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	<title>create desire Archives - Stuart Motola</title>
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		<title>Get Past The Burden Of Feeling Like A Failure To Her</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/get-past-the-burden-of-feeling-like-a-failure-to-her/</link>
					<comments>https://www.stuartmotola.com/get-past-the-burden-of-feeling-like-a-failure-to-her/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Mar 2025 16:00:28 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Inner freedom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what she needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[A good husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Being a man in relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[inner freedom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men's work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The man she wants you to be]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The way of the superior man]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3700</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Your wife is not happy. Her job is frustrating as heck. The kids aren’t listening to her. And you’re not enough for her. Just hearing all this makes my stomach cringe. To be married to a woman laden with problems is overwhelming for a guy. Often his natural response is to take on the burden of her unhappiness and compound [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/get-past-the-burden-of-feeling-like-a-failure-to-her/">Get Past The Burden Of Feeling Like A Failure To Her</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Your wife is not happy. Her job is frustrating as heck. The kids aren’t listening to her. And you’re not enough for her.</p>
<p>Just hearing all this makes my stomach cringe. To be married to a woman laden with problems is overwhelming for a guy.</p>
<p>Often his natural response is to take on the burden of her unhappiness and compound it by feeling like a failure if he can’t help her make things better.</p>
<h2>Do you take on the burden of your wife’s problems?</h2>
<p>An immature woman will blame a man for not perfectly supporting her or making things better.</p>
<p>A mature woman will take responsibility for her situation. She will notice her mindset, her attitude, and her projections.</p>
<p>Note, this is not easy and takes a lot of work to gain this level of maturity, for men and women.</p>
<p>To be honest, many of my clients are in a relationship with an immature woman. And to be clear, this doesn’t mean she’s to blame for your relationship problems.</p>
<p>What’s more important to look at is how you enable her immaturity and take it on as your problem to solve.</p>
<h2>Do you enable immature behavior in your wife?</h2>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Enabling happens in many different ways, such as fixing, pleasing, rescuing. Anything that you would do to try to “make her better.”</span></strong></p>
<p>I know this dynamic firsthand as it’s been my own personal dynamic in relationship. As a coach, I can go into classic fixer behavior.</p>
<p>But the problem is that when I do the fixer bit, my partner becomes a burden to me, to such an extent that I can lose my shit and want to push the eject button.</p>
<p>And then I become untrustworthy.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">If you’re acting from a compensating behavior such as a pleaser, fixer, or rescuer, you’re taking a burden onto yourself which is unsustainable. Until you recognize that, you’ll blame her for being the problem.</span></strong></p>
<h2>What’s your compensating behavior in your relationship?</h2>
<p>All these behaviors are a burden to you and they get even further compounded when you use a self-talk script of “<em>I failed her.</em>”</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">You can’t be powerful in relationship when you feel overwhelmed and burdened.</span></strong></p>
<p>The first step to taking back your power is noticing your compensating behaviors and how they further compound your relationship challenges.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">So the compensating behavior is not about her, it’s about you trying to heal a deep wound within yourself &#8211; be it neglect, abandonment, or some other form of abuse.</span></strong></p>
<p>Noticing hooks and triggers is the start of you owning your shit and taking charge of it, instead of dumping it onto her with blame or judgment.</p>
<p>The next step is standing side-by-side with your partner, listening and loving, without offering too much advice, if any.</p>
<p>This means listening to her problems without taking it on as your problem but staying compassionate.</p>
<h2>Do you want to let go of the burdens in your relationship?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below for three quick tips on how to diminish the burden so that you can be in your power to create the marriage you want.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_35454"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/RDALfc8mloo?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Let’s face it, we’re in a relationship to experience a richer and bigger life. If we feel burdened, weighted, or stressed frequently, our relationship suffers.</span></strong></p>
<p>We are not achieving the mission of a bigger, richer life with a partner.</p>
<p>Note, this is different than the immature expectation of being completed or made whole by a partner.</p>
<p>This is a form of codependence and causes unhealthy relational dynamics.</p>
<h2>How can you get healthy in your relationship today?</h2>
<p>Take the first step and <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">let’s have a quick chat</a></strong>.</p>
<p>A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your partner’s verbose ways. I’d be honored to hear from you.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, <strong>try out the</strong> <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Men’s Relationship Tools</a></strong> <strong>for free</strong>.</p>
<p>It’s also a great way to get to know me and see if my coaching style is a fit for you.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/get-past-the-burden-of-feeling-like-a-failure-to-her/">Get Past The Burden Of Feeling Like A Failure To Her</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>I Want More Sex Than My Wife</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/</link>
					<comments>https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:00:35 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[make her]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what she needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Intimacy issues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Make her happy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rekindle attraction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3590</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Disclaimer: crude content. The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body. You want to have more sex than your wife. Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex. It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/">I Want More Sex Than My Wife</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Disclaimer: crude content.</p>
<p>The truth is in your cock. It’s in your balls. The evidence is in your body.</p>
<p>You want to have more sex than your wife.</p>
<p>Maybe she’s distant. She’s cold. She’s timid, closed off, or uninterested in sex.</p>
<p>It feels like a slap in the face. A closed door to a critical part of you. You’re a man, for crying out loud. You have needs.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">You feel most loved, admired, and respected when your partner is open to you sexually.</span></strong></p>
<p>When that door shuts, it’s as if you’re left stranded on a desert island without food or water. You feel starved.</p>
<p>At worst, it can cause you to feel desperate, in pain, and even lose hope in your relationship.</p>
<p>True or false? You feel most connected emotionally with your partner when you feel connected sexually.</p>
<p>And yet you can be shamed for this. You hear things from her (or as a client recently told me, from his female therapist) like…</p>
<p>“All you care about is sex.”</p>
<p>“You’re a cliché man.”</p>
<p>“I’m not your sexual object.”</p>
<h2>Do you want more sex than your wife?</h2>
<p>In today’s culture, it’s easy for you to feel shamed for your desires.</p>
<p>Hell, you might even be saying to yourself, <em>I’m a good guy. It’s not like I’m hiring a prostitute or having an affair. It’s my wife, for cryin’ out loud</em>.</p>
<p>(And no shame on those guys who are having affairs or hiring prostitutes. I’m not in the moral judgment business but in the business of understanding unmet human needs and how to bring them back into integrity.)</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">It can feel like a life sentence when you want more sex than your wife.</span></strong></p>
<p>I know. I lived it for many years in my marriage.</p>
<p>Sometimes I thought it was god’s cruel joke that she needed to connect emotionally before becoming sexual, all the while it was the opposite for me.</p>
<h2>Do you struggle with the emotional-sexual divide in your marriage?</h2>
<p>It can feel like a bit of a cluster fuck. You want to figure it out.</p>
<p>And in the process of trying to do so, you feel damned if you act on it and damned if you don’t.</p>
<p>Of course, the internet has all kinds of tips &#8211; talk to her about it, get it out in the open, make her feel loved, and on and on.</p>
<p>And yet in trying to implement, it’s easy to face plant and get even more frustrated.</p>
<h2>How have you attempted to solve your sexual challenges?</h2>
<p>Most guys try one of the four below.</p>
<p>A. Attempt to do everything to make her happy and score points so she’ll open up to you sexually.<br />
(That was my strategy)</p>
<p>B. Ignore it and make the best of it.</p>
<p>C. Use porn and live in fantasies.</p>
<p>D. Get attention at a massage parlor or strip club.</p>
<h2>How do you deal with wanting more sex than your wife?</h2>
<p>Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The lack of sexual fulfillment is on the top level, a symptom.</p>
<p>Underneath are a bunch of other problems.</p>
<p>And to be candid, these may very well be problems in your marriage that you may not want to deal with.</p>
<p>Frankly, it might feel like too much work. And if that’s so, that’s great information.</p>
<p>It helps you get clear on where you want to put your energy, and what your higher priorities are.</p>
<p>You get to decide how you want to do you.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">But if you effectively deal with those deeper problems, you’re in a much greater position to create the sexually fulfilling marriage that you seek.</span></strong></p>
<h2>Do you like your sex life as it is or do you want to create something better?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below to work on the deeper problems stopping you from creating the sexually fulfilling marriage you seek.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_65525"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XTMJR8Bjeds?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Sex is primal. And at the same time, after years of marriage, we can lose access to that primal energy.</p>
<p>Sex can become mundane.</p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">When there’s no aliveness in you and your life, it makes perfect sense that you’ll experience deadness in the bedroom.</span></strong></p>
<p>Without curiosity and variety, things flatline in relationship.</p>
<p>An unfulfilled sexual life is just a symptom of where you’ve flatlined with your partner.</p>
<h2>Are you ready to bring more aliveness to your marriage and bedroom?</h2>
<p>If so, <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">let’s have a quick chat</a>.</strong> A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage or just know who the hell I am to consider coaching, check out the <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Men’s Relationship Tools</a></strong>.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/i-want-more-sex-than-my-wife/">I Want More Sex Than My Wife</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>One Way To Really Understand Your Wife</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/one-way-to-really-understand-your-wife/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Nov 2024 17:10:53 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what she needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[A good husband]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Being a man in relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The man she wants you to be]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3444</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Ok, warning. Bad wife joke. There are two times in his life when a man doesn&#8217;t understand women. Before marriage and after marriage. True or false? Funny or tragic? You decide. For me, it tends towards the tragic. That’s due to the depth of suffering I see in men struggling to understand their female partners. When that partner is your [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/one-way-to-really-understand-your-wife/">One Way To Really Understand Your Wife</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Ok, warning. Bad wife joke.</p>
<p>There are two times in his life when a man doesn&#8217;t understand women. Before marriage and after marriage.</p>
<p>True or false? Funny or tragic? You decide.</p>
<p>For me, it tends towards the tragic. That’s due to the depth of suffering I see in men struggling to understand their female partners.</p>
<p>When that partner is your wife, it speaks to a lifelong struggle to understand the one person you’ve committed to in marriage.</p>
<h2>Do you struggle to understand your wife?</h2>
<p>If so, you might fall into thoughts of…</p>
<p><em>She can never be happy. I can’t seem to do anything right.</em></p>
<p>It’s as if your wife is a mystery puzzle that you can’t unlock until you give up altogether and say, “F*#% It.”</p>
<h2>What if you could really understand your wife?</h2>
<p>It’s actually not rocket science. The answer is right in front of you.</p>
<p>You see, there’s a way that women give us the clarity we seek up front with their words, their complaints, and their upsets.</p>
<p>But we don’t receive the transmission. We are unable to decipher what’s implied within her words.</p>
<p>Instead, we stay trapped in how we failed or what we didn’t do right. We personalize her words. We make it about our self and our failure.</p>
<h2>Do you feel like you’ve failed in your marriage?</h2>
<p>When we make her complaints about our self, we miss the first step in decoding what’s really underneath those complaints.</p>
<p>We miss the fact that her unhappiness is about her. It’s about how she feels upset, helpless or unsafe. It’s not about you or your failure.</p>
<p>She might say it’s about you &#8211; <em>you don’t understand me, you don’t see me, you don’t put the dishes in the sink</em> &#8211; but underneath is an opportunity to see through her words to understand what’s really going on with her.</p>
<p>This is called cultivating Jedi vision. Yeah, you know, like Yoda seeing. To see what she can’t see.</p>
<h2>Would you like to see what your wife can’t?</h2>
<p>If so, check out the video below in which I speak to how to decode your wife’s complaints to get at what she’s really asking of you.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_89409"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/T-IHfsioqZQ?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>In truth, many men don’t care if they understand their wife. It’s just a means to something else &#8211; peace.</p>
<p>Think of the guy who says he just wants to be left alone. This is the lazy man’s version of peace. When it happens, he lives a lonely, disconnected life with an absent partner.</p>
<p>Well, here’s the straight up truth. Understanding her is the pathway to peace and more &#8211; love, respect, trust, and unwavering connection.</p>
<h2>Do you want love, respect, trust, and connection in your marriage?</h2>
<p>If so, here’s an invitation to get out of yourself. Release the burden of holding her upset. To get free to really understand her &#8211; yes, even if it stings.</p>
<p>An invitation to learn to absorb the sting, brush it off, and become a caring, assertive, and vulnerable warrior she’s awed by.</p>
<p>Are you ready to become the man she seeks?</p>
<p>If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.</p>
<p>A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to really understand your wife to build a better marriage.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/mensrelationshiptools/"><strong>Men’s Relationship Tools</strong></a> where I am helping men step into action to enhance sex, passion, trust, and confidence in their relationship.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/one-way-to-really-understand-your-wife/">One Way To Really Understand Your Wife</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-stops-you-from-getting-passion-back-in-your-marriage/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 31 Oct 2024 16:00:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Inner freedom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[men divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[The way of the superior man]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3409</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>We’ve been together 7 years, a man says. We’ve been together 12 years, says another. We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy. What do all these guys have in common? All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages. Passion. It often fades in a [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-stops-you-from-getting-passion-back-in-your-marriage/">What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>We’ve been together 7 years, a man says.</p>
<p>We’ve been together 12 years, says another.</p>
<p>We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy.</p>
<h2>What do all these guys have in common?</h2>
<p>All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;"><strong>Passion. It often fades in a long-term relationship. Aliveness, a sense of a spark, excitement, connection, sex.</strong></span></h3>
<p>Guys want passion. Women want passion too. All humans want passion.</p>
<p>It seems to be this universal desire as if it’s a right of ours to have passion in our primary relationship.</p>
<p>People are saying to themselves, “I have a right to experience passion, to get out of the dead zone in my marriage, it’s killing me.”</p>
<p>And yet so many people struggle with attaining passion.</p>
<h2>Do you lack passion in your relationship?</h2>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">It’s one thing to want passion. It’s another to sabotage it. And so, often your desire for something else is sabotaging passion.</span></h3>
<p>And that something else is… Can you guess what it is?</p>
<p>Drumroll, please…. It is comfort, safety, and security.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Too much safety, too much comfort kills passion. Passion grows out of uncertainty and risk.</span></h3>
<p>Now don’t get me wrong, safety is critical as a baseline quality to any long-term relationship.</p>
<p>But most people have flatlined in their relationship precisely because somewhere down the road, they chose safety over passion.</p>
<p>They live in an inner script of….</p>
<p><em>Well, you know, she gets upset when I say the wrong word, so I don’t say anything anymore.</em></p>
<p>Or…</p>
<p><em>Yeah, she hates it when I ask for sex. I got tired of her rejecting me, so I stopped asking.</em></p>
<p>It’s safe to retreat or disengage. But it won’t get you the passion you seek in your relationship.</p>
<h2>Do you choose safety over passion in your relationship?</h2>
<p>If so, I get it, we need to be safe &#8211; emotionally, physically, psychologically &#8211; in a long-term relationship.</p>
<p>We need to feel that sense of a safe home in our partner. A place we can rest, experience calm, a sense of respite from the world. But again…</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Too much safety leads to a flatlined, dead relationship.</span></h3>
<h2>So where are you willing to get unsafe in your relationship?</h2>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Maybe you’ve taken risks but they didn’t work out. Then, you just recoiled back into safety.</span></h3>
<p>“I asked her out on a date night and she said no.”</p>
<p>“I tried to do that blindfold thing I’ve been fantasizing about, but she wouldn’t go for it.”</p>
<p>“I touched her on the inside of her arm like she asked me to and then she told me I did it wrong.”</p>
<p>Risks are important but the right risks are even more important.</p>
<h2>Are you taking the right risks in your relationship, if any at all?</h2>
<p>Risks that get you payoffs.</p>
<p>Risks that honor where you are and help you with the next step needed to move forward into passion.</p>
<p>Risks that won’t crush you if things go south.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Take the right risk at the right time and succeed. And then the next risk and the next.</span></h3>
<p>Build a bridge of risks to get you across that river that’s been keeping you stuck on the shores of deadness.</p>
<h2>Do you want to learn how to bring passion back into your marriage?</h2>
<p>Check out the video below to discover how stepping into the right risks will bring the passion back to your relationship.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_84814"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/peR4YPAmJb4?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>“The level of passion in your relationship is commensurate to the level of risk you’re willing to tolerate in your relationship,” Tony Robbins once said.</p>
<p>It’s a powerful statement that speaks precisely to why risk-averse individuals have no passion in their relationship.</p>
<p>It may be where you feel stuck right now.</p>
<h2>Are you willing to take a risk right now?</h2>
<p>If so, take that first step and let’s have a quick chat.</p>
<p>A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to build your risk tolerance to bring passion back into your relationship.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real to explore how you can move ahead in your relationship.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a>.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-stops-you-from-getting-passion-back-in-your-marriage/">What Stops You From Getting Passion Back In Your Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife?</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/</link>
					<comments>https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Oct 2024 16:00:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[what she needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The man she wants you to be]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=3258</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>My client *Jacob is a powerhouse at work, in a field in which his highly specialized legal expertise in corporate mergers is in high demand. But at home, his power wanes. He is like many men I talk with. His wife is distant, and emotionally cold. Intimacy in his marriage is lacking. Lack of sex in a marriage is a [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/">Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My client *Jacob is a powerhouse at work, in a field in which his highly specialized legal expertise in corporate mergers is in high demand. But at home, his power wanes.</p>
<p>He is like many men I talk with. His wife is distant, and emotionally cold. Intimacy in his marriage is lacking.</p>
<p>Lack of sex in a marriage is a big deal to many men. And of course, to many women as well. But it tends to come up more with men.</p>
<p>Jacob wasn’t having sex with his wife often. As a result, he was hungry for it. And over time, he felt needy and even desperate.</p>
<h2>Is your sex life lacking with your wife?</h2>
<p>If so, like Jacob, maybe you pursue strategies to get more intimacy. Sometimes, even unconsciously.</p>
<p>Jacob did a lot of kind and nice things for his wife. He loved her and he wanted to make her happy. He wanted things to be good with her.</p>
<p>But underneath his good intentions, he wanted something in return. Something he feared asking for.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">Jacob made an internal bargain that said… if I can help her get her needs met, then maybe she’ll meet mine.</span></h3>
<p>Do you unconsciously bargain for your needs with your wife?</p>
<p>“So what are those needs of yours?” I ask Jacob.</p>
<p>“Ummm,” he pauses. He’s not sure how to answer.</p>
<p>I help him out and go straight to the point.</p>
<p>“Is it sex?” I say.</p>
<p>He smiles like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.</p>
<p>“Yes, sex. Is that so terrible? I mean, for god’s sake, she’s my wife. I do so much for her… and…”</p>
<p>A story of a desperate man pours forth. I have empathy for him. I was there myself in a 25-year marriage.</p>
<p>“She’s always so busy, with the house, the kids, her mom, her job, and then I come last.”</p>
<h2>Do you feel like sex is last on your wife’s list?</h2>
<p>Jacob wants to justify himself and his needs. But that’s not necessary.</p>
<p>More than justifying, I want him to know he still has power. He can actually use his desperation to get back into his strength.</p>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">A man’s desperation for sex sabotages his sex life with his partner. It is a form of sex repellent to her.</span></h3>
<p>It’s through his power that Jacob will get the love he seeks, not by groveling for sex or being needy.</p>
<p>Over the course of our conversation, desperation spills forth in other ways.</p>
<p>Jacob is not just desperate for sex. He’s desperate for touch. Desperate for attention. Desperate for affection.</p>
<h2>Do you seek more touch and affection with your wife?</h2>
<h3><span style="color: #0cbdd8;">In the absence of touch and affection, it’s easy for a man to lose his power, focusing solely on the lack in his lower region.</span></h3>
<p>“Do you feel needy with your wife?” I ask.</p>
<p>He pauses. Again, he doesn’t want to admit what is obvious.</p>
<p>“Not so much needy,” he says. “But more like invisible and angry.”</p>
<p>Okay, subtle distinction. Let’s call a spade a spade. Jacob was feeling needy.</p>
<p>And his neediness was a turn off to his wife. She felt like she was with a little boy, not a man. That drove Jacob nuts.</p>
<h2>Is needy behavior sabotaging your sex life?</h2>
<p>I point out the neediness to him. He concedes to it.</p>
<p>“Yes, I feel needy. But she….”</p>
<p>I pause him. I turn the tables, to see how neediness on his wife’s part would attract him.</p>
<p>“So what do I do with these desperate feelings?” Jacob asks me.</p>
<p>In the video below, see what I told Jacob &#8211; how to go from desperation to being in charge of your sex life in your marriage.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_79074"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SoOvJMqfKFQ?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Are you in a sexless marriage?</p>
<p>Do you sometimes feel desperate sexually?</p>
<p>If so, then there&#8217;s a good chance that you are repelling your partner&#8217;s sexuality.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s right, without even knowing it, you may be wearing&#8230; god forbid&#8230; sex repellant.</p>
<p>To help you get clarity on how to command your sex life again, let’s have a quick chat.</p>
<p>A guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to revitalize your marriage.</p>
<p>And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step to <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong> is an act of courage.</p>
<p><em>*Jacob is a fictional name used for client confidentiality.</em></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/are-you-sabotaging-your-sex-life-with-your-wife/">Are You Sabotaging Your Sex Life With Your Wife?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>2 Tips To Revive Sex &#038; Passion In A Marriage</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/</link>
					<comments>https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Apr 2024 16:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexless marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4779</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>My client Tim, a 46-year-old software CEO, is crushing it at work. But he feels trapped at home.“With all my success, I kind of feel entitled,” he says. “What do you mean?” I ask. “Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again. “I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/">2 Tips To Revive Sex &#038; Passion In A Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My client Tim, a 46-year-old software CEO, is crushing it at work. But he feels trapped at home.“With all my success, I kind of feel entitled,” he says.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” I ask.</p>
<p>“Well…” He looks down for a moment before looking up again.</p>
<p>“I mean, you know why I’m here. My marriage is failing. And even though it’s not true, I feel like my wife should want me”</p>
<h2>Do you experience success at work and struggle at home?</h2>
<p>Tim’s wife has shut down on him. He experiences distance from her. And a lack of trust.</p>
<p>“She says I’m not emotionally available to her. I work too much. “</p>
<p>“And can you relate to that?” I ask.</p>
<p>“Yes, but how does she expect us to have the nice lifestyle we have?”</p>
<p>I nod.</p>
<h2>Are you abundant career-wise but impoverished in love?</h2>
<p>So… you may be thinking, what a cliché. Poor rich guy can’t get sex from his wife. But Tim is a real guy suffering.</p>
<p>He’s trying to find answers to why his wife is shut down on him.</p>
<p>He hasn’t been intimate with her for months. His heart hurts.</p>
<h2>Has your wife shut the door on you when it comes to sex?</h2>
<p>Tim and I talk about how trust is a huge factor for a woman to open up sexually.</p>
<p>“She has to feel emotionally safe,” I say.</p>
<p>But there’s another factor that he has not taken into consideration.</p>
<p>And that’s that she’s his only source of emotional intimacy. That is, at least when she’s open to him. And she hasn’t been for years.</p>
<h2>Is your wife the primary person you rely on for sharing your deeper thoughts and emotions?</h2>
<p>If so, like Tim, that’s a problem. It leads to something Tim discovered, called enmeshment.</p>
<p>Too much enmeshment kills a couple’s sex life.</p>
<h2>Do you want to have a better relationship and sex life with your partner?</h2>
<p>If so, check out the video below to discover two HUGE tips to revive sex and passion in your relationship.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_36343"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KSIfkWJuxoI?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Life presents us with challenges. Will you step up?</p>
<p>Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.</p>
<p>Step up to the plate, grow, and give it your best shot. You are the kind of man I help.</p>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Shoot me a quick email</a>,</strong> and let’s talk.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/2-tips-to-revive-sex-passion-in-a-marriage/">2 Tips To Revive Sex &#038; Passion In A Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/my-wife-wont-have-sex-with-me/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Mar 2024 17:00:18 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mens work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4747</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Dave, an eight-figure portfolio manager, manages and takes significant risks consistently in his professional life. But when it comes to his marriage, he’s surprisingly risk-averse. His wife has closed off to him. She’s sexually shut down on him. Has your partner shut down on you sexually? Sex was the initial concern for which Dave came to see me. “I can’t [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/my-wife-wont-have-sex-with-me/">My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Dave, an eight-figure portfolio manager, manages and takes significant risks consistently in his professional life.</p>
<p>But when it comes to his marriage, he’s surprisingly risk-averse.</p>
<p>His wife has closed off to him. She’s sexually shut down on him.</p>
<h2>Has your partner shut down on you sexually?</h2>
<p>Sex was the initial concern for which Dave came to see me.</p>
<p>“I can’t live like this,” he says. “I have needs, and I won’t go out of the marriage. I’m not a massage parlor, titty bar, or escort kind of guy. Honestly, I feel trapped.”</p>
<p>“Let me ask you something,” I reply. “Do you connect with your wife intimately in other ways beyond sex?”</p>
<p>He pauses and looks away for a moment. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Do you share time together? Do you share your hearts with each other?”</p>
<p>“No,” he says.</p>
<h2>Do you share your heart with your partner?</h2>
<p>Dave continues, “I’m not even sure what it would look like to share my heart with her or her with me.”</p>
<p>“Makes sense,” I say. “So… until now you’ve primarily seen sex as the way to experience intimacy. Correct?”</p>
<p>“I guess. Of course, I want her heart with me when we’re having sex.”</p>
<p>“Great. So, for now… are you open to learning how to cultivate emotional intimacy with your wife without sex? Again, for now. This is a step towards the sex piece.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely. With you saying it will help our sex life.”</p>
<p>Thinking, he strokes his pepper grey goatee. “And I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know if she’d even be open to that.”</p>
<h2>Are you open to emotional intimacy that doesn’t result in sex with your wife?</h2>
<p>“Does this feel risky to you, Dave?” I ask him.</p>
<p>“Somewhat,” he says, understating the obvious. “That’s why we’re talking. I mean, honestly, it all feels like a bit of a minefield.”</p>
<p>I pause for a moment, then ask an important question.</p>
<p>“What if you bring your risk-tolerant mindset from work to your marriage? Of course, knowing you’re still learning the ropes when it comes to your relationship.”</p>
<p>He thinks for a moment. “Sounds good to me.”</p>
<h2>Are you more comfortable taking risks at work than in your marriage?</h2>
<p>In the video below, discover the greatest threat to your ability to create a fulfilling emotional and sexual life with your partner, and how to get past it.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_46617"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UITCbAT5Gog?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>After a few months of working together, the roadmap becomes clear for Dave.</p>
<p>He has jumped in fully, done the work between our calls, and started to grab the steering wheel of his marriage.</p>
<p>“She is opening. And I feel less threatened by the whole situation. More sex would be great, but things are getting better. Patience, I know.”</p>
<p>“You’re feeling more empowered to ask for what you want?” I say. “More hopeful for the future of your marriage?”</p>
<p>“Yes, for sure,” he says. “I’m trusting we’ll get there and I now have the tools to do that.”</p>
<p>Dave took a risk in talking with me. He took a risk by stepping into some daunting terrain. It started with a simple first step.</p>
<h2>Are you ready to get past what’s keeping you from having the intimacy you seek with your partner?</h2>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">Shoot me a quick email</a></strong> and let’s talk.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/my-wife-wont-have-sex-with-me/">My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>Guys, 1 Tip To Make Your Holidays Awesome</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/make-your-holidays-awesome/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Dec 2023 17:00:55 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The man she wants you to be]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=1870</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>The holidays can be a super-challenging time for many men. The spending of money on often superfluous gifts. Trying to be &#8220;joyful&#8221; with your partner when you&#8217;re not. The sense of obligation to be on your best behavior. It can all leave a guy dreading the holidays. Yet these are the mere symptoms. The real source of a man&#8217;s dread is the sense that [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/make-your-holidays-awesome/">Guys, 1 Tip To Make Your Holidays Awesome</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The holidays can be a super-challenging time for many men.</p>
<p>The spending of money on often superfluous gifts.<br />
Trying to be &#8220;joyful&#8221; with your partner when you&#8217;re not.<br />
The sense of obligation to be on your best behavior.</p>
<p>It can all leave a guy dreading the holidays. Yet these are the mere symptoms.</p>
<p>The real source of a man&#8217;s dread is the sense that he has to behave his way through his partner&#8217;s holiday agenda.</p>
<p>He struggles to assert himself to co-lead the holiday program. And in the absence of that, everything feels like an obligation instead of a shared desire.</p>
<h2><strong>Do you want to enjoy the holidays this year?</strong></h2>
<p>If so, do this. Claim what you want for yourself and your family this holiday season.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t just be a passenger on your partner&#8217;s holiday program. Take initiative, co-pilot, and be a co-creator in holiday activities.</p>
<p>Yes, you can do this, even if you&#8217;ve followed your partner&#8217;s lead for 15 years. Even if she questions you. I know. That was my deal.</p>
<p>And being a co-creator means first getting clear on what you want for your holidays, then speaking it to your partner, and then making clear agreements with her about what the holidays will look like.</p>
<p>That could be as simple as you saying you want to go for a walk outside on Christmas or New Year&#8217;s Day.</p>
<p>Or cooking a dish that you want, in addition to the traditional holiday fare.</p>
<p>Or the desire to create time for you and your family to speak about what you&#8217;re grateful for.</p>
<h2><strong>What would your best holidays look like?</strong></h2>
<p>The default for most guys is to resign themselves to sitting on the sidelines and letting their partner take the lead. To not rock the boat.</p>
<p>But you know what that looks like &#8211; a lot of obligations. You can do better.</p>
<p>When I feared my wife rejecting my wants, I still went after them.</p>
<p>&#8220;Ok,&#8221; I said. &#8220;You guys don&#8217;t want to go for a walk on Christmas day. Well, I&#8217;m going to take an hour to walk by myself.&#8221;</p>
<p>And super important was to include the benefits to her of me getting what I wanted.</p>
<p>&#8220;And this will actually allow me to be more present with you and Jake (our son) and enjoy our time together,&#8221; I added.</p>
<p>No fights. Win-win.</p>
<p>If this sounds nuts to you, chances are it&#8217;s just what you need. Resistance has a way of showing us exactly what we need.</p>
<h2><strong>What&#8217;s possible for you this holiday season?</strong></h2>
<p>Let go of your resentments and embrace joy together this holiday season.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t just be on your best behavior for the kids but actually love one another.</p>
<p>Use the holidays as a time to reignite your relationship.</p>
<p>And if you need a little help, take the first step, and <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/make-your-holidays-awesome/">Guys, 1 Tip To Make Your Holidays Awesome</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>What Is Sexual Confidence For A Man?</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-is-sexual-confidence-for-a-man/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Oct 2023 16:00:07 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Being a man in relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sexless relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The way of the superior man]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4481</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Nate has reached his breaking point. He’s fed up. He crushes it as a CEO of a tech company by day. But can’t control his wife. “Goddamnit she’s gonna give it to me. I’m sick of this crap.” Nate’s Scottish complexion goes red. “I hear your emotion, Nate,” I say. “But how would you feel if somebody were saying those [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-is-sexual-confidence-for-a-man/">What Is Sexual Confidence For A Man?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Nate has reached his breaking point. He’s fed up.</p>
<p>He crushes it as a CEO of a tech company by day. But can’t control his wife.</p>
<p>“Goddamnit she’s gonna give it to me. I’m sick of this crap.”</p>
<p>Nate’s Scottish complexion goes red.</p>
<p>“I hear your emotion, Nate,” I say. “But how would you feel if somebody were saying those words to you?</p>
<p>“Repulsed.”</p>
<h2>Do you sometimes feel like you want to demand sex from your wife?</h2>
<p>“Get in touch with the emotion behind the words,” I offer Nate.</p>
<p>He nods, goes quiet. “Pissed off.”</p>
<p>“Trapped?” I offer.</p>
<p>“Absolutely,” he says.</p>
<p>Nate describes feeling like he’s in an elevator with the doors closing in on him, one foot in the elevator, the other out.</p>
<p>A man who doesn’t know if he should get off at what floor.</p>
<p>A man who doesn’t know where he’s going &#8211; up or down.</p>
<h2>What’s the point of staying married if your wife shuts down sex?</h2>
<p>I offer Nate the chance to connect with the trapped feeling, the anger, the sense of feeling small.</p>
<p>“Where’s it stem? Come from?” I say.</p>
<p>“It’s her,” he says.</p>
<p>Sure, she’s got a part in this. But he has to get to the core, his wound, his neediness, his unfulfilled needs. Nate is stuck in his own trap of blame.</p>
<p>“It’s one thing to be needy and another to have unfulfilled needs,” I say to him.</p>
<p>Nate nods his head. But he’s still fixated on her.</p>
<h2>What if she still says no?</h2>
<p>“More than focusing on her yes or no focus on this,” I say. “Will you be OK if she says no?”</p>
<p>A pause. He considers it. “Well I guess I’ve been OK up until now.”</p>
<p>I’m not so sure he has been.</p>
<h2>Do you feel needy with your wife when it comes to sex?</h2>
<p>When you’re needy, you’re fragile. You diminish your resilience in the face of rejection.</p>
<p>With resilience comes strength. This is the foundation of improving your sexual relationship.</p>
<p>“So, I should be ok not getting it?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“What the hell good are you?” he says.</p>
<p>“Good question. Nate, I’m offering a long-game strategy into sexual confidence. Your short-game strategy of neediness and demands hasn’t gotten you what you want. Has it?”</p>
<p>He nods. “So now what?”</p>
<p>“Think about what’s at stake here.”</p>
<p>Nate looked at me, spoke about his kids, his love of his family, his home, and the love that he still has for his wife.</p>
<p>“Seems kind of childish to stake all that on my cock,” he says.</p>
<p>“Yes. And you have unfulfilled needs. Let’s honor both. Your family and your needs.”</p>
<p>Nate digs in with me for the next 6 weeks. He’s willing to play a long game. Are you?</p>
<p>Discover how you can play the long game of sexual confidence in your relationship.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_23730"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Wd27TAJpye8?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>Sexual confidence is not built in a day.</p>
<p>It’s not “I got lucky.”</p>
<p>Not “I got laid.”</p>
<p>It’s “I am willing to confront the challenges ahead of me and give it my best shot with strength, resilience, and wise strategies.”</p>
<p>We essentially have to re-program ourselves as men.</p>
<p>That’s what Nate did &#8211; built resilience, confidence, and reconfigured how he approached sex with his wife.</p>
<p>For men and women going through big transitions in life and relationship, check out my in-person <strong><a href="https://www.naturalmystery.com/metamorphosis">Metamorphosis Retreat</a></strong> in <strong>Asheville, North Carolina November 3-5</strong> with my colleague Sarah Haggerty.</p>
<p>Or join me and Sarah on <strong>Wed, Oct 18, 7-8pm ET</strong> for <strong><a href="https://www.naturalmystery.com/registration/p/p/metamorphosis-life-transitions">Navigating Life Transitions</a></strong>, a <strong>FREE one-hour online workshop</strong>.</p>
<p>Not a group guy and prefer to talk 1:1? <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/email-me/">Shoot me a quick email</a></strong>.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-is-sexual-confidence-for-a-man/">What Is Sexual Confidence For A Man?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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		<title>What Sex Is About For A Married Man</title>
		<link>https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-sex-is-about-for-a-married-man/</link>
					<comments>https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-sex-is-about-for-a-married-man/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Stuart Motola]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 07 Sep 2023 16:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[create desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Avoid divorce Save my marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confident man]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Male confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship advice for men]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[save or leave my marriage]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.stuartmotola.com/?p=4443</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>You want it. You want it bad. Real bad. The desire takes you over. It’s bigger and stronger than you. And when you’re in the vortex of desire, you may not know you’re in it. A client recently said this regarding his experience of desiring sex with his wife. Do you experience sex-hunger with your wife? When we look deeper [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-sex-is-about-for-a-married-man/">What Sex Is About For A Married Man</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You want it. You want it bad. Real bad.</p>
<p>The desire takes you over. It’s bigger and stronger than you.</p>
<p>And when you’re in the vortex of desire, you may not know you’re in it.</p>
<p>A client recently said this regarding his experience of desiring sex with his wife.</p>
<h2>Do you experience sex-hunger with your wife?</h2>
<p>When we look deeper into the source of this hunger or desire, we notice it’s not just about sex but something else.</p>
<p>As a coach, my job is to help you get to the root of your challenges.</p>
<p>Over the years coaching men in challenged relationships, I’ve seen a deeper element underneath a man’s sex-hunger.</p>
<h2>What if you could get to the root of your sexual desire?</h2>
<p>It would be a game-changer. And it would take a lot of stress off you and your wife.</p>
<p>First, answer a simple question.</p>
<h2>What is sex really about for you &#8211; connection, intimacy, release?</h2>
<p>I will venture to say it’s all those things and even more.</p>
<p>In the video below, I speak to something else: one big thing about what sex really is for a married man.</p>
<p>Knowing this will offer you more freedom in your relationship and help you feel less trapped if you’re in a sexually challenged relationship.</p>
<p><iframe  id="_ytid_94601"  width="480" height="270"  data-origwidth="480" data-origheight="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/p0ojrMJmvtI?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=0&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;" class="__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload" title="YouTube player"  allow="fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy="1" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=""></iframe></p>
<p>OK, I hate to be the guy who holds back information from you. The headline I speak to in the video above is about validation.</p>
<p>Validation is synonymous with knowing you are loved, being seen, and not feeling so alone with your wife or partner.</p>
<p>For instance, when a client of mine discovered this through our work together, it was a game-changer for him.</p>
<p>It dramatically enhanced his relationship with his wife, because it helped him see how he was sabotaging sex with his wife, and opened him up to love her more freely.</p>
<p>If you want those things, <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/contact/">let’s talk</a></strong>.</p>
<p>Or join me for the next <strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/confident-mans-path/">Confident Man’s Path To Relationship</a></strong> online training starting <strong>September 19 on Tuesdays from 7:30-9pm ET</strong> for a mere $395. Enroll soon. Training is limited to 8 men.</p>
<p>Check out the topics we&#8217;ll cover in this 6-week training.</p>
<ul>
<li>Week 1 – Ground Zero Of Your Relationship</li>
<li>Week 2 – What She Does That Pisses You Off</li>
<li>Week 3 – Essential Parts Of Yourself That You Suppress To Stay In Relationship</li>
<li>Week 4 – How To Not Lose It With Her (Or Emotionally Check Out)</li>
<li>Week 5 – Strengthen Your Confidence With Your Partner</li>
<li>Week 6 – Ask For What You Want Without Stepping On A Landmine</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Not a group guy?</strong></p>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/contact/">Shoot me a quick email</a></strong> to discuss how to be in your A game with your partner.</p>
<p>I’d be honored to hear from you.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com/what-sex-is-about-for-a-married-man/">What Sex Is About For A Married Man</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.stuartmotola.com">Stuart Motola</a>.</p>
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