, like, are you kidding? Then it’s all bets off.</p>
<p>“This is infuriating because this has been going on for months. I feel trapped.”</p>
<h2>Do you feel trapped in a sexless marriage?</h2>
<p>For James, it was this.</p>
<p>“She needs to feel emotionally connected in order to feel physically connected. You work all the time, she says, then just expect sex from me.”</p>
<p>Maybe you can relate.</p>
<p>His wife needed to feel like he cared about her heart, her soul, her words. She needed his love.</p>
<p>James was mystified.</p>
<p>He gave his love in all kinds of ways.</p>
<p>He was very helpful around the household, doing the dishes after dinner, taking her out, working hard at his job to provide for their family.</p>
<p>He&#8217;d even sit and listen to her talk about her challenges with her mother.</p>
<p>Yet she was telling him she needed more in order to have sex with him.</p>
<h2>Do you struggle to give your wife what she needs so that you can get what you want?</h2>
<p>I see this is common with men who have been married for years. He can never meet the demands of his wife.</p>
<p>He feels like a dog who has to do a bunch of tricks in order to get fed.</p>
<h2>Can you relate to having to do things right for your wife in order to get sex?</h2>
<p>James inevitably began feeling lonely, unloved, and negative about the future prospect of his marriage.</p>
<p>To cope, he did like many guys do.</p>
<p>He used porn, he masturbated. He did whatever he needed to get his needs met.</p>
<p>No shame in that but it had limited payoffs.</p>
<h2>How do you cope in your sexless marriage?</h2>
<p>James wasn’t the guy to have an affair. He wants her, his wife, the woman he loves.</p>
<p>And yet his resentments were starting to build up. He didn’t feel hopeful about having sex with his wife on any regular frequency.</p>
<p>But things changed when James realized the hidden opportunity before him.</p>
<p>Check out the video below to discover the hidden opportunity in your sexless marriage.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_93562"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/28EEQfpQNIM?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>The hidden opportunity for James was simply to start treating sex like a sacred act, instead of a transaction.</p>
<p>In our coaching, he learned what that meant for him and his wife. It focused on being relational with her, getting curious about her world, connecting with her in other ways emotionally in which she felt heard and seen.</p>
<h2>What’s the hidden opportunity for you in your sexless marriage?</h2>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">Shoot me a quick email</a></strong> and let’s talk to see what that is for you.</p>
<p>Life’s too short to settle for the status quo of a sexless marriage. You deserve better, brother.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/the-hidden-opportunity-in-your-sexless-marriage/">The Hidden Opportunity In Your Sexless Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>Are You Feeling Trapped In Your Marriage?</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-feeling-trapped-in-your-marriage/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 May 2024 18:08:52 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexless marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unhappy marriage]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4791</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Marriage. Relationship. Coupledom. Commitment to one partner. That person you can rely on forever. Sounds beautiful upfront. And yet, if you’ve been in a long-term marriage or relationship, it’s not that simple. That one person is also the one who will trigger the sh*t out of you, causing you to feel trapped at times; in fact, that’s their job. The [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-feeling-trapped-in-your-marriage/">Are You Feeling Trapped In Your Marriage?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Marriage. Relationship. Coupledom.</p>
<p>Commitment to one partner. That person you can rely on forever. Sounds beautiful upfront.</p>
<p>And yet, if you’ve been in a long-term marriage or relationship, it’s not that simple.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>That one person is also the one who will trigger the sh*t out of you, causing you to feel trapped at times; in fact, that’s their job.</strong></span></p>
<p>The sooner you learn that, the sooner you’ll stop arguing with reality and blaming her for your triggers.</p>
<h2>Do you feel trapped in your marriage?</h2>
<p>As you may know, a trigger will send you into your reptilian brain &#8211; fight, flight, freeze. The rational brain goes into a tailspin.</p>
<p>Common statements indicate a trigger’s been struck.</p>
<p>“She pushes my buttons like no one else.”</p>
<p>“She says things that send me off the deep end.”</p>
<p>“I just freeze up when she attacks me.”</p>
<p>More important than the trigger is how you respond to it.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>Master your trigger responses and you’ll be free in your relationship.</strong></span></p>
<p>Fumble your trigger responses (what most of us do) and your marriage will feel confining, confusing. At worst, you’ll feel trapped.</p>
<h2>How do you respond when you’re triggered?</h2>
<p>Most of us go one of two ways &#8211; avoidant or anxious.</p>
<p>As an avoidant, we try to not deal with things, distance our self, and take space to process things.</p>
<p>The avoidant is the distancer.</p>
<p>As an anxious, we believe only our partner can make us ok, even struggling when a text is not returned in a timely manner.</p>
<p>The anxious is the pursuer.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>Every distancer needs a pursuer. And you guessed it, every pursuer needs a distancer.</strong></span></p>
<h2>Are you the pursuer or the distancer?</h2>
<p>If you’re not sure, <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">let’s talk</a></strong>.</p>
<p>If you’re in a pursuer or distancer dynamic, your marriage will start to feel very confining very fast.</p>
<p>This happens to most, if not all couples.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>It’s a rare few couples who know how to navigate this anxious-avoidant attachment dynamic; they still experience ruptures but they know how to repair efficiently.</strong></span></p>
<p>Each partner must see their patterns &#8211; as an anxious or avoidant.</p>
<h2>What can you do as an anxious to improve your relationship?</h2>
<p>In a nutshell, if you’re anxious and your partner is avoidant, you need to learn that they pull away to process things, to figure things out.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>It’s not about them not loving you. It’s how they process.</strong></span></p>
<p>Get that in your head!</p>
<p>It still hurts but knowing this will help.</p>
<p>You also need to self-regulate, tell yourself you’re ok, take deep breaths, and not make it your partner’s job to always make you ok.</p>
<h2>What can you do as an avoidant to improve your relationship?</h2>
<p>Conversely, if you’re avoidant (distant) and your partner is anxious (needy) &#8211; you need to not just check out and disappear on your partner, even if their behaviors feel smothering to you.</p>
<h2>If you need space, honor that but always reschedule.</h2>
<p>“I’ll be back in 10 minutes, 30 minutes, tonight. I’m here for you. I just need to get my head clear, so I don’t do or say something stupid.”</p>
<p>You need to lean in, even when it hurts. Note, I said lean in, turn towards, not overwhelm yourself.</p>
<h2>Relationship &#8211; a trap or a path you can navigate?</h2>
<p>While understanding avoidant and anxious is important, another key piece is the trap of monolithic monogamy, a term coined by author Esther Perel.</p>
<p>I also call it the tribe of two.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>And let’s face it, two is not a tribe, but that’s how we live in marriage and relationship these days.</strong></span></p>
<p>You may think you need to be everything, or almost everything to each other &#8211; lover, partner, best friend, co-parent, family logistic planners, financial partners, teacher, healer, soulmates, etc.</p>
<h2>Are you trapped in a tribe of two?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below to discover how to get out of the relationship trap.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_50264"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/C2bzoz8aol0?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Relationship is a lot of work. It will bring up your sh*t.</p>
<p><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>You have to be a warrior to get through it. A warrior of the heart.</strong></span></p>
<p>Learn the skills to transform your relationship from a trap into a crucible of transformation into freedom and love.</p>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">Shoot me a quick email</a></strong> and let’s talk.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-feeling-trapped-in-your-marriage/">Are You Feeling Trapped In Your Marriage?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>2 Tips To Revive Sex &#038; Passion In A Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Apr 2024 16:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexless marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4779</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>My client Tim, a 46-year-old software CEO, is crushing it at work. But he feels trapped at home.“With all my success, I kind of feel entitled,” he says. “What do you mean?” I ask. “Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again. “I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/">2 Tips To Revive Sex &#038; Passion In A Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My client Tim, a 46-year-old software CEO, is crushing it at work. But he feels trapped at home.“With all my success, I kind of feel entitled,” he says.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” I ask.</p>
<p>“Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again.</p>
<p>“I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s not true, I feel like my wife should want me”</p>
<h2>Do you experience success at work and struggle at home?</h2>
<p>Tim’s wife has shut down on him. He experiences distance from her. And a lack of trust.</p>
<p>“She says I’m not emotionally available to her. I work too much. “</p>
<p>“And can you relate to that?” I ask.</p>
<p>“Yes, but how does she expect us to have the nice lifestyle we have?”</p>
<p>I nod.</p>
<h2>Are you abundant career-wise but impoverished in love?</h2>
<p>So… you may be thinking, what a cliché. Poor rich guy can’t get sex from his wife. But Tim is a real guy suffering.</p>
<p>He’s trying to find answers to why his wife is shut down on him.</p>
<p>He hasn’t been intimate with her for months. His heart hurts.</p>
<h2>Has your wife shut the door on you when it comes to sex?</h2>
<p>Tim and I talk about how trust is a huge factor for a woman to open up sexually.</p>
<p>“She has to feel emotionally safe,” I say.</p>
<p>But there’s another factor that he has not taken into consideration.</p>
<p>And that’s that she’s his only source of emotional intimacy. That is, at least when she’s open to him. And she hasn’t been for years.</p>
<h2>Is your wife the primary person you rely on for sharing your deeper thoughts and emotions?</h2>
<p>If so, like Tim, that’s a problem. It leads to something Tim discovered, called enmeshment.</p>
<p>Too much enmeshment kills a couple’s sex life.</p>
<h2>Do you want to have a better relationship and sex life with your partner?</h2>
<p>If so, check out the video below to discover two HUGE tips to revive sex and passion in your relationship.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_85110"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KSIfkWJuxoI?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Life presents us with challenges. Will you step up?</p>
<p>Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.</p>
<p>Step up to the plate, grow, and give it your best shot. You are the kind of man I help.</p>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Shoot me a quick email</a>,</strong> and let’s talk.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/">2 Tips To Revive Sex &#038; Passion In A Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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