“I don’t spend enough time with the kids.

“She doesn’t feel like I’m on her team.

“It’s endless. Sometimes I wonder why she even stays married to me,” Jack says.

Does your wife complain about you?

“Why does she stay married to you? Have you asked her?” I say.

Jack takes a deep breath. He shakes his head.

“It’s a bit embarrassing to say,” he says.

“Trust me, I’ve heard just about everything,” I reply.

“Because…” he says. “… of the kids.”

“And you take that personally?”

“Of course I do. I’m just a shelf item in her world. A slot holder for her to keep our family together.”

Do you feel like a pawn in your partner’s world?

“Jack,” I say. “I want to tell you something. It’s something most of us miss when we are feeling victimized. You have a choice.”

“Say more,” he says.

“You can either be in ‘poor me’ land or you can start to see your wife’s complaints about the dishes and time with your kids as feedback.”

“Ok,” Jack says.

I have his full attention.

I tell Jack how in her complaints, his wife has given him the operating manual on how to be in a happy marriage with her.

Do you want the operating manual on your partner for a fulfilling marriage?

If so, discover how to transform her complaints into your marching orders for a happy marriage, in the video below.

“Jack,” I say. “This doesn’t just mean roll over and do whatever she asks of you. That would be inauthentic.”

He nods.

“What it means instead is to get clear on what she wants. Get curious, get more information from your wife, and ask questions.

“Can you tell me why dishes in the sink bother you so much?

“How much time would you like to see me spending with the kids each week?

“Have a strong spine and don’t just fold at her complaints.

“She’s counting on you to be strong in the face of her complaints. And yes, even if it’s been going on for 10 years.

“This is your chance, Jack. To step up and change things for the better.”

Over the course of several conversations with me for the next 2 months, Jack steps up.

He develops a strong spine with his wife’s complaints and tunes into her feedback. And what do you know, her complaints diminish.

Do you want to diminish your wife’s complaints?

Change happened for Jack because he stayed in action. He didn’t just say, I understand, and that’s enough.

Instead, he showed up and kept showing up. To confront his old unconscious destructive “poor me” behavioral patterns.

He noticed when he was going down the self-pity hole and instead, called forth a stronger and more capable version of himself.

I always say to a client, it’s not just on me to create the change you seek in your relationship. It’s a 200% arrangement. My 100% and yours. That’s how change happens.

Are you ready to show up fully to transform your wife’s complaints into a happy and fulfilling marriage?

If so, let’s have a quick chat.

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools. Reply “MRS Yes” to try it out and join your first call for free.

The post How To Deal With Her Complaints appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Sounds like the words of a guy who is financially stressed.

Anyone who’s been married a while can tell you that arguments about money and marriage go hand in hand.

Do you and your wife fight about money?

It can be infuriating for a guy when he feels like his wife wastes money.

“I work my ass off, trying to put aside for our future, and she’s pissing away cash like it’s nothing,” said Todd.

And so the typical cycle went like this. Todd’s wife would spend frivolously. He would get upset. She’d hide her spending from him. He would discover it months later.

He’d confront her. She’d say, “That was forever ago, you expect me to remember that?”

A fight would ensue. He’d feel powerless. She’d feel humiliated. And both would dig in for their survival. He can’t control me. She can’t piss away money like it grows on trees.

Is money a source of conflict for you and your wife?

You may know the rest of the story.

Afterward, Todd and his wife put each other in the doghouse. Trust went to hell. Intimacy was off the radar for the next week or two.

In the end, two lonely people living lonely lives, isolated on separate sides of the fence. And then every six to eight weeks, they repeat the cycle.

Why is money such a problem for so many married couples?

For guys, it’s simple. Much of our self-esteem is embedded in our ability to earn and provide. It relates to our built-in need to serve and protect.

While women are earning like never before, they typically don’t wrap their self-esteem around their earnings. But men, on the other hand, do.

And so when Todd’s wife spent $10 on a box of cookies that he thought shouldn’t cost more than $5, it became a big deal. But in the flood of emotions, he missed something big. Todd failed to realize that it wasn’t just about the money.

What he missed was that this was about something much more personal. It was about his self-confidence in his marriage. His ability to confidently communicate to his wife.

In the absence of self-confidence, he resorted to trying to change his wife’s behaviors in order to be okay and respected. But it wasn’t about her. It’s about him.

Do you wish you could communicate confidently with your wife?

If you could, you wouldn’t fall into this trap of thought, common for many guys. They think, If only I could make more money, then I wouldn’t have to worry about her spending.

But more money is not going to fix a self-confidence problem. Todd could tell you that. He was the guy worth millions, yes, millions, complaining to his wife about a $10 box of cookies.

His complaint wasn’t really about cookies. It was about his self-worth as a man. It was about his ability to communicate confidently to his wife. This was deeply personal for him.

Why else would a multi-millionaire make such a big deal about a $10 box of cookies?

Do you get upset at dumb things you judge your wife does?

If so, then consider something that was big for Todd. The deeper message here. The story you tell yourself. That somehow you have failed as a man when you can’t get through to her.

It’s easy to beat yourself up about your inability to communicate with your wife.

In the absence of self-confidence, men often lose themselves in a tangled web of self-judgment, fear, and projection. But none of that gets dealt with because we’re too focused on the damn cookies.

Of course, the cookies are a metaphor. For you, it might be a parking ticket that goes unpaid, a bill that got lost, or a check that never got cashed. Whatever it is for you…

What if you could just relax, communicate well, and enjoy your marriage?

In the video below, check out the precise words that helped put Todd back in charge of his marriage.

What is it that you ultimately want in your relationship?

At the end of the day, Todd wanted what a lot of married men want – self-confidence with his wife, trust in their marriage, and the ability to relax and love her.

And what a thing it is that we guys will toss all that away for a $10 box of cookies. In truth, we don’t even know we’re being so foolish.

Yet in the absence of the simple ability to convey impact, to talk about what’s really under the hood for us, we spend years complaining, hiding, or blowing things up.

Being a confident and capable man in your relationship is not all that hard. You just need to stay in your productive powers.

Do you want to go from frustrated to confident with your partner?

If you answered yes, let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, try out Men’s Relationship Tools.

It’s also a great way to see what coaching can offer you.

The post How To Get Your Wife To Stop Wasting Money appeared first on Stuart Motola.

The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body.

You want to have more sex than your wife.

Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex.

It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a man, for crying out loud. You have needs.

You feel most loved, admired, and respected when your partner is open to you sexually.

When that door shuts, it’s as if you’re left stranded on a desert island without food or water. You feel starved.

At worst, it can cause you to feel desperate, in pain, and even lose hope in your relationship.

True or false? You feel most connected emotionally with your partner when you feel connected sexually.

And yet you can be shamed for this. You hear things from her (or as a client recently told me, from his female therapist) like…

“All you care about is sex.”

“You’re a cliché man.”

“I’m not your sexual object.”

Do you want more sex than your wife?

In today’s culture, it’s easy for you to feel shamed for your desires.

Hell, you might even be saying to yourself, I’m a good guy. It’s not like I’m hiring a prostitute or having an affair. It’s my wife, for cryin’ out loud.

(And no shame on those guys who are having affairs or hiring prostitutes. I’m not in the moral judgment business but in the business of understanding unmet human needs and how to bring them back into integrity.)

It can feel like a life sentence when you want more sex than your wife.

I know. I lived it for many years in my marriage.

Sometimes I thought it was god’s cruel joke that she needed to connect emotionally before becoming sexual, all the while it was the opposite for me.

Do you struggle with the emotional-sexual divide in your marriage?

It can feel like a bit of a cluster fuck. You want to figure it out.

And in the process of trying to do so, you feel damned if you act on it and damned if you don’t.

Of course, the internet has all kinds of tips – talk to her about it, get it out in the open, make her feel loved, and on and on.

And yet in trying to implement, it’s easy to face plant and get even more frustrated.

How have you attempted to solve your sexual challenges?

Most guys try one of the four below.

A. Attempt to do everything to make her happy and score points so she’ll open up to you sexually.
(That was my strategy)

B. Ignore it and make the best of it.

C. Use porn and live in fantasies.

D. Get attention at a massage parlor or strip club.

How do you deal with wanting more sex than your wife?

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The lack of sexual fulfillment is on the top level, a symptom.

Underneath are a bunch of other problems.

And to be candid, these may very well be problems in your marriage that you may not want to deal with.

Frankly, it might feel like too much work. And if that’s so, that’s great information.

It helps you get clear on where you want to put your energy, and what your higher priorities are.

You get to decide how you want to do you.

But if you effectively deal with those deeper problems, you’re in a much greater position to create the sexually fulfilling marriage that you seek.

Do you like your sex life as it is or do you want to create something better?

Check out the video below to work on the deeper problems stopping you from creating the sexually fulfilling marriage you seek.

Sex is primal. And at the same time, after years of marriage, we can lose access to that primal energy.

Sex can become mundane.

When there’s no aliveness in you and your life, it makes perfect sense that you’ll experience deadness in the bedroom.

Without curiosity and variety, things flatline in relationship.

An unfulfilled sexual life is just a symptom of where you’ve flatlined with your partner.

Are you ready to bring more aliveness to your marriage and bedroom?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage or just know who the hell I am to consider coaching, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post I Want More Sex Than My Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“Baby,” he says, “I work 10 hours a day, I do everything I can for us to have a good life.”

“Yes, that’s fine,” she says. “But I don’t feel like you love me.”

“What did I do wrong?” He asks her.

“Nothing,” she says.

Do you struggle to understand how you failed your wife?

If so, just know that there are millions of men who are in the same boat as you.

In his seminal book many years ago “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” John Gray spoke to this.

He explained a core difference between men and women and how they show love.

Essentially, he said men and women have different brains.

Men are logical. Women are emotional.

And yes, it can often feel like we are on two different planets.

Do you try to understand your wife logically?

If so, there you go, that’s part of the problem.

Due to a lack of advanced emotional intelligence in many of us men, we often ignore emotions and instead attempt to show our love through logic. We try to fix things.

Do you try to serve your wife by fixing and it often backfires?

A guy’s inner script typically goes like this – Tell me the problem and let me use my superior rational powers to make things better, sweetie.

He uses his rational powers at work all the time – in law, finance, business, engineering, science – and it pays off, but not at home.

“Well, then the other day,” Dave continues. “She said that she wanted me to take care of the food for the party, and then when I came home with everything, she got upset at me.

“I asked her why, and she says, oh because I didn’t do it right.

“Baby, I got everything you asked me for. I even had a list.” He scratches his head, mystified.

“That’s not the point,” his wife says. “Three people canceled and now we’ll have too much food.”

“Wait a minute, love. Is this about you being upset for me not getting the right food at the market or about people not coming tonight?”

“Why do you have to argue with me?” She says.

Dave has that “I can never win” look on his face.

And then it goes downhill from there.

Do you struggle to understand your wife?

Well, if so, consider Dave’s story. Maybe it’s yours too. Clearly, there were some illogical things going on.

Logically, Dave got it right, and maybe you do too, but still emotionally he’s on another planet and can’t see what his wife really needs.

Do you want to figure out what your wife really needs?

If so, check out the video below to see how your logic spins you into a place of helplessness with her and what to do instead.

“Dave,” I say, after he’s done telling me about the party incident. “Her upset wasn’t about you.”

“But why did it come out on me?” He asks. “I try to do my best for her and nothing seems like enough.”

“Emotions, Dave. Emotions. Tune into her emotions.

“Start learning her language. Decode her.

“She’ll pivot from food shopping to guests cancelling in a micro-second. And you’ll be left in the dust on the food shopping.

“She was upset about the guests, not you.”

“But…” he says. “It shouldn’t have come out on me.”

“I know, it seems unfair. But this is your chance to man up.”

“Try this, Dave,” I continue. “Say this to yourself.

“Her emotions came out on me. It wasn’t about me. I can be there for her.

“And I can say, I’m sorry, sweetie, that people cancelled. Let’s still do our best to have fun together.”

Hmmm… Dave looks up, thinking. He’s struggling to buy it.

“Ok, I’ll do my best,” he says. He gets it.

Changing his marriage is more important than being right.

In the weeks to come, Dave starts implementing and things improve dramatically with his wife.

Do you want to learn how to decode your wife’s emotions so you can experience less frustration and more joy?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. Men or women who want to learn more about men (that’s right, I am coaching women now).

A quick chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation, keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the men who aren’t ready for 1:1 coaching and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools.

The post Why Her Emotions Frustrate You appeared first on Stuart Motola.

They say things like…

“I don’t feel close to my wife.”

“I’m not happy with my marriage.”

“I don’t feel like I can meet her needs.”

Do you struggle to meet your partner’s needs?

When it comes to your partner’s needs, I offer a huge distinction in the video below that helps most men.

Here’s the headline, in case you don’t have time to watch it.

It’s knowing the difference between needs and neediness.

Having needs looks like …

“Babe, the best way you can love me is to give me the benefit of the doubt.”

No demands. No accusations. Just a request. And then you see where she can meet you.

Neediness, on the other hand, looks like…

“You’re not enough for me.”

“You don’t meet my needs.”

“You never do… A or B.”

Fill in the blank. You likely have your own version of this.

Simply put, when stuck in a neediness loop, your partner is desperate and scared, expecting you to fill something in her.

Do you experience neediness from your wife?

If so, it’s important to notice if in response, you experience neediness yourself.

The need to be enough for her.

To not let her down.

To not fail her.

Or do you shut down any needs in the face of all the volume about her needs?

Either way, the most important thing is to notice the impact of her neediness on you. That’s key to maintaining your inner strength.

What happens to you when you feel your wife’s neediness?

In those moments, you likely feel like…

She’s too much.

Her needs are endless.

You’re not strong enough for her.

And that last one can be a blow to your ego as a man wanting to be strong for his woman.

Do you struggle to be strong for your wife?

If so, it’s critical that you acknowledge to yourself the impact of her neediness on you.

That’s the first step.

It means not being sucked down the rabbit hole of her neediness.

And simultaneously… stay compassionate to her as well.

She’s struggling. She needs you to be empathic to her struggle without being wrecked by it.

If you can notice the impact on you and stay compassionate to her, you will be that strong man you seek to be.

And you won’t feel like you’re at the mercy of her neediness.

To take a much deeper dive into how to stay strong and compassionate in the face of your partner’s neediness, check out this video below.

Let’s face it, brother. Her neediness is just a cry for help.

And until you’re able to take care of yourself, her neediness will feel like a black hole.

So, my invitation to you is to up-level yourself and your relational game.

Then you can be the strong and loving man you seek to be for yourself, your woman, and your kids.

Are you ready to finally be free of her neediness?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.

The post How To Deal With A Needy Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

On a good day, her words are about someone or something else and I can help her figure things out.

On a bad day, her words are about me and what I don’t do right and what I do wrong.

I want to do better but after a while of her talking, it just seems like a lot of words and complaining.

Do you struggle to hear your wife’s words?

Does it seem like she’s just spinning her wheels?

Maybe it seems like you’re a dartboard and her words are the metal tips.

Or, maybe you feel like nothing is ever good enough for her.

Perhaps you have an experience where she just likes to hear herself talk about her problems.

That can be super tough when you’re a good guy and want to make things better for her but you just don’t know how.

Do you wonder why your wife talks so much?

In this video learn several key differences between men and women and how you can bring your natural masculine action-mindedness to the conversation so that she feels fully heard and loved.

But let’s get real, you can learn a ton of great tips and tools but if your heart’s not fully in it, none of it will help.

You may be clinging on to resentment or even resistance to change your ways.

You may be asking yourself, why do I have to change? What about her?

Well, the only one you can change is yourself. That’s where your power comes from. When you try to change her, you’ll only get more frustrated.

Change yourself, learn how to deal with her excessive words, and create the marriage you seek.

Take the first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your marriage. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

And for the many women wanting to learn more about men, check out this special link just for you women.

And for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools. Reply “MRT Yes” to join. Your first call is free.

The post Why She Talks So Much & Why You Struggle To Listen appeared first on Stuart Motola.

If so, then you may understand like my client Mauricio did, that in relationship, the saying applies doubly so.

Mauricio would get into an argument with his wife and then for hours afterward, he would beat himself up.

He’d spiral into fear about how his wife would deprive him of intimacy and how he’d be in the doghouse with her for the next month.

Do you fear being in the doghouse with your wife after a fight?

Maybe you berate yourself, like Mauricio did, saying to yourself, “I should’ve done this, or I could’ve said that.”

It’s hard enough to deal with conflict in your relationship. But even worse if you top it off with a mountain of self-blame.

A lot of guys are tough on themselves these days when it comes to their relationship.

They want to be a good guy, a better man than their father was to their mom. They want to be able to meet the emotional needs of their woman.

There’s a lot of pressure on us guys to show up in relationship that was never expected of us prior to now – emotionally, psychologically, and mentally.

Mauricio felt it big time. And as a result, he created a lot of suffering for himself.

Do you feel able to meet your wife’s emotional needs?

Let’s face it, we men are on a massive evolution curve because most of us were raised by fathers who did not have to meet such high standards in relationship.

With pressure to be more for her, for most men, comes more suffering.

“I can’t ever be enough for her,” Mauricio said to me.

Nodding, I said, “I get it. But more importantly, can you be enough for you?”

He looked at me, mystified that I could invite him to be so selfish.

“You’ll never be enough for her,” I said. “Especially when you’re not enough for yourself.”

“Huh,” he said. That was his way of saying, I didn’t know that was possible, and I like where you’re going, Stuart.

How would you feel if it wasn’t your job to meet your wife’s standards of who you are?

I’ll tell you how you’d feel. You’d feel liberated. You’d feel free of her emotional burdens.

And ironically that would put you, as it did for Mauricio, in a position to be a better relational partner.

Imagine a you with more emotional capacity, fewer burdens of hers to carry, and more confidence to be clear about what’s yours emotionally and what’s hers.

For Mauricio, these were key to his reducing the self-imposed suffering that he’d been cycling in for years.

A form of self-judgment that told him he was a bad man who failed his wife.

“I don’t have to be everything for her and nothing for myself,” Mauricio said with a smile on his face.

What if you could stop betraying yourself for your wife?

When a man beats himself up for what he didn’t do right in an interaction with his partner, he betrays himself. He creates a lot of suffering that he could avoid.

Once he realizes this, he can diminish the pain of sadness or anger that is often inevitable in conflict with his partner.

Do you want to reduce pain and eliminate suffering in your relationship?

If so, there’s an important distinction that will help you reduce the pain and eliminate the suffering you experience in your relationship.

That distinction starts with knowing the difference between pain, which is just a part of life, and suffering, which is self-inflicted and comes from not knowing better.

Check out two key tips that helped Mauricio get out of the doghouse to save his marriage in the video below.

Do you self-inflict suffering in your marriage?

Let’s put an end to that. You don’t need to exacerbate already difficult situations.

Imagine if you could navigate challenges with your wife or partner, sit in the fire of a hard interaction, and come out with calm, coolness, confidence, and yes, even more trust.

You can do right by her without beating yourself up about what you did wrong. Self-assessment doesn’t need to be self-crucifixion.

Get on track to becoming a powerful relational partner, to meet your needs and your partner’s.

Are you ready to reduce pain and eliminate suffering in your relationship?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on saving your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to shoot me a quick email is a huge act of courage.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, manhood, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

The post Reduce Pain And Eliminate Suffering In Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

I’ve been married to my wife for x number of years. I do A and she wants me to do B.

I ask her what she wants of me and she says I should just know. After so many years together, I still don’t know what she wants from me.

And then he´s left asking himself…

What does she want from me? And why won’t she say?

In the absence of knowing, I see two primary reactions from men.

The first guy says screw it and checks out. He tries to work as much as possible and just not deal with her.

He looks to get his needs met elsewhere in one or more ways. Overworking, drinking too much, smoking a lot of pot, excessive porn, hours of online poker, or seducing another woman. He´s the escaper.

The second guy takes it to heart. He tries really hard to be the guy his wife wants him to be. He does everything he can to try to make her happy. He´s the ass-kisser.

He over-commits and under-delivers, making things worse.

Which guy are you, the escaper or the ass-kisser?

Consider it for a moment. It’s not so much to call you out but to give you more information so you can do something about it.

Personally, I was the ass-kisser. I tried to listen to what my wife wanted from me. I listened and listened. And after a while, I thought, jeez, all she wants me to do is listen, what the hell’s the point?

And then I’d flip into the escaper. My fix was spirituality. I’d meditate a lot and do a ton of personal growth work to avoid my misery.

Ultimately, I was a dude stuck between escaping my marriage and trying to up my game.

It took me years to realize I was in a terrible inner war between these two parts of me. I was squeezed like a lemon in the middle, bitter and eventually without any juice.

Do you also feel trapped in your marriage?

If so, know this. Both strategies, escape and ass-kiss, have the same endgame. That is to make your partner´s unhappiness go away with the hope that then things could just be ok.

I recently coached a guy named Tim, a hot-shot commercial developer. Big performer. As in eight and nine-figure deals. As if that´s not stressful enough.

He´d work a 12-hour day, get home, clean the house and prepare dinner for his wife to ensure it was ready when she came home. He thought she had one foot out the door and he so desperately wanted her to stay.

“How long can you keep that up?” I asked him.

“It lasted two weeks.”

“No shit. That’s pretty good.”

“Screw you,” he said, knowing I was having fun with him. Humor is helpful in such moments.

“She’s dealing with a lot of stress right now at work and I just wanted to make things easier for her.”

“Great thought,” I said. “But shitty strategy.”

And so I asked Tim…

What if instead of martyring yourself you could just know what she wants?

For a lot of men, they fear the answer. It might be something they don´t like. Something that hits at the heart of their fear of rejection. So they don´t ask.

Instead, they spend years, escaping or ass-kissing.

When Tim asked me how to stop the pattern, I said something not so terrible that still infuriated him.

“Just be who you want to be with her.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

I paused. And as he exhaled, Tim admitted something unnerving.

“I don´t know who that is.”

I nodded, empathizing with him, then said, “The good thing is the man you want to be is the same guy that she wants you to be.”

He tipped his head forward, encouraging me to say more. And we got into it.

Over the course of the next several months, I helped Tim become the guy his wife wanted him to be. And that was not the man who kissed his wife´s ass to get her to stay. It was another guy.

Check out that guy in the 3-minute video below.

Tim quickly learned that the ass-kisser was a guy who his wife couldn´t trust. She knew he´d eventually disappear. And sure enough, after two weeks, he did.

But inside of Tim, there was another guy busting to come out. He’d always been there but Tim, having allowed his wife to hijack his self-confidence, didn´t know how to access him.

It was the guy who his wife wanted him to be but wouldn´t say. A guy who Tim also wanted to be.

And once he became that guy, he could achieve his ultimate goal, which wasn´t just to make his wife´s unhappiness go away. It was something deeper underneath that.

It was to be a guy who could finally just relax and enjoy his wife.

Do you want to relax in your marriage and just enjoy your wife?

If so, do like Tim did, a simple step. Shoot me a quick email to have a conversation guaranteed to get you a major “AHA” so you can relax in your marriage and enjoy your wife.

And if you’re not ready to chat, but are tired of scrolling through free internet content and youtube videos, check out The Men’s Relationship School. For half and likely less of your monthly energy bill, you’ll get…

• Three weekly live calls per month with me. Have your relationship questions answered.
• A group of guys to walk with you, so you don’t go it alone. A huge thing we guys miss.
• Books & resources to up your game, so you get new reframes & ideas.
• Action items to move you forward to where you want to be in your relationship.
• Audio recordings of prior calls to revisit key concepts & for days when you can’t make a call.

And if you´re not ready to take action and just want information, check out my free men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post The One Thing She Wants From You But Won´t Say appeared first on Stuart Motola.

If we go back, we remember. In the beginning, there was attraction. Great conversation. Physical intimacy. And a desire to be together a lot.

Then came the let’s commit phase. The desire to be monogamous. To spend even more time together. And of course, a lot of sex.

Then the dreaming together. To build a life together. Maybe even have children one day. The big M word. Marriage.

For many of us, it carried us along like a dream. And then one day reality hit.

Is your marriage like you dreamed it would be?

After years of marriage, often comes the taking for granted of one another. You’re married. It’s not so easy for your partner to leave.

Then comes the forgetting of one another. The becoming invisible. The losing one another in life’s busyness. In time, the dream of the marriage fizzles.

And it’s here that we may wonder who we are with this person. We may even wake up panicked in the middle of the night. Who is this person next to me? How did I get here?

It’s as if we are stuck in a small version of ourselves. Stuck in a ‘best we can get’ reality that feels confining. We have lost our ability to create the marriage that we want.

What is the #1 thing that stops you from creating the marriage that you want?

Maybe you’re like a lot of the individuals I talk with, who say, “It’s a lost cause. He’ll never change. She’ll never change.”

And yet underneath is something bigger. A fear. A fear of rejection. A fear that if I speak what I really want and don’t get it, then I’m really screwed.

The things we want in relationship are often really basic. Trust, emotional security, respect, to be seen and heard, to have physical and emotional intimacy, to experience connection.

Above all, we want to have a home in our partner. To feel like we can come to our partner with anything and be completely accepted and loved. But this rarely happens for many of us after years of marriage.

Do you have what you want in your marriage?

Often we don’t because in order to keep the marriage together, we go quiet. We stop talking to one another. We hide out from our partner.

We do so because we fear upsetting the daily rhythm. We’ve had too many experiences of things going sideways when we try to speak up.

And so, we begin to suppress our desires. Succinctly said, we betray ourselves.

We do it with the idea that, that’s what’s best for the marriage. To keep things smooth sailing. And yet inside it’s anything but smooth sailing.

Is your marriage smooth sailing?

What if creating the marriage you want is doing exactly what you fear – speaking up? What if you knew you had to rock the boat? Things have to get worse before they got better.

Well, that’s scary. And so, you seek guidance. That’s probably why you’re reading this – for guidance.

Let’s face it, when you have a good game plan, you can relax. You can prepare to execute on your plan with some measure of confidence.

Are you willing to act to create the marriage you want?

Well, I’ve got a good game plan for you that has helped many of my clients over the last fifteen years.

Check out these three key steps to get past the fear of rejection and go after what you want in your marriage.

Step one – deal with your fear of rejection. As you deal with that fear, you’ll learn how to rock the boat skillfully.

You’ll do it in a way that demonstrates to your partner that you getting what you want will help them get what they want. Win-win.

In the video below, discover steps two and three, including how to celebrate your partner’s wins to encourage them to give you even more of what you want.

Creating the marriage you want does not have to be complicated.

Along with an amazing game plan, it begins with your will to get into the trenches. Your motivation to take action.

To look at the cost you’ve paid for the status quo. And know that you’re no longer willing to pay that cost.

To hit a point of conviction where your fear of what you’ll lose is no match for what you know you want to gain.

Are you ready to avoid the thing that stops you from creating the marriage you want?

If so, shoot me a quick email. Let’s explore what’s possible for you.

And if you’re not ready for the deeper commitment and investment of 1:1 coaching, check out The Men’s Relationship School.

A school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship. I’m offering it for a low monthly fee of $89 and free for the month of October.

Don’t wait! Try it out for free now and learn how to…

• Have a strong backbone to GET THE RESPECT AND LOVE you want.
• STOP BEING INVISIBLE and start going after what you want in your relationship.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and stay bold and calm in the heat of conflict.

And for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men, join my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.

The post The #1 Thing That Stops You From Creating The Marriage You Want appeared first on Stuart Motola.

“And I feel like I have to take it on. I’m that guy, you know, who fixes it.

“And to be honest, I’m tired of it. It seems like it never stops. Whether it’s about the kids, her work, my behavior. She’s freaking hysterical most of the time.”

Are you married to an overly emotional woman?

Like my client Robert, you can feel like you have to take on your wife’s problems and emotions. You know, you’re a good guy. You want to make things right.

And at the same time, you may think, I wish she’d just calm the F down.

It’s super hard when you feel like your wife gets worked up easily about stuff.

Whether it’s the kids not listening or a problem at their school or with friends. She can act like the world is collapsing around her.

Does your wife make a big deal out of little stuff?

At a loss for what to do, a lot of guys go into fixer mode.

Well, the problem is fixing doesn’t work well with her, as you may have noticed. It certainly did not work well for Robert.

And instead of enjoying his marriage with his wife, Robert felt like his marriage was just a royal pain in the ass.

Often, he felt split. Separated between a part of him that honestly didn’t want to deal with his wife and her drama anymore. And a part that wanted to be a loving husband, a good guy who could show up as best he could.

But nothing ever seemed to be enough for her.

Is nothing ever enough for your wife?

Let’s face it, it doesn’t help but we hear it often – women are just more emotional than men.

Great, you might say to yourself, I know that, but what the hell am I supposed to do with that information?

If you’re like me, you don’t just want information, you want action. You want to be able to help her to chill out. You want to get your marriage back.

It makes absolute sense that guys would want a calm, fluid marriage without drama. And like Robert, maybe you try to achieve that by stepping into the storm with your wife.

You want to be that good guy who shows up and is there for her.

What if you could show up with your wife in a way that re-energized your marriage and didn’t drain you?

If you want that, check out the video below to see what Robert did with some simple coaching and accountability.

You see, Robert was that guy who wanted the calm, not the storm, with his wife. But when she went into her normal upset, he took it all on.

Whether it was taking responsibility for stuff with the kids that he didn’t want to deal with or he didn’t even think was a problem in the first place. Or trying to coach his wife to have a better perspective on things. It all failed.

In the midst of it all, Robert experienced a whole range of emotions, and in the attempt to keep calm, he shot himself in the foot and made things worse.

Do you sometimes feel like your efforts to do good backfire on you?

To keep the calm, Robert shut down his emotions. So of course, he did a version of that with his wife.

And trying to fix her like she was a problem backfired on him. In fact, it made his wife resentful. And that got him even more jacked up.

Do you allow your wife to get you jacked up?

Paradoxically, doing so is a form of empathy. It’s unconscious. We think that if we can take things on, we are being a good guy. But it’s not what we ultimately want.

The truth is the best way to stay calm and confident is to stop putting yourself in front of the train wreck and instead, stand to the side of it.

Get a little bit of distance. So you can stay in your bold and calm center.

Do you want to be the force of calm in your marriage?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

And if you’re not ready to talk 1:1, check out the NEW Men’s Relationship School (formerly Men’s Relationship Tools) to learn how to…

• BE AN EMPOWERED MAN in a fulfilling relationship with an empowered woman.
• HAVE A STRONG BACKBONE with her to get respect and love.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and stay bold and calm in the heat of conflict.

Also included will be…

• BRIEF RECORDINGS OF WEEKLY CALLS to inspire you into “wise action” in your relationship.
• WEEKLY ACTION ITEMS to keep you accountable to create what you want with your partner.
• OPPORTUNITIES FOR PERSONAL CONNECTION with other men also seeking to get out of the relationship “suck zone.”

Can’t make the call? No problem. Join my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items.

The post How To Deal With A Hysterical Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.