Second, consider this non-PC phrase. One that men may use to describe a buddy’s romantic state in early relationship.

Are you pussy whipped?

With full respect to women, a woman’s ability to “pussy whip” a man is simultaneously her power to capture him.

And while an intoxicating spell, when a man is in this spell, he’s also forming an unhealthy initial relational attachment with his partner.

And in his early years – his 20’s in particular – it could lead to the long-term decision of marriage.

“She’s the one.

I love her.

She makes me happy.

I want to marry her”

Maybe that was you 10 or 20 years ago as a younger man and today you’re thinking… What happened? Where’d all that magic go?

I hate to say it. But it wasn’t magic. It was a script. An inner script of self-abandonment into your partner. A script setting the foundation for … yep, you guessed it… codependence.

To be whipped or codependent is to…

… place your self-esteem outside of yourself.

… feel like you have to caretake your partner.

… take on the emotional burdens of her upsets.

No disrespect to the whipped man. I was that man for many years in a 20-year marriage. So I know him well.

He’s not a bad guy. And he’s not somebody to be disparaged or made fun of.

Were you once this whipped guy?

Are you a codependent guy today?

What’s that mean for you moving forward?

In a nutshell, you’d know if you’re whipped or codependent because you’d be diminished when your wife or partner rejects you, tells you she’s disappointed in you, or in layman’s terms, has you feeling like she has you by the balls.

So what can you do about feeling like you’re at the mercy of your wife?

First, start to recognize the internal sensations, feelings, or thoughts that you have with her.

Begin to get familiar with those internal dynamics to rewire them.

Notice if you feel caught in her psychological or emotional web.

A sense of if she’s not happy, I can’t be happy.

A feeling of I don’t know where she ends and where I begin.

A thought of it kind of feels good to feel like I’m at her mercy.

All of that is enmeshment, another word for codependence.

And it can feel juicy and delicious and simultaneously imprisoning and destructive.

And to get free, you have to identify the internal dynamics within yourself, as ultimately it’s about you, not her.

Discover if you’re in patterns of codependence with your wife and how to get out of them in the video below.

Enmeshment and codependence are real stuff. We do them as a clumsy and unconscious attempt to heal early life wounds when we were enmeshed with our parents.

It’s extremely psychologically and emotionally unhealthy and will destroy a marriage until you know better.

Yet oddly enough, there is a kink, a good feeling in giving away your power to your wife or partner. It’s unconscious and paradoxical.

To escape from the trap of enmeshment, you need the courage to look at yourself and do the deeper work of relationship.

It begins with you brother. The gift and invitation in all this is to get free. Create the relationship you want.

Take the first step. Shoot me a quick email.

The post How Codependence Can Wreck Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Not even sex or connection just kindness.

It seems like a low bar and the least he can expect from his wife of 15 years.

Instead, he gets degradation, denigration, and verbal abuse.

Do you experience verbal abuse from your wife?

Rob struggled to identify it as verbal abuse upfront.

“She just flips out on me. Often I don’t why. She says I’m selfish. All I think about is myself. I’ve tried not to personalize it. But she’s worn me down. That’s why I finally reached out to you,” he said.

He was admitting that after much patience and time, it was clear that she was being abusive.

How do you know if your wife’s behavior is abusive?

One way to know, which I speak to in the video below, is having a baseline of comparison in a more neutral setting, for instance, at work.

If someone told you at work that you were flawed as a man or incompetent, you probably would pause and say, “hey, that’s not ok.”

In the intimate container of marriage or relationship, where so many emotions are online, it can be more challenging to identify what’s abuse or not.

We tolerate so much to keep a marriage alive.

Do you experience your wife’s criticisms as a flaw of your character?

If so, chances are you’re in a “compassion conundrum.”

You’re trying to be compassionate and sensitive to your wife, but you also feel the attack in how she speaks to you – her angry tone, her snide facial expressions, her choice of words.

I say to Rob, “You want to stay compassionate to her. And you want to stand up for yourself.”

Rob nods.

“But…. you don’t know how to do that without making things worse.”

“Exactly,” he says.

How can you be compassionate to your wife and protect yourself from her abuse at the same time?

In the video below, learn what I taught Rob – the source of her abusive behavior and how to stay strong and relational in the face of it.

Do you want to get out of the cycle of verbal abuse with your wife?

If so, you’ll have to take some risks. One such risk is to rock the boat with her.

Rocking the boat could mean making it clear to her that you’re open to the “what” of her words but the “how” must change.”

It could mean setting a clear boundary when her tone reaches a certain pitch.

It could mean noticing when you’re maxed and need to take a pause from an interaction.

Ultimately, it means you taking care of yourself, so you to stay in the marriage to create the change you seek.

Rob took this risk and transformed his wife’s hostility into kindness over the course of three months working with me.

But before taking that risk, he took a first step. He clicked the link below. You can too.

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk to see what risks you need to take to transform your marriage.

The post How To Deal With A Verbally Abusive Wife appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Sometimes, you even feel like you’re at the mercy of it. You want it now.

But you know you can’t demand it.

You know that demanding will just make it more likely that you won’t get it.

Besides, she’s an autonomous independent being.

What is it?

Sex. Of course.

It’s a big deal for us guys.

It’s often the most direct way that we feel love from our wife or partner.

Without sex, things just don’t feel right in the marriage or relationship.

It often feels as if… you are not right. You feel rejection.

A sense of her not being willing to receive you literally, physically, and, of course, emotionally.

Are you in a sexless marriage or relationship?

If so, I have an invitation for you.

To go deeper. To go to what you already know. A painful knowing which takes courage to confront.

The knowing that she’s shut down on you sexually.

And to be willing to learn the deeper causes of why she’s shut down on you.

And to know that it’s a manifestation of how she’s closed on a deeper level, emotionally.

You may have heard the expression, the key to her heart is…”___”

Fill in the blank. Trust, respect, love, emotion, safety….

What about the key to her vagina?

Well, you may have guessed it.

The key to her vagina is her heart.

There are actual nerves that connect her heart and vagina.

So how did her heart shut down on you?

Watch the video below to discover the 3 R’s – resentment, reclusion, and repair – that are key to understanding the deeper root causes of a sexless marriage and what to do about it.

Her heart shut down at some point in your relationship because she felt unsafe talking to you about things.

It could’ve been an incident that happened many years ago.

It could be something you did several weeks ago that reinforced an old story she tells herself.

A story that she’s not safe with you.

These are all deeper root causes of a sexless marriage. It does not just happen overnight.

Do the deeper work to heal the sexual challenges in your relationship.

I applaud you for your courage. For your commitment to give it your best shot.

You are the kind of man I help.

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.

The post The Deeper Root Causes Of A Sexless Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Second, consider this non-PC phrase. One that men may use to describe a buddy’s romantic state in early relationship.

Are you pussy whipped?

With full respect to women, a woman’s ability to “pussy whip” a man is simultaneously her power to capture him.

And while an intoxicating spell, when a man is pussy whipped, he’s also forming an unhealthy initial relational attachment with his partner.

And in his early years – his 20’s in particular – it could lead to the long-term decision of marriage.

“She’s the one.

I love her.

She makes me happy.

I want to marry her”

Maybe that was you 10 or 20 years ago as a younger man and today you’re thinking… What happened? Where’d all that magic go?

I hate to say it. But it wasn’t magic. It was a script. An inner script of self-abandonment into your partner. A script setting the foundation for … yep, you guessed it… codependence.

To be whipped or codependent is to…

… place your self-esteem outside of yourself.

… feel like you have to caretake your partner.

… take on the emotional burdens of her upsets.

No disrespect to the whipped man. I was that man for many years in a 20-year marriage. So I know him well.

He’s not a bad guy. And he’s not somebody to be disparaged or made fun of.

Were you once this whipped guy?

Are you a codependent guy today?

What’s that mean for you moving forward?

In a nutshell, you’d know if you’re whipped or codependent because you’d be diminished when your wife or partner rejects you, tells you she’s disappointed in you, or in layman’s terms, has you feeling like she has you by the balls.

So what can you do about feeling like you’re at the mercy of your wife?

First, start to recognize the internal sensations, feelings, or thoughts that you have with her.

Begin to get familiar with those internal dynamics to rewire them.

Notice if you feel caught in her psychological or emotional web.

A sense of if she’s not happy, I can’t be happy.

A feeling of I don’t know where she ends and where I begin.

A thought of it kind of feels good to feel like I’m at her mercy.

All of that is enmeshment, another word for codependence.

And it can feel juicy and delicious and simultaneously imprisoning and destructive.

And to get free, you have to identify the internal dynamics within yourself, as ultimately it’s about you, not her.

Discover if you’re in patterns of codependence with your wife and how to get out of them in the video below.

Enmeshment and codependence are real stuff. We do them as a clumsy and unconscious attempt to heal early life wounds when we were enmeshed with our parents.

It’s extremely psychologically and emotionally unhealthy and will destroy a marriage until you know better.

Yet oddly enough, there is a kink, a good feeling in giving away your power to your wife or partner. It’s unconscious and paradoxical.

To escape from the trap of enmeshment, you need the courage to look at yourself and do the deeper work of relationship.

It begins with you brother. The gift and invitation in all this is to get free.

Shoot me a quick email to take the first step to becoming a more empowered, confident, and courageous version of yourself, to create the kick-ass relationship you ultimately deserve.

The post How Codependence Can Wreck Your Marriage appeared first on Stuart Motola.

And when we’re in the fixer trap, we want to be “the guy.”

You’re the guy who saves the day. The guy who makes things ok for her. The guy who is strong and capable for his partner. And the guy she needs us to be.

We want to be the hero. Even if that kind of stuff died 50 years ago with the feminist movement.

Still, it’s wired into our DNA on the evolutionary scale – provide and protect.

In post-feminist times, provide and protect transform into the more deferential “fix and rescue” (or for the bully/patriarch “demote and demean.”)

Do you fall into the fixer trap?

When you fall into that trap, you get into a mindset that tells you that you know what she needs.

You know how she needs to change herself. Which therapist she needs to see. Which personality disorder she has.

Or on the flip side, you put yourself through the grinder. You twist yourself into a pretzel to try to be what she wants you to be.

Anything to be the hero.

And like most baggage, we carry around this false hero syndrome unconsciously.

And when this heroism doesn’t work, we get angry or fall into righteous self-pity.

At worst, we lose our self-identity and sacrifice our self-esteem for “she-esteem,” how she esteems us.

Or we blow up the relationship with an affair, massage parlor visits, alcohol, or drugs.

The fixer tendencies of the false hero do not work.

What can you do instead to improve your relationship?

Become stronger in the face or her complaints. Set internal boundaries with her critiques of your character.

Get ok with how she feels about you, knowing that’s about her and your value is greater than how she esteems you.

And most of all, stop taking responsibility for her feelings. And that’s key. Don’t try to fix her feelings about you.

It’s one thing to try to change your behaviors but another to try to change the entire fabric of who you are because you think it’ll make her happy.

Change comes from deep within. Not from wanting the feelings of your partner to be different.

Maybe you’re like I was in a 25-year marriage, wondering…

But who am I if I can’t make her happy?

You’re you. And that’s where it starts. In the power to be you. The power to own yourself. And the power to own your behaviors.

And the trailhead to owning your power in relationship is this…

Stop making yourself responsible for your partner’s feelings and start being responsible for your behaviors.

In the video below, discover the difference between responsibility for her feelings versus your behavior.

Seems like a subtle distinction – her feelings and your behavior.

And it offers an inconvenient truth you already know but struggle to act on.

You can’t change her. You can only change yourself.

Become a more relational man. Not a false superhero she can’t trust.

And if she’s abusive, then that’s a whole other thing that I talk about in my other videos.

Become the man you want to be in your marriage.

To do so, we essentially have to re-program ourselves as men.

And that takes time. 6 weeks of training, in fact.

The most valuable 6 weeks of your life.

Join my upcoming Confident Man’s Path To Relationship online training starting TODAY!

Not a group guy and prefer to talk 1:1? Shoot me a quick email.

And for men and women going through big transitions in life and relationship, check out my in-person Metamorphosis Retreat happening November 3-5 with my colleague Sarah Haggerty.

The post Stop Trying To Fix Your Wife Pt 2 appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Ok, man, tell me about that.

Yes, I know it sounds crazy.

When I say death, I’m not talking about actual physical death.

I mean the death that brings laser-sharp clarity to what needs to die in your relationship.

What behaviors need to die in your relationship?

Here are a few I’ve seen my clients identify over the years.

• Being at the mercy of her critiques or complaints.
• Stepping on a landmine while trying to stand up for yourself.
• Doing conflict poorly.
• Not feeling confident with her.
• Anxiously attaching to her.

Well, pick from the list or add to it.

These are all things that need to die in a man’s relationship.

And when I say die, I mean let go of, to be released.

And the great value in asking yourself what needs to die in your relationship is this…

It opens a natural doorway to what is seeking to be born.

What needs to be born in your relationship?

A few that my clients have identified.

• Healthy relational self-advocacy.
• Doing conflict productively to enhance trust.
• Being authentic with your wants and needs.
• Feeling confident in your ability to handle hard stuff.

These all sound great.

But more important than identifying the good stuff is knowing what gets in the way of implementing it.

What gets in the way of implanting healthy relational strategies with your partner?

More often than not, what gets in the way is the fear of uncertainty.

We prefer the struggle we know rather than the solution that we fear may not work.

Let’s face it, there’s a risk in identifying old behaviors that need to die. It’s a form of calling yourself out.

Once we do that, we are often terrified at the void that shows up.

Death provides us with a laser-sharp clarity.

And that can be as simple as “yeah, this sh*t needs to die.”

A simple voice that motivates us to act.

Kind of like cutting a tumor out of your chest. A type of psychological surgery.

When I know a behavior needs to die, I get clarity that every time I participate in it, it keeps me stuck.

What are you clear on that needs to die in your relationship?

Ironically, behaviors like walking on eggshells or avoiding conflict actually provide you benefit.

They diminish conflict. Keep you safe. Ensure things don’t go crazy in the moment.

But those are short-term gains, in the moment, kind of like junk food that ultimately feels shitty afterward.

“Uggh, I did it again.”

But the true cost of continuing any behavior that needs to die is that you are dying inside, trying to be a version of yourself that is not who you really are.

So again, stuff needs to die. And clearly what needs to be born is, in this case, the ability to handle conflict maturely.

That’s laser-like clarity. And it puts you in the driver’s seat of your relationship.

And then, of course, there’s that pesky inner risk manager. The part that wants you to take smart risks that get you payoffs. But more on that another time.

Go deeper into what needs to die in your relationship.

Do you struggle to let go of old behaviors in your relationship?

If so, you’ll want to check out my September 23-26 Confident Man’s Path To Relationship Retreat.

Put old shadow behaviors out to the graveyard. And open the door to productive behaviors to be an empowered and confident man with your partner.

Can’t make the retreat?

Consider joining me for the next Confident Man’s Path To Relationship online 6-week training starting September 19 on Tuesdays from 7:30-9pm ET.

Or if you’re not a group guy, shoot me a quick email to talk about 1:1 coaching to help you be in your A game with your partner.

I’d be honored to hear from you.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu

The post How Death Can Revive Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

In fact, it’s something you should’ve known way before you even got married.

It’s precisely because you don’t know this one thing that you may be in a marriage that drains you more than fulfills you.

And it can put you in a position where you feel like you’ve lost yourself with your wife and wonder…

Who I am with her? Do I want to continue as things are?

You might even feel like you can do nothing right for her. Or you have to walk on eggshells around her.

I remember years ago when I was in this position, thinking, what I wouldn’t give to get clarity on the future of my marriage. If I only knew then what I know now.

Regardless, what I learned is this one thing. A thing that is critical to know if you want to stay in your marriage or not.

Do you want to know the future of your relationship?

If clarity has been elusive, chances are you were overlooking this one thing.

And here’s a chance to finally figure it out.

But I’m not gonna BS you, it takes a little bit of work.

Are you willing to do some work to get clear on your marriage’s prospects?

Every day you feel this one thing with your partner – in your ability to speak openly and to feel trusted and safe.

But in its absence, you often feel attacked, not enough, or unable to make her happy.

So, here it is. And I’m going to follow it up with a critical question.
In a nutshell, it’s… how you’ve entangled your nervous system with that of your partner.

You see, your nervous system is constantly giving you signals about the current state of your marriage – if you’re ok, if you’re not, if you’re vulnerable to attack or safe to engage.

There’s a ton of information readily available within you. And you likely have a sense of it but it’s very rare that an individual knows the meaning of it or what it’s clearly telling them.

To get to that clarity, consider this one related question that gets straight to the core of what you’re feeling and what’s going on inside of you.

When I think of the future, 5, 10 years down the road, do I want to continue to be entangled in the nervous system of my partner or not?

To answer, it helps to pause and slow things down. Take a few breaths and get out of your head. Below the neck, I like to say. Feel the answer in your body.

That’s the no-bullshit zone where you’re not trying to argue your way out of information that scares you.

Give it a try right now. Close your eyes for five seconds. Ask yourself the question. See what your body says.

Can you try this for a moment?

For a lot of guys, it’s a hell no, I don’t want to stay entangled in her nervous system. She’s nervous, she’s anxious, she’s hysterical.

For many women, it’s he’s checked out, he’s withdrawn, I don’t know where the man is, I can’t relax or trust him.

But let’s be clear, this might just be where you are at this moment.

What if instead of just wanting to get the hell out of your marriage, you could pause, slow things down, and make peace with all your inner voices?

Because chances are if you’re reading this there’s another part of you that wants to make things work.

There’s a lot to consider. Your kids, mutual assets, the family. Self-judgments of being the jerk who blows up his family. The asshole who betrays his partner.

Let’s get real. It’s not just as simple as, do I want to stay connected to my partner or not?

But with the noise of all your other concerns, you rarely get to the “gut information” about your nervous system and what you’re choosing relationally.

In fact, often we won’t go there because we fear the answer.

And yet getting to that “gut truth” will help you know what you’re in the room with.

Why you struggle so much to move forward.

And how easy it is to stay stuck and frozen without clarity, for months, years, and even decades.

What if it wasn’t just about saving or leaving your relationship but about leaving who you’ve become in your relationship and becoming a better version of yourself to make the best decision possible?

And from there you’d be in a much stronger place to make this huge decision.

To get to the “gut truth” about the future of your relationship and what it’s really telling you, check out the video below.

Do you want to make the right decision about your marriage?

Regardless of whether you save or leave your relationship, you, your kids, and your wife deserve a better version of you. And it’s from there that you’ll make the right decision for you and your family moving forward.

Getting there is not rocket science but it can feel elusive. To get it right. To be present with fear instead of avoiding it. To step out of your comfort zone and into transformation with wise guidance.

If you’re ready to step into action and move past information, shoot me a quick email. Let’s explore what’s possible for you.

Remember, nobody can do the work for you but you can’t do it alone.

And if you’re not ready to consider the investment of 1:1 coaching, check out The Men’s Relationship School.

It’s a school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship. A group of guys taking action together as a team on their relationships one hour per week.

Check it out now and learn how to…

• GET CLARITY on the save or leave your relationship question.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS and be the best version of yourself.
• STOP BEING INVISIBLE with your partner and start going after what you want in your relationship.

And if you’re not ready for action and only want information, check out my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post Answer This One Question To Know If You Should Save Or Leave Your Relationship appeared first on Stuart Motola.

We don’t want to be that dominator or aggressive asshole. But still we’re human. So inevitably anger might bubble up now and then.

Maybe anger comes up when your wife says that you’re checked out, or you’re not consistent with your words, or you’re just not enough for her. Maybe you’re angry at her for being sexually shut down.

Whether or not you give yourself permission to acknowledge it, anger may still live in you.

Do you have suppressed anger at your wife?

If so, chances are, like me, you inadvertently unleashed your anger on her a few times. And it put you in the doghouse, big time.

I remember a few times in my 20+ year marriage when I vented on my wife. And then afterwards, besides feeling like crap, I was like, damn, she sure as hell ain’t giving me no loving for a while now. And that was after weeks of trying to win points with her.

But I’m here to tell you, brother, anger is not the problem. It’s the way we as good guys deal with it, that’s the problem.

Typically, we suppress anger or push it down. We often do so because we don’t trust anger, and with reason.

We’ve seen how much harm it’s caused in the world. Or we’ve been the object of it ourselves, from a tyrannical father or other adult.

But when we suppress anger, it compresses within us. It builds up, swells, and eventually unleashes explosively like a dragon breathing fire.

What if instead you could use your anger as a superpower to work for your relationship instead of against it?

To do that, first recognize that there is a vital energy in anger, for us men. An energy that is critical for our well-being. An energy that we often suppress.

To access that vital energy, you must learn to work with the emotion of anger – the part that causes you to lose your mind and better judgement – to extract the vital information that it has for you.

And that’s how you can use anger productively in your relationship.

The best way to do that is to separate from your anger. To treat it like a character outside of you. To ask it…

Anger, what do you want from me?

Typically anger will answer. It wants you to correct a wrong or an injustice, something that was done to you.

That could be your wife yelling at you, attacking your character, or simply saying, “You’re lazy. You’re a weak man. You never…”

And it’s in this moment, where we must separate the emotion of anger from the information it seeks to deliver to us.

And that information comes to us in words like “Don’t take that shit from her!” Or “She can’t talk to you like that!” Or “Stand up for yourself, man!”

But the problem is we get so wrapped up in the emotion that we never get to the healthy self-advocacy that anger ultimately seeks of us.

Does anger jack you up to the point where you don’t even know what words are coming out of your mouth?

Anger wants you to stand up for yourself, to self-advocate. Not to attack or berate your partner.

The beauty of healthy self-advocacy is you no longer have to hide, suppress, or withhold your vitality, your aliveness, your healthy desire to be loved, respected, and treated well.

And instead of fearing aggression, you can assert yourself. Speak kindly and lovingly for what you want. That can sound like…

“Hey, sweetie, you lose me when you attack me like that. That does not feel good. I want to stay connected to you, even in this challenging moment.”

What is it that you want to self-advocate for in your relationship?

Check out the video below to discover how to use anger productively in your relationship, and an even more powerful emotion underneath anger that gives you access to your greatest and most loving self-advocate for the benefit of you and your partner.

Are you that guy who explodes or suppresses anger in his relationship?

Well, that suppression is just the tip of the iceberg. And underneath it, are a host of other withholds depriving you of the vitality that you ultimately seek in relationship.

Life’s too short to betray yourself. Get out of your withholds. Get out of what you suppress. And go after the loving, fulfilling, and kick-ass relationship you deserve.

To do just that, check out The Men’s Relationship School. A school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship.

Let’s face it, not every guy is ready for the deeper commitment and investment of 1:1 coaching. That’s why I created The Men’s Relationship School. I’m offering it for a low monthly fee of $89.

Try it out for free and learn how to…

• USE YOUR ANGER PRODUCTIVELY for healthy self-advocacy in your relationship.
• Have a strong backbone to GET THE RESPECT AND LOVE you want.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and stay bold and calm in the heat of conflict.
• And more.

Not a group guy? To talk 1:1, shoot me a quick email.

And join my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.

The post Use Your Anger At Your Wife Productively appeared first on Stuart Motola.

Can I continue to live like this?
How can things change?
What can I do about it?

And in this place, your options can feel limited. You can easily feel trapped and resigned.

Are you living out a life sentence in your marriage?

If you’ve ever felt this way, it’s easy to feel resignation. Resigned to fulfill your vow of ‘til death do us part.’

And yet instead of moving into action to make change, it’s common to just do nothing. But slogging through your days unhappy does not serve you, your family, or your wife.

I was married for 25 years and there were many days where I could say yes, this feels like a life sentence.

She won’t change. I can’t do this anymore. And I want out.

I didn’t feel like I had options. I got stuck in that place that I see many men stuck in.

That place of trying to do something but really doing nothing. That place of freeze.

While we often hear about fight or flight, we don’t hear much about freeze. Think of a deer in headlights.

Freeze can be a form of what many of us men were trained in. “Suck it up and deal. Make the best of it.”

When so much is on the line – family, finances, kids, it’s easy to punt on your own happiness as a man.

Do you sacrifice your own well-being to stay in your current marriage?

The problem with freeze, like fight or flight, is you’re in your limbic system.

This is the place where you can’t think clearly, you’re dominated by primal emotions, and you struggle to see all the options available to you.

And so instead it’s easy to go into black and white thinking. A place of duality. Only two options – save or leave your marriage.

But there are many options between save and leave your marriage where you can create change in your relationship and most importantly, be ok with whatever happens.

What are the options between save or leave?

I’m going to tell you 3 straight up below.

But if you want a better understanding of how to implement those options, to build freedom and courage in your marriage, I invite you to check out the video below.

Option number one seems obvious but it’s not obvious how to do it right.

Work on the marriage. But not in that classic lots of talk, do-nothing way common in a lot of couples therapy.

Instead, I’m talking about action, outcomes, and accountability between you and your partner, to get real results.

Are you interested in real outcomes when it comes to your marriage?

If so, I talk more about that in detail in the video above. Check it out.

Now option number two is one that scares the hell out of most men. They confuse it with divorce. But until you get educated about it, it’s easy to confuse it.

And this option is a trial separation. But to be clear, it can be done in the spirit of saving your marriage, if that’s what you’re seeking.

It sounds like this “Honey, I want a trial separation to see if we can save our marriage.”

A trial separation can be a huge help to a man seeking clarity on how committed he is to improve his relationship. Without commitment, you’re just throwing stuff at the wall to see if it sticks.

When it comes to a trial separation, you have to do it right to make it work. I offer many tools to help.

This includes answering tough questions such as…

Are we both committed to working on ourselves during this time?
What will our interaction be like during this time?
How will we still come together for our kids?

Does a trial separation appeal to you?

If so, let’s talk further.

And option number three is to take action and leadership with her. And by that, I mean create a safe container to speak the unspoken, as a way to get the ball rolling on creating a new marriage. Here’s a simple format to make that happen.

Now, what’s the chance that you do any of these 3 things on your own to successfully transform your marriage?

Be real. 10%? 50%?

And this is where every man needs help, as did I seven years ago. But often, we as men are taught that needing help means we are weak.

Ironically, that belief only makes us weaker.

A man’s power lies in his ability to cultivate a wise and effective team for himself.

A coach or guide who offers him accountability, challenge, and support to transform himself and his marriage.

Are you worthy of transforming your marriage?

What if you knew that you’ll be ok, whatever happens with her?

If that’s what you want, that is precisely what I teach men.

Don’t believe me. Hear from my client who said…

“In working with Stuart, I learned that I’ll be ok alone if things don’t work out with my wife. And ironically, that’s given me a new confidence & freedom to create the marriage I want with her.”

If you want this super-power too, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Connect with a bunch of powerful guys talking about this stuff fearlessly in my next Men’s Relationship Tools call this Tuesday at 12pm ET.

And for daily relationship tips and action items, join my private men’s only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.

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